The Accidental Girlfriend

Madi grinned. “One part of him does, anyway.”

I threw a cushion at her. “Shut your face.”

“Just do it,” Madi continued. “You’re not fake breaking up yet anyway. It might naturally become something. If you get along that well, it’s not out of the realm of possibility.”

“She’s right,” Tina said, hugging a cushion to her chest. “Let it happen as it happens. It’s not going to be the end of the world, and don’t you dare tell me you don’t want a relationship.”

“I don’t want a relationship!” I protested. “I’m happy being single. Really, I am. I’m not going to go and look for a relationship.”

“You’re not looking for one! It found you, idiot.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want the hassle of having a man around.” Never mind that he was helpful when Henry had a Nutella ass. “They require attention. I already have a cat for that. And a sister. And my mother.”

Madi snorted. “Okay, look—you have, what? Two weeks-ish left of this fake-relationship stuff?”

“Pretty much.”

“So deal with it. Just roll with it. He’s not high maintenance, is he?”

I shrugged one shoulder. “Not really.”

“There you go. He’s not needy. He makes you laugh. He’s good in bed. That’s all you need in a man.”

“A stable job and loyalty are also up there,” Tina added. “Nobody wants an unfaithful, broke bastard.”

“Fair point.” Madi nodded.

I sighed and sipped my wine. “Yes, yes, Mason is perfect. Can we move on now?”

They both squealed.

“I’ve never heard you call a guy perfect!” Tina clapped her hands, startling Henry, who was sleeping on the windowsill.

He jerked his head up and, with a lazy blink, bounded over to the sofa where she was sitting and promptly sat on her head.

“I asked for this, didn’t I?” Her eyes flicked between us both.

“Yep.” Madi leaned forward and passed her her wine glass. “At least you can drink now.”

I laughed, only just avoiding snorting wine up my nose. “You totally asked for it. You know better than to wake him up.”

Henry meowed.

“So what are you going to do?” Tina pushed her hair out of her face, only for Henry to move his leg and push it all back over her eye again.

“Nothing,” I said honestly. My phone buzzed, and I reached for it on the coffee table. “I don’t see that I have to actively do anything. I mean, if something is meant to happen, then it’ll happen, right?”

“You’re spending too much time on Pinterest with that philosophical shit,” Madi said.

“Whatever. Look, I’m not going to actively pursue anything. I don’t even know if he actually likes me. I mean, I offered myself to him like he was an old English king, and I was a pig with an apple in my mouth. And he hesitated.”

Tina tapped her chin. “Maybe he didn’t want to make it awkward.”

“He’d just had his tongue halfway down my throat. It was awkward.”

“So awkward,” Madi agreed. “Okay. So you’re just going to let the chips fall where they may?”

“Yeah. That’s what people do, isn’t it? When they date? They let everything fall into place.” I shrugged and opened the new message on my phone.

UNKNOWN: I saw your ad online. Are your services still available?

Huh.

I looked at Madi and Tina. “Guys, did I ever take down that ad? Offering my dating services?”

They shared a glance. “I don’t think so,” Tina answered. “Why?”

“Because I just got this text.” I read out the message. “I can’t have taken it down.”

Madi bit her lip. “I guess you didn’t. Ask and see if that’s what they mean. For all you know, someone with your number put up a sex ad or something.”

“If anyone was going to do that, it would be you,” I pointed out before I replied.

LAUREN: Do you mean the fake date ad?

UNKNOWN: Yes. Are you still available? I need a date for tomorrow night. It’s my dad’s engagement party.

I read out that text then said, “What do I do?”

Tina moved so quickly she actually dislodged the hefty lump of feline on top of her head. Henry mewled his displeasure as he headed toward my bedroom.

“What do you mean, what do you do? You say no!” She waved her hands. “Lauren!”

“Eh.” Madi leaned back and dangled her wine glass between her fingers.

“Eh? What is eh?” Tina’s eyes bugged out of her head.

Madi tucked her red hair behind her ear. “I don’t know that it’s a bad thing. She’s clearly torn about how she feels about Mason and, more to the point, there’s nothing that says she can’t do it. They’re not actually seeing each other. She can do what she wants.”

I glanced down at my phone. She had a point, but… “It feels weird. Like, not the actual fake date thing, but the situation. Kirsty saw my ad for the joke it was—kind of—and messaged me on behalf of Mason. Why would any sane guy think that was serious?”