Hold on to Hope

Frankie began to rub his back. Softly. Tenderly.

“Shh,” she whispered.

Like it was intuition.

Second nature.

“Are you tired, sweet boy? Shh . . . just relax. We’re right here.”

Love squeezed my chest. So damn tight I could hardly breathe. Could hardly see anything but the beauty of this.

His little thumb snaked its way into his mouth.

Fuck.

How many times had I dreamed of a picture like this? Frankie with my kid? Only in that fantasy, the child would be ours. We’d be married and have a family and this fucked-up plague wouldn’t stand the chance of following us. In that dream, those kids would never be put at risk and I’d live to an old age out on some porch in a rocking chair with Frankie at my side, watching our children grow.

A gush of sorrow swamped me.

Overwhelming.

Fact I’d probably never have a chance to watch this little boy become a man. That I might not get the chance to witness the amazing things he would become.

More terrifying was that I’d been so careless that he might be put in the same position, too. That I’d already cast his lot.

Condemned him to a life that I would never want him to have to live.

They were almost the exact same thoughts I’d had that night three years ago, when leaving had felt like the only option, the only thing I could do to make a fucked-up situation right.

I struggled around it, those thoughts that wanted to creep in and take me hostage.

A soft hand grazed my jaw, drawing me out of the spiral. My gaze drifted up to find Frankie watching me, like she’d witnessed every single thought that had run through my mind.

“Evan,” she murmured.

“Are you scared?” she asked.

TERRIFIED.

Terrified of the love that felt like too much.

“He’s so beautiful. He looks so healthy. So much like you.”

My head shook in disbelief. “Never thought I’d get to be a dad.”

A flash of longing swept through Frankie Leigh’s being at my admission. I hoped she would get it. Understand me on the level that she always had. “I shouldn’t be.”

“Evan—”

My head shook a little harder, cutting her off. “And I sure didn’t expect to be a single dad. Going this alone. Especially when I didn’t even know he existed.”

Tenderly, she ran her hand down his back. “You’re not alone, Evan. Look at everyone around you. Everyone who loves you. I . . . I can’t believe she didn’t tell you. That you found out this way.”

She kept rubbing his back.

A sweet, sweet consolation.

Like she wanted to wipe away Ashley’s stain. Make up for her deficit.

Emotion trembled through my body. “I love him so much, Frankie. I hardly know this child, and I’d give up everything for him.”

“Love for a child is instant.” I barely caught the words on her lips, felt them more than anything.

“Tell me about her,” she finally asked. The torment on her face was nothing but a flash.

Still, there was no missing it.

“Her name’s Ashley. She was just this girl at my apartment complex. She seemed cool. We started hanging out. She didn’t seem to care that I was different . . . liked it even.”

Frankie flinched at that.

TMI, apparently.

Exhaling, I roughed an agitated hand through my hair and forced myself to continue. “I was lonely . . . drinking a bunch at that time. Think she liked that, too. Kind of became a thing. We’d get trashed and hook up.”

Hurt slashed through the air.

The bitter stab of a dull, rusted blade.

Didn’t want to wound her. But I wasn’t about to lie to her, either. “It wasn’t like we were a couple or anything, so I didn’t really make a whole lot of it when she didn’t come around for a while. Finally stopped by her place and knocked at the door. Apartment was empty. All of her things gone.”

My eyes held Frankie’s, that space separating us charged, our voices held in whispers and secrets. “Didn’t hear from her again until she was banging on my door in the middle of the night last week.”

Frankie’s hands flowed with emphasis. I AM SO SORRY, EVAN. SO SORRY THAT SHE WOULD BE SO COLD TO LEAVE YOU OUT OF HIS LIFE. SO SORRY THAT SHE TOOK THAT TIME AWAY FROM YOU. BUT I AM SO GRATEFUL THAT SHE BROUGHT THIS BABY TO YOU.

Cinnamon eyes deepened. Love spilling free.

HE NEEDS YOU.

I sat up farther, angling her way when I signed. I’M TERRIFIED THAT SHE’S GOING TO GET IT TOGETHER AND COME BACK FOR HIM. TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME.

Intensity flared, this fierce, unrelenting force that radiated from Frankie. Her hand was on Everett’s back where he slept, her fingers splayed wide, a hedge of protection.

“She can’t do that.”

“She might try, but I will fight for him, Frankie. Whatever the hell is going down, I’ll fight for him.”