Hold on to Hope

“Frankie.” It was a command. Misery. A terrifying promise.

Panic surged in behind the aftershocks that left my legs trembling and weak, and I was choking, gasping, twisting out from where he had me pinned.

Stumbling, I got about ten feet away before I flipped around and looked at him in horror.

“Frankie.”

“Why are you doing this, Evan?” I rushed through the vacant words, trying to wipe away the onslaught of moisture that rushed down my face. “Why?”

His jaw hardened. BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

Oh God. How desperately I had wanted to hear those words.

To cling to their truth.

My hands were on my chest, trying to hold back my heart that was already crawling through the cracks, through my fingers, through my defenses. “You left me,” I couldn’t help but beg. “You. Left. Me.” I could barely get it out I was crying so hard.

I wished he could take it back.

That he wouldn’t have left all those scars written on me.

“I loved you, Evan. Needed you. If my love wasn’t enough for you then, how would it be now?”

“I was wrong,” he begged. “I never should have gone, Frankie. I know that now. But I wanted you to have the chance at a normal life. A family. Children. Everything I couldn’t give you.”

He took a step in my direction. “More than that? I never wanted to see you with that look on your face again, Frankie Leigh. I’ll never forget it, you coming through that hospital door. Couldn’t stand the thought of being the reason for that much fear.”

Hot tears streamed out of my eyes. Soaking my face and trailing off my chin. All that pain was getting free. Everything I’d held inside threatening to climb right out to be set at his feet.

And I knew, standing there, that I had to tell him.

But how could I do it when I knew it would absolutely devastate him? What if it sent him running again?

“Evan.” My throat tremored.

“I love you, Frankie. Tell me you still love me, too.”

I blinked, wanting to just confess it all.

Memories rampaged through my mind. Us as children. The bond that should have been inseverable. Our love that had blossomed from the most beautiful place. The devotion I’d thought would come with that.

The pain. The betrayal.

The darkest night I’d ever spent.

I blinked through them all, and a sob caught in my throat.

Everything crushing down.

Unsure that I would survive that kind of pain again, I turned and I fled.

Problem was, the whole way back, I could hear him calling my heart back to his.

Fourteen

Frankie Leigh

Tension curled through the cabin of Josiah’s Tahoe as we headed back for our duplexes. Every mile it grew thicker. The silence denser. This dark echo that had followed us all morning like a heavy cloud.

We’d packed up and left early. I’d tiptoed over to my mama’s tent and woke her, told her we had to take off because Carly wasn’t feeling well.

Carly had told me I was welcome to throw her under the bus, but I owed her big time.

Thing was, I couldn’t stand beneath the scrutiny and the questions.

Warily, I peeked over at Jack who was raging soundlessly in his seat. Knee going a hundred miles an hour. Even beneath his burly beard, I could see his jaw was hard as stone.

God, had everything gone downhill and fast last night. About as fast as I’d been scrambling back down the trail for my tent. The panic that had sent me spiraling. It’d only gotten ten times worse when I’d gotten to camp and I’d found Jack sitting outside his tent staring at the dead fire, tears staining my cheeks and my lips swollen from Evan’s kisses.

Guilt written all over me like a brand.

I couldn’t even face him. I’d fumbled back into my tent like I’d simply wandered out into the darkness to pee and had come right back, then lain swamped in shame until the sun had come up a couple hours later.

Thinking about it sent a tremble through my spirit. Never had I wanted it to go down like that. Never should I have let Evan touch me. Not when I hadn’t ended things with Jack. Hell, I probably shouldn’t have let it go down at all. Not when I couldn’t get rid of the worry that I was setting myself up for a whole new brand of pain.

There was another part of me that knew it was worth it.

That every second I got to spend with Evan was one that was cherished.

Even if it was only one second of bliss.

The whole ride home, no one tried to make small talk considering there were no words that were going to make this okay.

No apology I could give.

It just was what it was.

Even though I hadn’t wanted him to, Jack had become one of those casualties in the war Evan and I were fighting.