From under the mask, Evan smiled his wide smile, and I ruffled my fingers through his hair, barely able to mouth the words, “Hey, buddy.”
He was okay.
He signed HI.
A breath pressed from my lips, a million pounds of worry let loose in the sound. I glanced at Hope, touched her cheek, praying she could see it in my eyes.
He’s fine. I promise. He’s fine.
A throat cleared, and my attention jumped up to meet the confused gaze of a woman I’d never met, but knew had to be Josiah’s mother. She stood on the opposite side of the bed, watching over him, dried tears still staining her cheeks.
She tore her eyes away from me and turned them on Hope. “Hope . . . I’m so sorry to scare you this way. I think . . . I think he just got out of breath, and I panicked—” She fumbled, hesitated, her worried gaze turning to Josiah, who was huddled in the corner, sitting on his father’s knee.
Josiah’s eyes were wide and terrified and confused. Worried about his friend.
“You know . . .” She said it like an apology riddled with empathy.
Because Josiah’s mom understood all the things Hope was feeling perfectly.
“It’s okay,” Hope managed, stare still locked on her son. “It’s okay. I’m just . . .” She forced herself to look at Josiah’s mom, offering a soggy smile. “I’m so grateful you brought him here, Chanda. It isn’t worth the risk. I would have done the same thing.”
Chanda gave a reassuring tip of her chin, her eyes flitting to me before they jerked away. As if she thought she was invading on something private.
At the exact same time, her husband’s brow was pinching together in his own confusion, clearly working to figure out where he’d seen me before.
I roughed a hand over my head, blinking, calculating, trying to figure out what the fuck to do. I had no idea how Hope would want me to handle this.
How I wanted to.
That was right when I noticed Dr. Laurent Kristoff standing just off to the side, studying the readout on the portable ECG machine, checking the rhythm of Evan’s heart.
In all the upheaval, I hadn’t realized the emergency room doctor I’d worked next to for years was right there. Seems Hope wasn’t the only one with tunnel vision.
Laurent did a double take when he noticed me. “Dr. Bryant?”
Nodding, I forced myself to give him a cordial smile, but I didn’t get anything out before the door opened behind me.
Dr. Krane, the cardiac specialist at GL Children’s Center, stepped inside.
Obviously, he was the pediatric cardiologist on call this weekend.
Shit.
He grinned when he saw me. “Dr. Bryant, I didn’t realize you were on call.”
That’s because I wasn’t.
I grimaced. “Not on call,” I admitted.
His expression shifted for a flash, morphing into confusion or concern, I wasn’t sure, before he shrugged it off, moved across the floor, and turned his attention on Evan.
The reason we were all there.
That didn’t mean I couldn’t feel the weight of Josiah’s dad’s stare. The questions that were coming from everyone.
Because I was responsible for the care of both of these boys.
They were supposed to be my single focus.
No distractions.
I’d lived my life on that rule.
And here I was, so goddamned distracted my insides were in knots and my spirit was roaring, wrapped up in a way I’d never let it before.
Sure. I’d examined Frankie Leigh. But always on the side. As a bolster for Rex. A second opinion. Reassurance. Her pediatrician was the one who was truly in charge of her care.
Hope sent me an apologetic glance.
I shook my head.
Don’t be sorry.
Because the truth of it all?
I wanted to be there.
I wanted to be there for her.
And goddamn it, I needed to be there for him.
20
Hope
“Ms. Masterson, I would think it would greatly benefit you to apply for our state health care program.”
I blinked at the woman behind the desk, who was speaking to me about the fact my son had been rushed into the ER. Uninsured.
What she didn’t understand was that he had to be, for just a little while longer.
My head shook, and I fought the new kind of panic that clawed through my spirit. “No, I’ll be paying out of pocket.”
She looked at me as if I were crazy, which admittedly, was exactly how I felt, never having imagined I would ever go down a path such as this. But my son was worth it.
He was worth any debt. Any sacrifice. Any lie.
It was only for a year. Until the day I could ensure Dane would never be a threat to Evan again.
“You’re looking at, at least five thousand for this visit alone, Ms. Masterson.”
My throat constricted at that number, but I managed to force a bright, fake smile. “It’s fine, I have the funds.”
Or really, I would find a way to get them.