“Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking about it. I mean, that man is blistering hot. One touch, and I’d bet you’d go up in flames. That boy would leave a sunburn worse than the summer when we told your mama we had a school camping trip, but we really spent the weekend at Cotton Bayou Beach with our friends.”
I rinsed out the rag, wringing it a little more aggressively than necessary. “And you know that burn nearly killed me. No thank you. I’ve got enough pain in my life. And I’m not exactly free to go chasing after a man who smiles and asks me out.”
“Pssh . . . those papers sitting on your desk say otherwise. You shouldn’t let Asshat’s inability to keep it in his pants keep you from enjoyin’ yourself. It’s his fault you’re here in the first place. It’s time you took time for yourself, Hope.”
Turmoil fisted my heart. Every selfish betrayal meted at Dane’s hand. Thing was, I really didn’t care about the cheating.
“You know him stepping out on me was the least of my concerns.”
I’d actually been relieved to know he’d been seeing other women except for the fact he’d continued to come to me.
It was everything else that made the coil of hate glow hot where it throbbed deep within me. A feeling that was so foreign and gross and wrong I wanted to purge it from my consciousness.
It was there, this ominous cloud that followed me day to day. Just waiting for the downpour.
I got the unsettled feeling after his unexpected visit this weekend that the storm was about to make landfall.
Helplessly, my head shook. “Besides, you know exactly what Dane would do with that information.”
Really, all it would take was one rumor, and Dane’s lawyers would have all the ammo they needed to bury me. Even if that weren’t the case, I wasn’t sure I was ready to make myself vulnerable again, either. If I was ready to open myself up. Once I did, I knew I’d be all in.
She huffed and pointed toward the door. “Tell me you aren’t attracted to him.”
Images flashed.
The man at the bar.
My breath gone.
My stomach twisted and twined in an overpowering kind of desire.
It was a feeling I hadn’t felt in so, so long.
Too long.
I’d loved the way the idea of it had tasted on my tongue.
The way I’d thought about him when I’d crawled into the cold sheets of my bed.
The way I’d touched myself and pretended as if I were finally completely free.
The way butterflies had stormed and scattered and flapped when I’d looked up to find him standing there this morning.
Tall and confident and so damned pretty.
Polished, immaculate chaos.
An epiphany.
“I know you, Hope,” Jenna continued with her badgering, all gall and exasperation. “And you haven’t had a reaction to a man in years. Not since limp dick came weaseling his way into your life when you were twenty.”
I started to refill the sectioned basket next to the register with napkins and coffee stirrers. “It doesn’t change anything, Jenna.” I lifted a droll brow. “And I’m pretty sure his dick being limp was not his problem.”
The problem with Dane was he wasn’t just a dick.
He had an ugly soul.
A warped kind of soul he hadn’t shown me until it was too late.
“Might as well have been with the size of it. Pathetic.” Jenna was fighting a smile. That was just Jenna’s way.
She completely caught me off guard when she suddenly reached out and grabbed me by the outside of my arms, forcing me to face her and giving me a little shake.
“Life’s dealt you some tough blows. I’m not discounting that. But I’m not about to stand aside and watch you forget how to live. That’s what Dane wants. You to be so terrified you don’t know how to live anymore. I refuse to let that happen. Not when you finally got up the courage to leave.”
Emotion clogged my throat and tears burned my eyes. My brow pinched in a pleading way. “I’ve got plenty to live for, Jenna. You know that. And right now, I have to protect it. Please don’t ask me to compromise that.”
Grief struck across her face. “I know that . . . I just . . . the point of you leaving was so he was no longer in control. I don’t want to see you give him any more.”
“He was waiting for me at my house Friday night after I got home from your party,” I admitted way too fast.
Shock slammed into Jenna’s expression before twisting into anger. “That bastard. What did he want?”
Bitter laughter tumbled free. “What he always wants. His way. To look like he has a perfect little wife and a perfect family. I told him there was no chance of that ever happening. Now I just have to make sure I’m smart enough to keep that promise a reality.”