“Hungry?” I nodded before I caught myself.
“Yes sir.” I was starving but my body felt so…I don’t know the correct word. It was as if nothing, not even hunger could dampen my mood. He kept touching me in even the littlest ways.
Like when I sat at the table and he pushed my chair in, but his hands landed on my shoulders and I felt his lips in my hair.
Or when the maid finally came with our breakfast and he poured my juice and his fingers just happened to brush the backs of mine once he was done. And there was a light in his face that hadn’t been there before. I wonder if I look the same.
I sure felt different, almost buoyant. And for once there was no grey cloud hanging over my head. There was a knock at the door and we both looked. I noticed him tense before getting to his feet to answer the door. He kept his body in the doorway blocking the person’s view and his voice was low so I didn’t hear what was being said. But when he came back to the table I knew something had changed.
His face now had a hard cast to it and the light mood was suddenly gone. My hand shook as I lifted the glass of juice to my lips. He didn’t look at me, just stared across the room with a tic in his jaw and his hands clenched on the table.
I wanted to reach out and touch him, to ask what was wrong, but as far as we’d come there were some lines I dare not cross.
I don’t know why I did it, why I even thought of it. But before I could lose the nerve I got to my feet and dropped the robe from my shoulders. Without giving myself time to think I reached up and loosened the knot I’d put in my hair in the shower.
I knelt at his feet and placed my hand on his thigh. I didn’t say anything, just knelt there and waited for him to make the next move. One of his hands unclenched from the tight fist as he looked down at me in surprise. That hand came down on my head and caressed my hair the way only he does. I turned my face into his palm when he moved it down to my cheek and placed a small kiss in the center.
“It’s okay pet no one will harm you.” He shook his head at the look of confusion on my face. What was he talking about? Who was trying to hurt me? I looked towards the door with a sickening fear growing in my tummy.
He leaned over and picked me up, settling me on his lap. “Eat your breakfast sweetheart before it gets cold.” I pulled my plate over but my appetite was gone, and so was that light feeling. I was dying to ask him what was up, but he hates being questioned. He might have moments where it’s easy to forget the reality of what we are to each other, but some things you learn quick and never forget.
I’d come to accept. Well maybe not accept exactly, but I’ve learned to live with what is for now. I knew as much as I hated what the world had become, there really wasn’t much I could do about it. Others had tried and been defeated.
So what’s so wrong with self-preservation? What’s wrong with me making the choice to make the best of my situation? All fighting him ever got me was a sore ass from his dick and his whip. But the thing is, I’ve been noticing more here of late that it was no longer a game. At least not to me it isn’t.
I do look forward to being with him. I do like his hands on me and after last night I’d be a liar if I didn’t say the craving had only grown stronger. So if something was in the works to muddy up our little fucked up world, I wanted to know. But if I am the one in danger, that changes the color of things. I won’t stay here if that’s the case. But how can I find out what’s going on?
I’ve been talking to the maid on the sly when he wasn’t here. She’s the only other human being I was allowed to see after all. “I’m taking you outside today, would you like that?” I looked at him. His voice sounded normal but I could still feel the strain in his body. Was he reading my mind? How does he do that?
“Yes please.” He was trying hard to pretend that everything was okay but I know his eyes and there was something brewing in there that hadn’t been there before the knock at the door came.