Hold on to Hope

Evan already decided that for me three years ago.

And that pain?

That was something I didn’t ever want to experience again.

Twenty minutes later, we had most everything packed into the back of Josiah’s old Tahoe. A cooler, bags of groceries, towels and blankets, and all our camping supplies.

I had to admit, I felt minimally better after a steaming hot shower. I’d pulled on some cutoff shorts and a tank over my favorite printed bikini and tied my hair up in a messy knot.

That was as good as it was goin’ to get.

“Beer. Wine. Ice. Chips. Beer.” Josiah ticked the all-important list off with his fingers.

“I think you’re safe,” I told him, totally droll.

He only had six 12-packs stacked in the back.

“You never know, Kit Kat.”

So, the guy had a problem that he nicknamed everyone after his favorite candy bars. When I was thirteen, I’d wanted to reem him for it, but now I got it was nothin’ but affection.

You knew you were in big, big trouble if he only deemed you worthy of calling you by your first name.

I leaned into the back of the SUV, trying to make room for a big umbrella.

A hand landed on one cheek of my butt and squeezed.

I jumped so high I nearly hit my head on the opened hatch, and I whirled around, doing my best to play it cool.

To pretend like my entire being hadn’t just flinched with his touch.

To pretend like I wasn’t carrying around this weight that was threatening to suffocate.

Jack shoved a small duffle bag into an open space, giving me a good side-eye.

I’d been avoiding him like he was the carrier of a brand-new plague. One that riddled you with guilt, and the shame you bore slowly killed you off.

But this was no love triangle.

Not when Evan and I were a constellation.

An intricate pattern that glimmered and twinkled in the deepest night. One that led you into the light like the sun breeching the horizon after you’d spent years wandering in the dark.

Old affection thrashed.

Tried to rise up and take hold.

How did I stop the flood? I couldn’t entertain these thoughts. Couldn’t.

Loving Evan Bryant had just hurt too bad.

I glanced at Jack. My chest squeezed tight. Even if I could never be with Evan, could never trust him that way again, I knew I had to end this. It wasn’t fair to Jack. But how did you tell the guy who was supposed to be your boyfriend you were in love with someone else? That you’d always been and there was nothing in the world that was gonna change it?

That it would just be better that you weren’t with either one of them?

Jack frowned through a smile. “What’s goin’ on with you, Frankie Leigh? You’re acting weird.”

I heaved out a strained breath, forced a smile of my own. “Nothin’. You startled me, that’s all.” Only it was something I was goin’ to have to take care of and soon.

Carly shouldered around Jack, knocking him a couple feet back. She wedged a wicker tote on top of our pile of supplies. “I think that’s it. We’re ready to roll.”

“Are you sure you brought enough shit?” Jack teased her, canting her one of his charming grins.

“No, actually, I’m not, but this was all that I could fit. Of course, you could hang back here, and I could fill your spot with some more of my things?”

If only I could get so lucky.

“Fine. Just don’t ask me to drag all your crap to the camp spot,” Jack returned, lifting his muscled, tattooed arms in surrender.

“Ha. You wish. That’s the only reason we’re letting you come.” Carly gave him all her sass.

“You ready?” She turned her attention on me.

“It’s gonna be a blast,” I told her, nothing but sarcasm dripping from my tongue.

She reached up and slammed the hatch down. “Oh, it’s gonna be a blast, all right.”

Half an hour later, we were on the outskirts of Gingham Lakes where we hit the two-lane road that led out to the river and the lakes. Tall trees rose up at the sides of the road that curved and twisted through the lush, dense forest where it followed along the river.

We weren’t even to the lakes yet, and I was already losing my breath.

That fluttery feeling of awe slipping into my bloodstream.

I’d been coming here for all my life, all the way back when it was just me and my daddy. We spent most every weekend out on the slippery rocks near the waterfalls that overlooked one of the lakes, Daddy grilling us hamburgers over a rock-rimmed fire while I’d danced and played and imagined I could be anything.

It was my favorite place in the world.

That world had expanded as our families had grown. As Rynna had become a sacred part of that vision. As Kale and Hope and Evan had become a part of it, as well as the rest of their tight-knit friends.