Fish & Chips (Cut & Run 3)

Ty stopped abruptly, staring at him for a moment before he breathed in quickly and nodded. He looked down and shook his foot, kicking off the other fuzzy slipper with a muttered curse. He looked back up at Zane and nodded again. “I"m listening,” he said, sounding sincere and serious.

Zane took a couple moments to pull himself together, because he figured he wouldn"t get another chance to try to explain this. When he spoke, it was as raw and honest as he could make it. “You want me to be able to drink and handle it better. To be able to resist what it does to me and push it away when it gets to be too much. But the truth is that just one taste is too much. There is no handling it, no matter how much you care.” He stopped for a moment, staring at Ty and willing him to comprehend. “You have to believe me. Even if you don"t understand,”

he begged.

Ty looked at him silently, his eyes darting side to side as he studied Zane"s face. He didn"t really look like Ty, not with the airbrushed sheen. But they couldn"t change his eyes. He took another step toward the bed and knelt beside it, taking Zane"s hand in his and looking up at him. “I don"t understand what it takes,” he admitted, looking up at Zane earnestly. “I don"t understand what it does to you.

But I do know that you are the most incredibly stubborn human being I"ve ever met,” he went on with a hint of frustration. “You"re stronger than last night.”

Zane"s breath caught. He"d had no idea that was how Ty thought of him. It made him feel ten feet tall… and at the same time cut down to size. The unvarnished reality was that he was, and always would be, an alcoholic and drug abuser who hung on by his fingertips every day trying to stay sober and do his job. He squeezed Ty"s hand. “I wish I was what you believe,” he whispered. “I wish I was what you need me to be.”

Ty looked down at his hand and sighed heavily. He seemed to be struggling with what to say or do, and seeing Ty indecisive was another novel experience, though not an entirely enjoyable one. Finally, Ty swallowed hard and looked back up. “Zane,” he said hoarsely. Then he stopped and looked down again quickly before meeting Zane"s eyes again with determination. “You"re everything I need you to be,” he whispered.

The quiet words stunned Zane. How could Ty say that after last night? Or rather, how could Ty say such a thing at all? A slight shrug of helplessness was all Zane could manage.

“I know it"s hard,” Ty murmured. “But you can"t leave me hanging like I was last night,” he said in a harder voice. He was still on his knees, holding Zane"s hand between his. “I had a gun in my mouth, and you were playing a drunk Corbin Porter at the tables.”

Zane flinched but met Ty"s eyes evenly. “I know,” he whispered.

“I would never have forgiven myself if something had happened to you.”

Ty actually smiled slightly. “Well, at least we agree on that,” he said wryly. “Look, I… I gather that most of your undercover work was spent drunk, am I right?”

“A big chunk of it, yeah,” Zane admitted, his drawn-out words advertising his reluctance. He didn"t like giving anyone ammo to shoot him with, even Ty. “It wasn"t exactly unusual, considering the locale.”

Ty nodded. Zane had told him about being a UC in the seedy underbelly of Miami. But this undercover assignment couldn"t be more different. It was like comparing a burnt hamburger to a Kobe filet.

Ty went on, his voice mirroring the reluctance Zane was feeling.

“And I"m guessing with your tolerance, it was never really an issue.”

He held his breath, looking up at Zane as if measuring how much more he wanted to say. It was obvious he was having second thoughts about whatever he"d been getting at.

“Yeah, that"s right,” Zane answered, willing Ty to keep talking.

“If you tell anyone this, I swear I"ll kill you,” Ty threatened suddenly, pointing his finger at Zane warningly.

Despite his surprise, Zane immediately shook his head.

Ty cleared his throat and waved his hand. “When I"m working undercover, I can"t take any kinds of meds or drugs, mostly because I risk reacting badly to them. You know about that. But I can"t drink, either, though not for the same reasons you shouldn"t. So I had to learn ways to fake it. I can show you how to get around it, if you want me to.”

Zane frowned a little while trying to follow Ty"s explanation. It didn"t make a lot of sense, but he"d figure it out later. Ty was extending a hell of a peace offering, and that was what was important right now.

“Yeah, I want you to.”

Ty nodded in apparent relief, and he patted Zane"s knee. “I"ll show you today, in case we hit it at dinner. Okay? Now help me up.”

Zane nodded and leaned over to kiss him gently before Ty could get too far away. “Since we"re being so brutally honest, I have to say this is a hell of a lot more difficult than it being just the job.”

“What do you mean?” Ty asked with a frown and a shake of his head.

“I care about the job. I do. But I care just as much—if not more—

about what you think of me.”

Ty opened his mouth as if he were going to respond, then closed it again and pressed his lips into a tight line. “We"ll deal with impressions later,” he said, and it was painfully obvious that it wasn"t what he"d intended to say. “I just want to live through this f**king case and get home and shave my head,” he told Zane with a sincerity that was almost amusing.

Zane ran his hand through Ty"s hair and wrinkled his nose. “I agree.” Then he rubbed his hand fast and hard over Ty"s head playfully.

Ty smacked at his wrist and grunted as he pushed himself to his feet. “Quit it. It"s worse than dragging your socks on the carpet,” he mumbled as he stepped away.

Zane chuckled and leaned back, just enough of the huge weight off his chest to let him breathe again. There was still so, so much that could go wrong. But Ty had listened. And…. Zane watched as his partner—his lover—moved around the room. And Ty had given him yet another chance. After the danger, the anger, and the hurt, Ty had dragged him out to that pool to sober him up instead of just kicking him out or dismissing him as a lost cause. He had made the effort to help Zane, even if it had seemed like punishment and revenge at the time.

Ty muttered to himself as he walked away. He was fiddling with the ring on his hand, unconsciously trying to get it off. Zane watched the pull of muscle across his shoulders, admiring the way he held himself upright and proud, even here when it was just the two of them.