He couldn’t look me in the eyes. I was so tired of the lies and the manipulation. I was sick of everything.
Then he murmured, “I did try.”
“Not hard enough. What? A month?” I was disgusted. “That’s not a marriage. I don’t blame Mom for not giving up her loyalties to Grandpa. I wouldn’t either if my wife had another dick in her after a month of marriage.” I laughed. “What a riot. You tried. That might be one of the biggest lies I’ve heard from you.” It was killing me because he wouldn’t cheat on this new one. I had sensed it in him for a long time. He would be the husband to her that he hadn’t been for my mom.
“I am sorry for putting you guys through all of this. We should’ve been more discreet, your mother and I.”
“Just stop.” I sneered at him. I sneered at my own father. That was wrong, but somehow it seemed so acceptable in our lives. “I don’t want to hear about your failed marriage. I lived it. Say what you came to say.”
“She’s moving in.”
“When?”
“Next weekend.”
I felt sucker punched. We had less than a week.
“Do you want me to tell Logan or—”
I didn’t even let him finish. “No. I will.” He had to hear it from me. “I’ll tell him.”
He stood, nodding to himself. As he went to the door, he wiped his hands down the front of his pants and I had to laugh. He looked up. “What?”
It was like he’d been nervous, but that was the irony. It didn’t matter what we wanted or what was best for us, he was going to do whatever he wanted. We never mattered. For him to be nervous now? It didn’t make sense.
“What?” he asked again.
“I think you’re a coward.”
He took a step back, looking like I had sucker punched him instead.
I didn’t care. “After all the stuff you’ve done and now you give me a week’s heads up that some new woman is moving in? Should I thank you for the consideration of even telling me?” I gestured to his hands. “You were sweating. That means you were nervous and that means you cared how this would go. Why? You haven’t cared this whole time.”
Pain and regret flashed over his face and he didn’t answer for a moment. I didn’t think he would. His throat jerked up and down as he cleared his throat. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse, “I’m sorry for threatening to send Logan away. I’m not a great father. I know that. I wasn’t a good husband at all, but this is a new beginning. That’s what I’m hoping for.”
He started for the door, but I stopped him again. “Were you with her the whole time?”
“What?”
“Logan saw her around years ago, but I know you were with other women. Have you been with her this whole time?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I didn’t want to leave a marriage and jump into another serious relationship, but you’re right. Analise has been around. She’s been patient. She waited for me. I love her, Mason. I love her a lot.”
I knew he did. I hated that he did. “What about her kid?”
“She’s coming too.”
I narrowed my eyes.
So did he. He hesitated and then said, “I’m quite aware of what you are capable of, Mason. I’ve watched you grow up.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You will leave Samantha alone. If you have any idea of pursuing her to hurt me or hurt Analise, let it go now. That girl has no idea about any of this. Her entire world is going to be turned upside down in five days. You let her be when they move in.”
I laughed again. “I don’t have to hurt that girl. You and her mother have already done enough. If I did anything, it’d be to help her.”
He studied me for a long minute. “You just let her be. Logan too. I don’t want either of you to even talk to her.”
Of course. As he left, I had to appreciate even more irony. He was telling me to be a stranger to his old mistress/new girlfriend’s child when they became our roommates. Only in our lives would that make perfect sense.
Then my phone buzzed and Logan’s name appeared on the screen. He needed to be told too.
19
TELLING LOGAN
We were at a party, but I couldn’t hold it in. Nodding to Logan, I gestured away from everyone. This had nothing to do with them. This was family business. This was private. When Ethan and Strauss started to come with him, I shook my head. They fell back immediately. They never questioned me, but Logan saw the exchange and he frowned.
We went to a back room. Once we were there, he said, “What’s going on? You’re acting weird.”
Shit. I didn’t want to say it, but he had to know. “She’s moving in.”
Logan was silent.
I waited. He was my kid brother and I was scared. What would he say? How would he react? Then he shrugged. “Okay.”
I frowned. “Next weekend.”
He hung his head.
There he was. He was my little brother again. We didn’t talk about our parents’ relationship or lack of one. We talked about people who were trying to hurt us or use us. We were a united front against them, but this was different. Logan had always clammed up when it came to Mom and Dad. He needed to talk about it, but fuck. I had no idea what to say.
I tried, “I’m sorry.”
“Why?” He bit out a bitter laugh. “You didn’t force Dad to sleep with all those women. You didn’t make him give up on their marriage or Mom to put up with his shit. You fucking raised me. That’s what you did.” He wiped at his eyes, swallowing for a moment. “Shit. For real?”
I nodded. “Dad told me today.”
“Christ. My god. FUCK.” He closed his eyes and turned away. His shoulders shook.
“Logan.”
“Stop, Mason.” He turned to me.
The sight of his tears silenced me. He had cried in front of me before, but this was deep. This had been going on for so long. My own emotions were coming up in me. I didn’t want to deal with it.
He asked, his voice hoarse, “Why the fuck can’t we have normal parents? You know, where the dad and mom don’t lie all the time? Maybe some of the time, but they fight, make up, and the family pretends everything’s fine. Why’d we have to have ours?” He shook his head. “We’re not even a family. It’s you and me. Who the hell is Dad to us? He’s not a father.” His arm jerked up to me. “You’re my father. You raised me. He didn’t. She didn’t. FUCK.”
He turned back away, but it didn’t matter. He hurt. I hurt. No one could deny it or ignore it anymore. Everything he said was true. It was us against the world. It had been for a long time.
“He loves that bitch, doesn’t he?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“He’s going to marry her.”
“Probably.”
“She already hates us.”
“Yeah.” I closed my eyes. I’d been protecting him for so long, but I couldn’t anymore. “I have no idea what she’ll do, but I’m assuming she’ll want us out eventually.”
Another harsh laugh came from him. “So it’s over.”
It was. A resounding ache was in my gut. It was worse than ever before. “Yeah. It’s over between Mom and Dad.”
“They’ve been divorced for a while. She moved out years ago.” He sighed. “Why is this still hurting? It’s like the pain will never go away.”
“Yeah.” The ache deepened as he spoke.
His voice dropped to a whisper. “Why do I feel like I’m that little kid again, listening to Mom cry as he ignores her?”
We were both there, reliving that moment. I was on the stairway with him, hearing their argument from our floor. Logan said, “We shouldn’t have had to go through that.”
“We’re not the first.”
“I know.” I wouldn’t do that, not to my own child. “It hurts because it’s done, for real this time. He moved on.”
“Mom hasn’t.”
“She will.” She would have to. “He left her alone a long time ago, she just didn
’t let him go.”
Logan cursed again. “This sucks.”
“I know.” The ache was still embedded in my chest. It wasn’t going anywhere. I’d have to live with it. I already had been. “I want to get drunk tonight.”
He flashed me a grin, brushing at his eyes at the same time. “I thought you stopped drinking for football.”
“Really?”
He laughed. “Coach says you can’t drink, remember? It’ll screw up your training.”
“Fuck my training.” I shook my head. “Fuck this night.”
“Fuck our life.”