“I used to do that,” Dylan said. “Back when I was first figuring things out.”
“Yeah, so I was texting with all these different dudes. At first it was just a distraction. Something fun to do with no strings attached. But there was this one guy…” She trailed off, biting her lip.
“Go on,” Dylan gently urged. “I know you’ll feel better if you can talk about this, Kendra. Believe me. I was keeping all that stuff in for a long time, and it’s not good for you. If you don’t release it by talking about it, it will eat you up inside.”
She finally turned to face him. “I know,” she said. “It’s like this hard, painful knot in my gut that never fully goes away. Maybe finally telling the whole story is what I need to do, whether I want to or not.” She blew out a breath, a look of resolution moving over her face.
“Okay. I think I’m ready.” She squeezed his hand again. “I want to tell you. I need to tell you. It’s time.”
Chapter 9
That nightmare had been one of the worst Kendra had had in a long time. She’d hoped that being with Dylan and sleeping in his arms every night had finally dispelled them once and for all. And, for the most part, it had. But seeing that man bent over the bound woman, with what she’d thought was a knife gleaming in his hand, and then the blood trickling down her breasts…
Thankfully, she’d forgotten most of the specifics of the bad dream, though the raw terror and sense of total helplessness still enveloped her like a cloying, damp fog. She gazed out the sliding glass doors, letting the serene view beyond them calm her.
“So,” she said at last, feeling as if she were poised on a high dive as she gathered her courage to leap. She looked over at Dylan lying beside her, his expression calm and kind. There was something so comforting, so needed, so…intimate…in his steadfast gaze.
Taking a breath, she dove in. “As I was telling you before, I used to hang out on this BDSM chat site. There was this one guy in particular who I really liked to chat with. He was articulate and funny, and said all the right things. He was sexy and fun to talk to. And he lived across the country, which actually suited me, because I wasn’t looking to hook up in real life. He was just my fantasy Master, if you will.”
Dylan nodded. “I get that. Those online connections can feel very real, very intense, maybe partially because you know you’ll never actually see the person, so you can really cut loose.”
“Exactly,” Kendra agreed, thinking back to how excited she’d been to connect with someone online who seemed genuine and passionate. Even though she should have known better, she believed all the lies the guy had spouted, especially the one about his strict adherence to safe, sane, consensual practices.
“I’d shared some of my deepest, darkest fantasies with him,” she admitted. “It sounds kind of lame now, but we’d engage in these hot and heavy chats that left my heart pounding and my clit throbbing. And one of those times…” She trailed off. This was harder than she’d thought it would be. She shifted her gaze from the view to steal another glance at Dylan.
He was watching her with an easy, kind expression, not a trace of impatience in his gaze.
She relaxed. It was okay. He wouldn’t judge her. She could do this. She needed to do this. She needed to get it out there, at last.
“One of those times,” she repeated, “I told him about my secret abduction fantasies. About how I sometimes imagined I was tied down, held captive by a gorgeous, sexy rogue who was going to have his way with me, no matter what I said or did. In one of the scenarios, a swashbuckling pirate abducts me and holds me captive on his ship. He forces me to do all sorts of horrible, wonderful things. Though I’m attracted to him, I’m also terrified of him.”
“Sounds pretty hot to me,” Dylan said with a smile. “As a fantasy, that is.”
“Exactly,” Kendra agreed, shaking her head. “As a fantasy. Not something you’d actually want to happen to you.”
“Agreed.”
“We were chatting hot and heavy for a couple of weeks. He was super good at creating a dark, sexy mood that really got my juices flowing. Then, out of the blue, he tells me he’s going to be flying into Seattle on business the next Friday, and did I want to meet for a drink.”
“The plot thickens,” Dylan interjected.
“To mud,” Kendra agreed morosely. “I should have said no. I’d never had any intention of hooking up with any of those online sex buddies. And this guy, he was a little too intense sometimes in how far he took the fantasies, even for my taste.