Julianna shook her head. “I won’t let you do that.”
He drained his glass. “Let’s see you try and stop me.”
“Julianna?”
She jerked at Devlin’s voice and the memory vanished. She was back in Devlin’s den. The fire was warming her skin and he stood before her, offering her a glass of…red wine. Her lips felt numb as she said, “I don’t drink red wine.”
“Oh, sorry.” He put down the glass. “I can make you anything you want.”
She didn’t want to drink anything. She didn’t want to eat anything. She didn’t want to talk about how twisted and tangled everything was.
She wanted him. “Will you make love with me?”
He stilled.
Okay, right. Love had nothing to do with it. He didn’t love her and she didn’t know if she could ever love a man again. When you made such a colossal mistake in judgment once, how could you risk that pain again? “That wasn’t…” Julianna cleared her throat. “I want you.” There. That was good. Basic. Honest. “Do you want me?” Could it be simpler than that?
His hands were loose at his sides. “Baby, do you even need to ask?”
“I’m not looking for promises.” They should be clear on this. “I don’t want forever. I don’t want you to swear that you’ll always be mine.”
His eyelids flickered.
“I want tonight,” she said. “I want you. I want no regrets. I just want as much pleasure as we can handle.”
His gaze held hers. “And everything else? Your sister? The charge against you? Your stalker?”
She hated to think about all of that. “My sister is in New York. She’s safe. The murder charge against me is going to be taken care of—I’ve got the best lawyer in the business.” A lawyer that Ethan had recommended to her. “As for my stalker, she’s locked up.” She still couldn’t believe it had been Heather. Heather had hated her enough to take a shot at her? “So I don’t have to be scared anymore. I can relax and be with you.”
He wasn’t taking her into his arms and giving her one of those awesome-devastating kisses of his. He was just staring at her, his eyes glittering, and she realized that desire might not be enough. Not for Devlin. “You don’t trust me,” Julianna whispered.
His head inclined. “You do like your secrets, don’t you?”
“I told you the truth.”
“After you ditched me so that you could run to Ethan.” Now he moved toward her, a slow glide that made her tense. “So before we do anything, we need to get a few things straight.”
Her breath came a little faster. “Maybe this was a mistake. You don’t want me so—”
His hand slid around the curve of her shoulder. “I want you. More than I’ve ever wanted another woman. I look at you, and I ache. I look at you, and I want to be in you.”
Okay...
“That’s the first thing we need to get straight.”
With an effort, she swallowed the lump in her throat. “I want you…so much that it should scare me.” Because she hadn’t planned to give herself to another lover, not so completely, not with the wild abandon she’d had with him…in that terrible house.
“Are you afraid of me?” His voice was rough, but his gaze seemed worried as it swept over her.
She didn’t answer, not at first, because it wasn’t an easy yes or no question. How did you trust a man when you’d seen how much violence another could deliver? Were you just supposed to put that fear away and act like nothing had ever happened? She couldn’t do that. “Yes, I’m afraid.”
He stepped back. His hand slid from her.
She lunged forward and grabbed his hand. “I’m afraid of the way I feel about you. I’m afraid that I feel too much, far too soon, with you.” And she’d thought that she’d gotten caught up with Jeremy too soon…the attraction she felt for Devlin was nothing like what she’d felt for her dead husband. “I’m afraid because…” She would be brutally honest here. “Because we’ve just met and I’m already in too deep with you. Your past is violent, your job is violent, and I don’t want to ever be anyone’s victim again.” I won’t be. She’d do whatever was necessary to protect herself.
Even kill.
A muscle jerked in his jaw. “I swear, I will never hurt you.”
She wanted to believe him. She’d also wanted to believe that Jeremy couldn’t have actually hit her or broken her wrist or—
“I am not him,” Devlin said with cold fury, but his fury didn’t seem to be directed at her. “I am not like that bastard, and I never will be. I would sooner cut off my own damn hand than ever lift it against you or any woman.”
She was holding his hand. A strong hand, tanned. A hand that could form a powerful fist. A hand that had caressed her so carefully.
“I have rules, Julianna. My rules. I never hurt anyone weaker than me. I think the worst kind of bastard in the world…that’s a bastard who hurts a woman or a child. A man doesn’t do that shit. Not a real man.”
Her mouth had gone dry. She swallowed again, quickly.
“You said you’re not looking for promises,” he added, his voice still holding that gruff edge of anger. “Too bad, baby. Too bad. Because I’m about to give you one.”
She shook her head. “Dev…”
“I promise, I will never hurt you. I will never raise my hand against you, and if anyone else does…if anyone ever so much as puts a faint bruise on your skin, I will make the sonofabitch pay.”
