But he could hear the worry in my voice.
“Brian, take a breath. As long as you go through with this wedding, things will be okay. Keep your nose to the ground, keep your house clean, keep your company under control, and stay strong. You getting to the courthouse before Tuesday?”
“I’m going to try. This thing with the warehouse fire has really offset things. Plus, I don’t want to make it look like we were eager to get married before the court date. Won’t that look suspicious?”
I was grasping for anything that could get me out of this arrangement with Amanda.
“That’s one way to look at it. Is there any proof that you two are engaged? Rings? A party? Have you filed for a marriage license?” my lawyer asked.
“Yes, I have done that. And I have a ring. I just haven’t given it to her yet,” I said.
“Good. As long as there’s paperwork in the system requesting a marriage license and maybe a picture or two of her and you with the ring on her finger, I can use that as intent to marry. It won’t be as strong, but it’ll prove there’s a female influence in the house with Lanie.”
“Good.”
“But you have to tie the knot by the end of the week,” she said. “Just in case we have one of those stickler judges. Okay? Don’t screw around with this, Brian.”
“I’m not,” I said curtly. “I’m treading lightly. I want to mitigate risk as well as make sure no false assumptions are made. It’s going to do us no good to get married if the judge can peg that we did it for the sole purpose of the custody battle.”
“Fine. As long as your head’s in the right place.”
I got off the phone with my lawyer, but my mind was swirling. I needed to get out of this house and think. I needed to get my mind off all this bullshit and put some sort of plan in motion.
“Knock, knock.”
I lifted my head and saw Amanda standing there, a worried look in her eye and eggs staining the front of her shirt.
She looked perfect in the mornings.
“Everything okay?” Amanda asked.
“Could you watch Lanie for a bit?” I asked.
“Sure. What’s going on?” she asked.
“I need to clear my head for a minute.”
“Okay. Be careful, all right?” she asked. “Call me if you need me.”
“I still don’t think I have your phone number,” I said, chuckling.
She pulled out her phone and pressed a few buttons before mine rang out. I looked down at it and saw a number I didn’t recognize along with a small little message scrolling across my screen.
Now you do, the text message said.
Grinning, Amanda pushed off the doorframe and headed back to the kitchen. I saved Amanda’s number on my phone, then dressed in some warm clothes. I pulled on my hiking boots and slipped out the back, listening as the sounds of Lanie and Amanda giggling followed me out the door. I smiled at the sound as I started for the hiking trail, ready to lose myself in the nature that surrounded my home.
I felt like I was back at square one. Lost and alone and bobbing in an endless ocean of turmoil. I knew Amanda was still willing to help me, but I wasn’t sure if I was willing to take her up on it anymore. If we had to go through with this marriage thing, then I needed to tell her how I felt. She needed to know the truth going in so she could make the best decision for her.
Especially with all she was dealing with currently.
I shoved my hand into my pocket and wrapped my fingers around the small box. I’d picked the ring up after Lanie and I had pizza the other day. It caught my eye in the shop window just before I heard Amanda’s voice calling out down the sidewalk.
I went back to purchase it as she made sure her asshole ex understood he was no longer wanted in town.
It was the perfect ring for her, but now it felt important. Before, it was only a ring. Something to help us with our little scheme. But now, it felt more real. I imagined all the ways I could propose to Amanda. I thought of all the ways she deserved to be proposed to. As I walked through the woods and drew in deep breaths, I thought about the lavish wedding she deserved. The luxurious honeymoon I could take her on. I thought about the beautiful princess gown she deserved to walk down the aisle in and the tailored tuxedo I wanted to wear when I saw her for the first time.
She would get none of that this way, and that admission broke my heart.
I knew she would marry me to help Lanie, but I wanted her to marry me because she loved me.