Deviant

Watching him drive away had been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure. It was like watching the sun fade away forever, leaving the sky dark and cloudy. And I knew as I watched his car disappear down the drive that I’d never find what we had with anyone else.

Dad had mistaken my melancholic mood in the days following for something else. He’d bent over backwards to make it up to me, but I noticed he hadn’t told the cops what had really happened. Instead he’d spun a story of me going off for a breather because college life had gotten to me and I needed a break.

I’d already accepted Damien’s story, but that right there confirmed it for me and it only took dad saying the words once pressed to remove any doubts I might’ve had. If he’d only known that the reason I couldn’t get out of bed in the mornings was because I missed my lover, missed waking up with his arms wrapped around me the way they had been the last few mornings we’d spent together.

Or, that I sometimes missed his rough treatment of me. Missed having my hands tied behind my back while he drove into me from behind.

Missed having him pound himself into me until we were both screaming and scratching at each other while he spilled inside me as I throbbed and clutched at him to hold him prisoner within my walls.

I was making myself crazy, from day to day it was becoming harder to remember who I was before we met. Until I had to convince myself that if he truly wanted me, loved me, he would never have let me go.

It was convincing myself of that that had done the trick. I’d used the anger I felt upon accepting that hard truth to get me out of bed and out of my head.

I’d left dad’s house after telling him what I thought of him. He’s been trying ever since to get back into my good graces, but this was sure to put an end to that, having his enemy’s child. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was keeping my baby. I was in turns scared and elated. Scared to be doing this alone, and happy that I would have a part of Damien with me forever.

I wish I knew how to reach him, where to go. He wasn’t at the country estate any longer, I’d checked. But even if I did know where to find him I’m still not sure I would have the courage to face him. He probably didn’t want kids anyway, and if he did, why would he want them with me? The daughter of the man he held responsible for his dad’s death.

I picked up my phone and pressed the home button so I could see his face. It’s something I do at least a hundred times each day. I’d found the photo online, a rare shot according to the headlines, of the man who’d made a name for him self before inheriting his dad’s fortune.

There was some innuendo and hints at his underworld dealings, but no one knew for sure if he was part of that life or not. I was inclined to believe that he was, but it made no difference to me. I’d come to see the man beneath after all and knew that he had more than one side. I was so engrossed in running my finger over his image that I didn’t sense there was someone behind me.

22

Ava

* * *

“That’s not a very good shot.” Large hands came down on my shoulders and my heart sped up in my chest even as my body went hot and weak. “Damien.” His name was a soft whisper of disbelief. Maybe I’d conjured him somehow. But the weight of his hands felt real.

I was afraid to turn around, afraid that it was just my imagination again playing tricks on me. But when the first tear fell onto the screen of my phone I felt myself being lifted from the chair and folded into his big strong chest.

Huge wracking sobs shook my body and I barely heard his whispered, ‘it’s okay baby, I’ve got you’ before I was being taken out of the room and into the evening air. I was about to tell him I’d left my belongings but overheard him telling one of his men who’d been standing by the door to fetch them.

I didn’t pick my head up even though I knew we were probably making a spectacle. Not even when I heard a car door open and felt him climb in with me held close in his arms I didn’t move my face from where I had it buried in his chest.

“Shh, it’s okay stop before you make yourself sick. Ava, look at me.” He tried pushing my head back but I held on tighter and refused to move. I’d been wanting this for so long ever since he left me.