Big Daddy

“Her illness.” She waved her hand as if to shrug it off. “Never you mind. I’m just a rambling old woman.” She sat there a bit then continued. “So you know someone in this room really likes the living arrangement. I think she feels like she’s got a family again.”

“I know, and I’m just not sure about that. I mean, I’m not sure she wants to stick around.”

“Well, that’s just nonsense. She talked about you all day, and the only time she didn’t look green was when your name was on her lips. She’s head over heels for you. Maybe there’s a misunderstanding.” Cynthia was like a mother to me, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk about my relationships with her. She made too much sense, and I was much too frustrated to listen to reason.

“You feel the same about her, don’t you? I can tell. I have a feeling that things will work themselves out very soon. And if you get the chance, Chance, you better grab hold of the opportunity and never let her go.”

“I just don’t know if you’re right.” I wished I had the confidence to say she was, but I’d been hurt before and I wouldn’t be blindsided again.

CHAPTER 26 – DREAM

Somewhere in my nauseous sleep state, I found myself lost in a dream. I knew it was a dream because Chance had both of his legs, and as interesting as that was to see, I was almost disappointed to see him without the prosthesis I’d grown so used to.

“He’s got your eyes.” I looked up from the precious baby boy’s blues and into Chance’s.

“He’s got your smile.” Chance kissed my lips and snuggled me and the baby closer.

“Is he really ours to keep?” asked Star as she climbed up on my other side and lay her head close to the baby’s.

“Yes, he’s ours, and he’ll be like a little brother to you.” She smiled ear to ear. “What’s his name?”

“Samuel,” said Chance, his voice echoing.

“Samuel. Sam. Sam.” Star’s voice echoed, too, and then their voices bled into one as I was pulled from my sleep by the swirling sound. I ran to the bathroom and heaved.

“Are you okay, Dream?” I heard him at the door and let loose a deep breath. I’d been sick at the weirdest times and in the weirdest fashion, and to top it off, my breasts were so sore they were far too sensitive to touch.

I was starting to get a little freaked. The only other time in my life that I’d felt the way I was feeling now, was when I was pregnant the first time. Though I hadn’t known for sure until after I’d miscarried, I remembered the symptoms well.

What if I was pregnant with Chance’s child? The thought both thrilled and terrified me. What if now that he had saved me from Nick and the excitement was gone, he didn’t want me anymore. Or what if, worse than that, he turned out to be just like Nick. Just another abusive asshole. I refused to raise a child with a man like that.

No. No, I knew Chance was nothing like Nick. Shit, maybe I was the fucked up one, too used to running to be able to settle down even when I wanted it more than anything.

“Dream?” Chance’s voice broke through my thoughts.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, I just had a weird dream that’s all. Nothing big.”

*

The next afternoon I felt a little better physically, and I’d avoided Chance until I could figure out what exactly was going on.

I called Liza and told her about the dream. “It was just so real. The little boy looked just like him too. I’d never had a dream like that before.”

“And you named him Samuel? Does that mean anything to you? Is it symbolic?”

“No, not at all.”

“Then it’s most likely just something your subconscious made up.”

“Yeah, I can see that happening. I’ve been through a lot over the past month. I need to decide what I want to do. Is it possible that I’m damaged beyond repair?” I asked my friend.

Liza sighed on the other end of the line. “We’re all a little damaged beyond repair, honey.”

I laughed, but there was no mirth in it. “Yeah, I guess we are. I just don’t know what to do. We haven’t even known one another that long. What if I’m not the one he wants to be tied to for the rest of his life?”

“It will be okay,” Liza reassured me. “And you need to get your ass to the pharmacy and grab a pregnancy test. Everything you’re telling me—the sickness at strange hours, the swollen tits—it’s all signs. They call it morning sickness, honey, but it doesn’t always hit you in the morning. I had it three times a day with Brady, and it was so consistently on schedule, I called it breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”