Crewe placed the tablet on his lap and gripped my hand tighter. “You wanna know something?”
I knew he was trying to distract me. “Sure.”
“I’ve flown at least two hundred times in my life. On different planes, on airlines, on other people’s planes…never had a single problem.”
“Because you’re a duke.”
“Well, you’re traveling with one, so I assure you nothing is going to happen to his plane. Alright?”
“I know we aren’t gonna crash. It makes me uneasy. I wish I would just get over it…but I never do.”
He brought my hand to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss. “We’re all afraid of something, Lovely. It’s okay.”
“What are you afraid of?” The question popped into my mind automatically. The plane was still accelerating into the sky, and it would be a while before it leveled off.
A cloud of annoyance didn’t pass over his eyes like it normally would. “Betrayal. Disloyalty.”
“Nothing life-threatening?”
“Dying doesn’t scare me,” he said simply. “Dying is the beginning of peace, if you ask me. The lowest times of my life have always been caused by someone betraying me. First, it was the man who murdered my parents. Second, it was Josephine. And the third…you know what the third is.”
I hadn’t asked him about Josephine because there was never a right time. But now we were on a plane with twelve hours to kill. The plane finally leveled out, and we began to cruise at the right altitude.
Crewe loosened his grip but didn’t drop my hand.
“So…you were engaged?” I didn’t know how else to broach the subject.
“Yes.” Crewe wasn’t talkative on the matter. He wasn’t usually talkative about anything other than sex.
“What happened?”
“I told you what happened.”
“You know what I mean.” Times like these made me miss his honesty. When we were close, he opened up to me a lot more. I probably could have asked him about this if I’d known about it.
“We were introduced by mutual friends. I liked her, and she liked me. She was a good match for me because she has a lot of ties to African businesses. Her own wealth exceeds mine. But when I got to know her, I actually liked her for her. When I told her I loved her, I meant it. When I asked her to marry me, I wasn’t just interested in her connections. But six months into the engagement, she decided to leave me for Sir Andrew because he has a greater chance of being king someday if he plays his cards right. So she left.”
Damn, she was stupid.
“She came back to me a few months ago and asked if we could work it out. I said that would never happen, but she didn’t drop the subject—until she saw you.”
She better back off. I’d punch that bitch in the face if she didn’t. “Do you still love her?”
He held my gaze without flinching. “I don’t believe you can love two women at once.”
That was enough to answer my question. “When she wanted you back, did you love her?”
“No. I stopped loving her the instant she left me. All the feelings were sucked out of my soul at the snap of a finger. She left me for a man with more wealth, so she never really loved me anyway. She was using me. I consider myself lucky.”
My thumb brushed over his knuckles now that I knew the entire story. No wonder why Crewe was so wounded by what I’d done. He’d been betrayed recently, so I’d ripped open an old wound. “I’m sorry…”
“No reason to be sorry, Lovely. I know it hurts you to know I’m in pain, but I assure you, I’m no longer in pain. At the moment, I’m very happy.” He leaned toward me and pressed his forehead to mine. He didn’t place a kiss on my forehead or rub his nose against mine. But the affection was still special. It made us connected in a new way.
“For what it’s worth, she’s an idiot.”
He smiled as he pulled way. “Yes, she is an idiot—but for different reasons.”
“Does she even like the guy?”
“Doesn’t sound like it. And I know he screws other women.”
He cheats on her? “And she’s okay with it?”
“No much she can do. She can’t leave him for someone else. One scandal was bad enough, and any man besides the two of us would just be a step down for her. She has to suck it up and accept the consequences.”
I would feel bad for any woman having to marry a man she didn’t love, but I felt no pity for her. Crewe’s real estate, title, and business weren’t enough for her. More importantly, his heart wasn’t good enough for her. “You’re too good for her anyway, Crewe.”
“You think so?” He still wore the slight smile on his face.
“I know so. I’d be the happiest woman in the world if I got to spend the rest of my life with you.” It was one of those rare moments when I lived in the present, saying exactly what was on my mind the second it entered my brain. But the words were inappropriate, the meaning immense. It was a future Crewe said we could never have, and I didn’t want him to think I was pressuring him into something he didn’t want.