Dirty Secrets (Get Dirty 4)

He doesn’t wait for my response, instead leaning over and weaving his fingers into my hair, holding my face lifted toward him to plant a soft kiss to my cheek. I fade into the supportive hold he has on me, needing the crutch for a moment.

The soft and hard, the brush of his lips and the grip on my head, are everything with him, driving me mad. I want him more than I even know . . . and at the same time, I’m afraid that I’m going to explode if I do.

I still can’t turn away, and as I lay my head on his chest, he kisses my head one more time, his breath warm in my ear.

“Talk to your brother. He loves you and is hurting, drowning in a world of misery, and his only way to deal with it is to lash out at the one person he feels safest with . . . you. I know it’s an impossible task, but don’t take it personally. The harsh judgments he had are more telling of what he feels about himself right now, not you. He feels worthless, embarrassed, lost to someone else’s decisions.”

“You know about his wife?” I murmur, unsurprised somehow. “What she did?”

I can feel Dom’s chin press into the top of my head once as he nods. “Yes.”

I hear the challenge, daring me to ask how he knows, why he knows . . . because TJ sure as fuck didn’t tell him. But I know Dominick and have no doubt that he had a full background check on TJ as soon as I introduced them.

It’s not right, it’s invasive and hostile, but it’s who Dominick is. I sigh, sad and angry that Janine is putting TJ through the wringer but not able to forgive him so readily for the gut punches he’s delivered to me tonight.

“Talk to him, Allison.”

I nod. “I will.”

“I need you to know, it took everything in me to restrain myself from coming to your defense tonight. I hate that he spoke to you that way, and if it were anyone else, I would’ve destroyed them. But you are a force, Allison. Mouthy, strong, with big brass balls and a sensitive heart. Tonight, you didn’t need protection. Even though it hurt and was hard, maybe even ugly, you protected yourself. And it was glorious.”

He lays a chaste kiss to my lips, and I breathe him in, letting the smoky wood smell of his cologne and faint hints of garlic and tomato surround me, buoy me for the upcoming storm.

TJ

I can still hear them. My fingernails scour at my scalp, pulling at the strands that feel so foreign atop my head, looking for any distraction. But their voices still register. He admits to her that he’s unworthy of her, flat-out telling her that his world is violent and dangerous. But even that he couches in fancy words.

He’s a slick fucker, I’ll give him that.

And Allie seems totally enamored with his bullshit, not hearing through the pretty to the gritty reality. When he says, ‘you are mine’, I have to crouch down to stop myself from rushing in and punching the fuck out of him.

She isn’t his.

She isn’t anyone’s.

She’s my baby sister. She deserves better than this, better than him, for damn sure. She should have a good life, teaching kids ballet, performing in city performances if that’s what makes her happy, maybe having a couple of kids of her own.

She deserves a good man who treats her right, not like a possession to claim. His assessment that I’m lashing out is spot-on, and though I refuse to admit it, the painful weight sits heavily on my shoulders.

I’m a loser . . . failed at my marriage, though I was willing to give her fucking everything. I hurt my sister, though she’s the one person who’s always been by my side, and I’m a disappointment to my parents, who loved Janine and were ecstatically pressing for grandchildren.

Yeah, sorry guys, definitely not happening now. It’s all just so fucked up. I hear the door open and close, signaling that Dominick has left, and know my time is up. Allie is gonna be gunning for me, as well she should. But I can’t deal with that right now.

I need to get out of here, get my shit straight or just get shit-faced, I’m not sure which.

But I know that I can’t be here with Allie’s sad eyes and encouragement to talk about my feelings.

I stride back into the living room, making a bee-line for the door, but Allie’s words stop me for a moment.

“TJ, wait. We need to talk.”

She doesn’t sound angry, and it’s tempting, but I shake my head and don’t stop walking until my hand is on the doorknob. “Look, I’m sorry for the hurtful shit I said. Really, I am, Allie. But this shit show tonight? That guy? With his obsessive ‘you’re mine’ shit? The club dancing? You deserve a hell of a lot better than that. You should get the whole picket fence, two-point-five kids, and a dog type of life. Fuck knows, you’ve earned it. And I can’t sit back and watch while you toss it all away, working for a guy like that who’ll only hurt you in the long run.”