Dillon had been playfully offended that my old cop friend didn’t want to hang out with us, teasing me that the two of us must still not like each other very much if he didn’t want to stay to eat, while my daddy had grumbled that some people never changed and it was time for someone to stand up and take responsibility.
But it was Benjamin’s reaction that had nearly destroyed me.
Poking holes at that brittle place that had always held the remnants of Maxon’s betrayal.
Home to the sharp shards of love that I was never gonna get rid of.
He’d been sitting at his window, staring out, and I’d gone over, touched his hair. He’d looked up at me with his sweet, sweet face, and my ever-insightful boy had whispered that he was sorry that he might have scared away my friend.
What was I supposed to say to that? Truth was, in a way he had, but not in the way that Benjamin was thinking.
At least, I didn’t think Maxon could be so horrible and low.
My aching heart gave another pang, a dark misery rising and sloshing, threatening to take over.
What if that was what had sent him running?
“What are you thinking, sweet girl?” Mama asked, edging forward another step.
I inhaled, trying to see clearly through the pain and questions. “I just . . . I think I need to go over there and talk to him.”
“Right now?” she shot out, a little horrified. “At this time of night?”
“We’re long since passed worrying about what the neighbors think, aren’t we?” I teased a little, though it didn’t come out sounding all that funny.
“Izzy,” she chastised with a click of her tongue. “You think I’ve ever been ashamed of you?”
“Never. You never once made me feel that way.”
“Good. Because that would wreck me.” She angled her head. “But do you think that’s a good idea right now? Running back over there? Think maybe you both need some time to clear your heads. Come to terms. He suffered a big shock, and his reaction caused you a big blow.”
The cup clanked when I set it on the counter, my entire body in upheaval. “I’m not running back to beg him for anything, Mama, but I think we both know the way he found out wasn’t all that fair. I feel like I owe him an explanation. An apology. I can’t stand the idea of him sitting across town thinking I tried to trick him or trap him.”
Her lips pursed. “I get that, Izzy . . . you’ve been the one who’s had to make all the hard choices for all these years. Always protectin’ your family. Doin’ the best for Benjamin, the same when Dillon came along.”
I huffed out a sigh. “Apparently, I’m not all that great at makin’ those hard decisions, am I?”
“Nonsense. You have done the best you can, and who those boys are? The love and compassion they hold? That’s because of you and your heart. Don’t question that for a second.”
I looked at my Mama, emotion bleeding free. “There are so many things I’d do differently if I could.”
A soft smile pulled to her mouth. “All of us would, sweet girl. We all make mistakes. They shape us. We learn from them. We make changes because of them. They make us who we are. And all that shapin’ has made you into the most amazing person I know. Someone who is kind and good and deserves to find happiness.”
“I am happy, Mama. My boys make me happy. Bein’ here with you and Daddy makes me happy.”
Her gaze softened. “I know that. But I’m talking about joy, Izzy. In life. In something just for you. Whether that’s fallin’ in love or reaching out and taking hold of what you love to do. You think that spark isn’t still shinin’ from you? Just because you’re a mama doesn’t mean it doesn’t still glow. And I know that man broke your heart in a way that is hard to undo, but whether if it happens tonight or in a year, both of you have to resolve that, let it go, so you can move on and find your joy. It’s been holdin’ you back for too long.”
A gleam came to her eye. “Unless you’re not wantin’ to move on.”
“Mama,” I chastised. God, she just knew how to get to me.
She took me by the chin, and she studied my face in the shadows. “But whose joy is forgotten is lost.”
Emotion rushed, warmth pressing full as I murmured, “And whose heart is free is found.”
She held my gaze, that vast, endless love shining through.
The kind only a mother understood.
She smiled slow. “Free your heart, Izzy Mae. However you need to do it. Whatever it looks like.”
“Thank you, Mama.”
She pinched my chin a little. “I will always support you . . . wherever you go. Whatever you decide.”