Dirty Secrets (Get Dirty 4)

“Do I think he was a monk before we started dating?” I ask, turning on him. “Of fucking course not, TJ. But what I know is that we laugh and play chess, he challenges me, and I challenge him, and I like that I’m the only person he’s let past his ice-cold mask to see the warm, caring man inside. Yeah, he’s intense. Yeah, he’s possessive, but I’ve fallen for him and I need you to back me up on this.”

“Do you hear yourself? Words you just used to describe your boyfriend—cold, intense, possessive. Does that sound like your dream guy, Allie?” TJ scoffs. “What would you tell me if I introduced you to a woman like that? He just bosses you around and you do his bidding like a damn puppy! That’s not you, or at least not the Allie I knew. And who knows what all he’s hiding. This is the honeymoon period. Does it feel like everything’s roses and champagne? I can tell you what it looks like from the outside, and it sure ain’t a ‘happily ever after’. What happens the next time you find out he’s hiding shit from you? What happens when—”

He tries to say more, I can see the words on the tip of his tongue, but I cut him off. “Don’t make this about you and Janine!” I beg. “She hid stuff from you, admittedly really shitty stuff that I wish hadn’t happened to you, but that doesn’t mean Dominick is hiding things from me. Maybe it’s not the relationship you imagined for me, maybe it’s not what you would want for yourself, but it’s mine, and I want it just like it is.”

“You want me to just stand back and watch while you shrink yourself to fit into his world,” TJ growls, getting up and right in my face. “But you don’t even know what the fuck that world really is.” His voice softens as he holds my arms, not letting me escape his eyes. “I remember you . . . Allie who wanted to be a ballerina, who dreamed of dancing her life away and then retiring to live a happy life with a husband and kids. I just don’t see you having that with a man like Dominick. But the important thing is, do you see yourself having a life like that with him? Is that something you’re willing to give up for him? Because I’ve seen you around this studio, the way you bend down to talk to the kids, the way you light up when they share something with you or finally get a move right. That life you used to dream about? You still want it. And do you think Cold Monster is going to be the daddy you always wanted for your kids?”

I’m silent, shocked by his hard words and how they stick painfully in my heart. They hurt because they’re true to some degree. Dominick and I are still new, so intensely powerful, like nothing I’ve ever imagined, but new.

Is this a path I want to go down?

What does the future look like with him? It’s really hard to visualize Dominick burping a baby, changing its diapers, teaching a child to play chess, loving and caring for them as they grow up. I can’t see Dom teaching a little boy how to play catch.

It’s harder than I’d like to admit, but maybe that’s because I’ve never seen him in that role.

I do know deep down in my gut that he’d move heaven and earth to see me and our children happy. And that is worth more than all the dirty diapers in the world.

TJ softens, his hands relaxing a little on my arms. “Allie-gator, my life is FUBARed. I thought I was making a good choice with Janine, and I ignored some warning flags that I should’ve paid attention to. Now I’m paying the price and it fucking sucks. I’m just trying to do for you what I wish someone had done for me. I love you, Sis.”

I sigh, hugging him. He’s my brother, after all. We’re going to disagree, fight, and nitpick at old wounds, but at the end of the day, I know he’s always got my back, hell or high water.

And I love him for it. He’s hurting and trying to protect me. I just don’t want or need the protection right now.

I’m fine.

Dominick is fine.

Together, we are so much better than fine.

I’m on the verge of a pivotal point in my life, I can feel it. The connection with Dominick feels steady, pulsing with not just heat but possibility, with the harmony that I’ve sensed a few times in dance when you click with a partner and you just know.

The opportunities at the studio are exciting and will give me some financial stability and let me grow as a dancer, but also as a businesswoman.