Hold on to Hope

Evan.

Evan.

Evan.

His name pounded on her ears.

Her favorite, favorite person in the whole world.

Her froggy boy.

Frankie all of a sudden felt freezing cold all over. Like she was in a pool of ice and all the big pieces were covering her and she couldn’t get out and she was gonna drown.

Her lungs squeezed, funny sounds ripping from her throat that stung, everything feeling so ugly.

Her stomach got sicker and sicker she thought she was goin’ to throw up.

She ran into the kitchen. “What do you mean, Daddy? Where is Evan? I want to go see my best friend right now.”

Alarm filled up her daddy’s face, and he was saying one of those bad words she wasn’t allowed to say before he was standing. He reached out for her. She jumped back and stomped her feet. “Take me now, Daddy. I wants to go to Evan’s house right now.”

“I’m sorry, Sweet Pea. You can’t.” His voice cracked and Frankie’s eyes were all blurry and she couldn’t see.

“Please, Daddy! Take me right now! I need to see him. I got to give him a toy.”

And Frankie had never seen her daddy get tears before but he had them in his eyes, and she hurt all over like she fell down and her whole body got bloody. “Please, Daddy. Right now. We gots to go right now.”

Her daddy dropped to his knees on the floor. “Sweet Pea.” His voice was so sad when he said it, and she hated it so, so bad when it sounded like that. He brushed back her hair. “Evan’s sick. Really sick. Remember how we told you he has a bad heart? It’s really broken right now, and the doctors aren’t sure they can fix it.”

She clutched at hers, her shirt in her fists. “Then let me give him mines.”

Her daddy’s face crumpled up like a piece of paper, and he grabbed her, wrapped his arms that always made her feel so safe around her. But she didn’t want him to hug her. They needed to hurry fast.

“Hurry, Daddy. You got to take me right now so I can give him my heart. He needs a good one.”

“Sweet Pea . . . You can’t give him your heart. People only have one.”

“No. I want to give him mine. RIGHT. NOW!”

She was shouting and begging and her tears were big and hot, and her daddy was hugging her tight, and she thought that maybe she was gonna drown again. The way she’d felt when her mean mommy had left her alone and it was so scary and everything burned.

She didn’t want Evan to be sick.

She had to make him better.

Her daddy stood up with her in his arms, and her face was in his neck, and his skin was getting all wet from her tears. “Daddy, please.” Her voice sounded weaker.

He ran his hand over her back. “I’m sorry, Frankie Leigh. I’m sorry. I would change it if I could.”

“We have to do something right now.”

He hugged her tighter. “The only thing we can do is pray.”

* * *

“Oh, Frankie, what are you doing?” her mama asked from Frankie’s bedroom door.

But Frankie didn’t have time to stop. She kept trying to cut open the stuffed froggy, her movements frantic and shaking and her finger stinging from where she cut it.

She wasn’t allowed to have sharp scissors but she needed them really, really bad. So bad that she wouldn’t even care if she got sent to her room for being in trouble for the whole day.

A fat droplet of blood dripped on the big green froggy, and she hoped that Evan wouldn’t be mad that she got red on it.

“Frankie Leigh.” A hand curled softly around her shoulder.

She shrugged it off. “I gots to do surgery like Uncle Kale, Mama. Shh. You gots to be so, so, so quiet. Did you knows Evan looks just like a froggy? I fink this is his favorite toy in the whole world.”

Her mama climbed down beside her, touching the hearts Frankie had cut and colored and were spread out all over her bed.

Frankie’s hearts.

At least a hundred of them.

Because Evan needed so many hearts.

Not just one like her daddy said.

When she got the froggy open wide, she started stuffing all of the hearts inside, saying all the prayers she could find.

Please, please, please make Evan okay. He’s my bestest friend and I need him to stay here. It’s too scary to be alone. Don’t make Evan be alone. I’ll be good. I promise.

Her mama softly brushed her fingers through Frankie’s hair. “Do you want me to help you?”

Frankie frantically shook her head. “No. I gots to do it. They gots to be my hearts because he’s my best friend and Grammy said best friends make all the problems gets all better.”

“Okay,” her mama agreed, but her face was still sad, and she stayed right there while Frankie got all the hearts where they belonged. Frankie took the big needle and the white thread and she sewed it up fast so they were all safe inside.