Hold on to Hope

* * *

Family first.

You’d heard it said a million times. Tossed around like platitudes and the worst sort of cliché. Mostly because people rarely honored that philosophy. So busy and wrapped up in their worlds that they’d forgotten what it really meant.

Phones and errands and TV.

But that’s what these weekends were about. Coming together. No other focus than cherishing the time. Wishing it would last.

So maybe I would have regretted it if I hadn’t have come, but that didn’t mean being here in the middle of it was easy, either.

All the guys were out in the lake, segmented into two teams, throwing the football, tackling each other before a swimmer could make it to the opposite side to their goal.

My daddy was the captain of one team.

My uncle, Ollie, the other.

They’d basically been trash-talking each other the entire day leading up to the big sporting event. Guessed that’s what happened when you were lifelong friends.

Evan’s little sister, Charlotte, and Uncle Ollie and Aunt Nikki’s daughter, Becca, had both begged me to play.

Jack was on my daddy’s team and Evan was on Uncle Ollie’s.

You could safely say there was no chance in hell that I was gonna get in the middle of that.

All the tents were built on the perimeter of the camp. We’d made a gathering area in the middle and up a little closer to the beach, blankets and chairs set up together with big umbrellas overhead to offer shade.

Aunt Nikki, my mama, and Aunt Lillith were huddled around Aunt Hope where she sat on the edge of a blanket so she could watch Everett playing with some toys in the sand.

The little boy was wearing a beach hat and little sunglasses and probably an entire gallon of sun screen, his chubby belly hanging out all over the place in his adorable swim trunks.

I made sure to stay on the opposite end of where they were, where the summer sun beat down and I tried to pretend like I was napping while I suntanned, Milo curled up beside me. Pretended like I wasn’t affected by all of this when every second made me feel like I was getting ripped to shreds.

I’d started to actually drift off. To relax.

But that was impossible when I heard the direction the conversation had shifted.

“How are you doing with all of this, Hope? I’m not the only one who thinks this is crazy, right? Is anyone else as shocked as me?” Aunt Nikki’s voice was hushed and eager, tinged with a hue of worry.

Aunt Nikki never hesitated to say what was on her mind.

Maybe playing football would have been a safer bet.

Could feel Aunt Hope’s hesitation, and I cracked open a single eye, unable to stop myself from eavesdropping. Her red hair glowed around her, and she was hugging her knees to her chest, glancing between Aunt Nikki and Everett who was babbling away and dumping shovelfuls of sand into a bucket.

“I don’t even know how I’m doing with it. I think I’m still in shock, honestly. I mean, I have a grandchild that I didn’t even know about.”

“God, I can’t even imagine. I mean, seriously, if Bo came home with a kid, I would absolutely lose my mind.” Aunt Nikki sounded horrified by the thought. “I’d never let that boy leave his room again.”

Her son, Bo, was barely fifteen. I sure hoped he didn’t come dragging home a baby. And if he did? I’d ground him myself. Maybe even give him a good spankin’ or two.

“Especially after Evan has been gone for all that time and then shows back up? I’m not sure if I’d be more pissed off or relieved that he’d returned.”

Aunt Lillith smacked her in the shoulder. “Have you not learned when to keep your mouth shut yet? This is hard enough without you stirring up bad blood.”

Aunt Nikki shook her head and lifted her brows. “Um . . . hello, Lily Pad. We are family. And families should be talking nothing but the truth. And I’m betting that Hope here probably needs to get a few things off her chest. It’s not stirring up bad blood when I know Hope hasn’t gotten this off her mind once in three years. I think it’s about damn time we addressed it, don’t you?”

Aunt Hope laughed a dubious sound. “Yeah, I think Nikki’s right.” She hummed for a second like she was trying to process her thoughts. “You know, it’s crazy how we could be so upset with him and brought to our knees by relief at the same time.”

Aunt Hope fidgeted, warring with the feelings that were clearly catching up to her.

I peeked a discrete eye her direction.

“We’ve been so worried about him all this time . . . so worried. It’s the worst feeling in the world when your own child cuts you out of their life, but knowing for him to do it, he had to have been just as distraught? Hurtin’ in a way there was no chance I really understood? That I missed it? I . . . I feel like I failed him somewhere along the way.”