Ty was hoarse when he spoke. “What’s your point, Zane?”
“I think you put that person behind you because you hated him. Because it scared you.”
Ty swallowed hard and snorted.
“You’re not a coward, Ty. I know what it takes to scare you. And I think the thing you’re afraid of more than anything in the world is yourself. But when Richard Burns told you I was in trouble, you brought that man back out. For me.”
Ty stared at the ceiling, unwilling or unable to meet Zane’s eyes. He was holding his breath, and as Zane’s eyes adjusted to the dark, he could see Ty trembling.
“I’d still do it again,” Ty finally whispered.
Goose bumps rose all over Zane’s body. He wondered what it would be like to see the man Ty was so frightened of showing him. He could see Ty closing off, so he switched directions. “When did you learn to speak Russian?”
“I can’t.”
“Liam said something to you today. He spoke in Russian.”
Ty sighed. “I can understand it okay but I can’t speak it. I could never get the hang of it. He tried to teach me.”
“What did he say?”
Ty licked his lips, staring at the ceiling. “He told me there was no use in getting hurt in a fight for a man I’d lost.”
Zane pushed onto his elbow, his eyes raking over the shadows that made up Ty’s face. “He’s you, isn’t he?” A frown marred his features. “He’s what you were like ten years ago.”
Ty took a shaky breath. “Yes.”
“What changed you?”
“Richard Burns gave me a cause.” He closed his eyes and turned his head away.
Zane fell silent, trying to connect the new pieces of the man in front of him. Nick had said the only thing keeping Ty on the ground was a sense of purpose. A cause. Now that Burns had turned his back on him, what would happen to Ty when this was over? Would he spiral away? Zane remembered the piece of silver Ty had melted down for him, the anchor etched into it. Pain and fear flooded him, squeezing his chest.
The only thing he could make of it was that, tomorrow, Ty intended to risk a bullet to the chest for him. Zane wanted to shake him, to scream at him. As angry as he had been, as willing to walk away as he’d thought he was, the thought of never finding all these pieces to the puzzle, of losing Ty now, setting Ty adrift in that big sea of his mind, was terrifying.
Zane reached out, sliding his hand over Ty’s waist beneath the covers. Ty tensed under his fingers, but Zane scooted into the neutral territory of the bed anyway, wrapping his arm over Ty’s waist, pulling himself closer. He shoved his face against Ty’s cheek and inhaled deeply. Ty’s shoulder was rigid against him.
But then, Ty reached up for him. His fingers brushed through Zane’s hair. His hand was cool against Zane’s skin when he placed it on Zane’s ribs.
He pushed his forehead against Zane’s lips. Zane kissed his skin. “You’re still,” Zane whispered. “That means you’re expending so much energy worrying, your body doesn’t need to fidget.”
Ty laughed, but it was a hollow sound. “I love that you know that about me,” he said sadly. His fingers tightened against Zane’s back. “I don’t know how to make this better, Zane.”
Zane closed his eyes. He didn’t either. The words settled in the room like fog rolling in off the Mississippi. Zane’s mouth went dry. “It can’t be over,” he whispered. “Right? Not when neither of us want it to be.”
Ty lifted his head, and they lay facing each other in the dark.
“We’ve never made it simple,” Zane finally said.
Ty laid his hand on Zane’s cheek. “I swear to you, Zane. I thought what I was doing was right. I searched for you after I left New York. You were out of my reach. When Burns read me in, the only thing I could think of was that it was the only way of getting back to you. Being partnered with you full-time, being able . . . being able to see you every day, to have you in my life. When he said you might need protecting, it was the only thing I heard. I swear to you. All I wanted from the day I left you in that hospital was you. To be back there with you.”
Zane throat tightened. The sincerity in Ty’s eyes, the desperation in his voice, those weren’t things he could fake, were they? “Ty . . .”
“What do you need me to do? I’ll do it, Zane, whatever you need to save us.”
Zane swore before he captured Ty’s lips in a desperate kiss. When he pulled back, it was only barely, and their lips brushed as he said, “Goddamn you, Ty.” By the time he got the last word out, Ty was pulling him closer by the back of the neck to kiss him again. “Feel like I’ve been on a goddamn seesaw,” Zane growled, his fingers dragging over Ty’s skin.
“I’m sorry,” Ty breathed. His hand trailed along Zane’s hip, fingers sliding under his boxers. He pulled away from the kiss and pressed his face against Zane’s, sliding his nose against Zane’s cheek.
A shiver ran through Zane. Ty’s hands were warm against the goose bumps. Zane kissed him again, leaning back so Ty would have to roll on top of him to continue the kiss.
“You were worth it,” Ty murmured.
That jolt of intense arousal and connection made its way through Zane’s body. The effect Ty had on him was something he would never find anywhere else, he knew that much. He shivered again as Ty’s fingers brushed his skin.
Ty slid his hands under Zane’s shirt, pushing the material up. Zane sat to help him get the shirt off, wrapping his arms around Ty’s waist lifting his head for a kiss. Ty’s hands cupped his face. The kiss was gentle and tentative, so unlike what Zane was used to.
“You were right, you know,” Ty whispered.
“About what?”
Ty swallowed hard. “I sold my soul a long time ago.”
Ty gripped Zane’s shoulder and pressed him down, laying him out again, then stretched out over Zane, his hand dragging down Zane’s body to push at his boxers.
“Ty,” Zane gasped.
Ty kissed him. Zane trailed the tips of his fingers down Ty’s arm, sliding over the tattoo and the scars and the muscles.
“Do you really believe that?” Zane asked.
“I know it. I will never be the man you think I am.”
Zane’s breaths came harder. “We’ve both been trying so hard to be worthy of each other.”
Ty nodded and pressed another kiss to Zane’s lips, drawing it out, deepening it, putting some fire into it. He tossed Zane’s boxers over the edge of the bed as soon as Zane shimmied out of them, then rested his weight over Zane, propping on his elbows and sliding both hands into Zane’s hair. He dragged his body against Zane’s and Zane spread his legs around him, squeezing his ribs with his knees. He slid his hands up Ty’s back and hooked his arms under his, effectively latching onto him. Ty began to rock, his muscles twisting and bulging, the movement pushing their thickened cocks together.