She couldn’t look away from the brilliance of his eyes.
He cleared his throat. “Now, I’m not perfect. Ethan was right about me. My parents…they were criminals. Killers. The cops took them out in a blaze of glory—my parents were high on drugs and it took a storm of bullets to stop them. I think I was six at the time.”
Her heart ached for him.
“I don’t remember them much, and maybe that’s a good thing because I don’t want to be like them. When I bounced around the foster homes, the story about my past would follow me. I’d hear the whispers. I’d hear the social workers saying that I should be ‘watched’ more because of my past.”
The ache in her heart was getting worse.
“Most people thought I was trash. I got that. But then one day, I met my brothers.”
Her brows lifted. He had brothers? But—
“Chance Valentine and Lex Jensen. We wound up in the same group home at the right time. They looked at me, and they didn’t see the past that hung over me like a dark cloud. They saw me.” His shoulders rolled back in a hard shrug. “And I saw them.”
Brothers.
“We moved around after that, but the bond stayed. I knew they’d always have my back, just as I had theirs.”
So maybe he could understand how desperate she’d been to protect her step-sister. Family wasn’t always about blood.
“I’m not perfect,” Devlin said again. “But you can count on me, Julianna. I won’t lie to you. I won’t deceive you. And when you need me, I’ll be there for you. No matter what.”
Her lips lifted in a smile she couldn’t control. “You really are one of the good guys, aren’t you?”
“Don’t let that get around.” He didn’t smile back at her. But his hand turned and locked with hers. “So the choice is back to you. Knowing everything now…do you still want to be with me?”
Julianna nodded. “Even more.” Did he have any clue just how sexy he was? Sex appeal wasn’t always in a man’s looks or the hard lines of his body—though Devlin was pretty hot that way. No, sex appeal came from just who the man was…and how he treated a woman.
She pushed up onto her toes as he bent toward her. Julianna’s mouth skimmed over his in the lightest of kisses. “There aren’t any stairs here,” she told him and she nipped his lower lip. “So what are we going to use?”
He laughed softly and Julianna realized that she quite enjoyed that delicious, rough rumble. “I have a king-sized bed we can use.”
“That sounds—” Her words ended in a surprised ye
lp because he’d just picked her up in his arms and he was carrying her down the hallway to his bedroom. He held her easily, as if she didn’t weigh anything at all, and she realized just how strong he truly was. For a moment, her heart stuttered and her nails dug into his arms.
He froze. “Julianna?”
The breath she sucked in felt cold.
This is Devlin. Jeremy is gone. He can’t hurt me anymore.
She pulled her nails out of his skin. She made herself smile at him.
His lips found hers and he kissed her, using such tender care. “You have my promise,” he told her.
This is Devlin.
When he pulled back, her smile was real. He strode down the hallway with her cradled in his arms. They entered the bedroom, and it was dark, so very dark, with only faint moonlight drifting through his blinds. But Devlin didn’t seem to have trouble navigating. He moved easily through that room and slowly lowered her onto the bed. She expected him to follow her down. He didn’t. Devlin eased back, and she heard the rustle of his clothing.
Julianna pushed up on her elbows. Her eyes strained to see him in the darkness. He was a big, hulking shadow—a shadow that was stripping quickly, judging by the sounds she heard. That was a nice change, considering that he’d pretty much been fully clothed the last time they were together.
His shadowy form stepped toward the bed. She sat up fully then, reaching for him. Her hands touched warm skin—then moved along what sure felt like an incredible six pack. Her mouth followed her hands. Kissing lightly.
He sucked in a sharp breath. “Julie…”
She nipped him.
“Fuck, baby, I am trying to hold on to my control.”
She started kissing a path that would take her lower. “Why? Who asked for control? I like it when pleasure makes us both go wild.” And she went a bit lower. Her hand touched his cock, a fully erect cock that sprang toward her. Wide and full. She stroked his length, moving from base to head, again and again. He growled and she loved that sound.
Julianna bent forward and put her mouth on him. Her lips closed over the head of his cock and she licked him, sliding her tongue over the sensitive skin before she took him in a little deeper.
His hands curled around her shoulders. He didn’t push her back. Didn’t shove her forward. He just held her. “You’re driving me crazy.”
No, not yet, she wasn’t. He should give her more time.
She licked again. Sucked. Julianna savored him with her mouth and tongue. He swore but he still didn’t move. He was letting her explore him. Letting her have all of the power, and she got a heady surge from that control. The big strong guy, at her command. Shuddering, for her. He was—