I laugh. “I was real. Abby was real.” I think back to what I must’ve looked like that night with my black hair and bloodred lips. “That was not my best stage of life.”
He shrugs. “I thought she was pretty bangin’.”
“Did you?” I prod.
“Almost as hot as she is now.” He squeezes my hand before letting it go. “I should hate you,” he says.
“Why?”
“Because before you came to town, I had my balls. Now, I’m talking about my feelings, giving a fuck about how you feel, and I haven’t gotten laid. At all. I don’t even know me anymore.”
I bump him with my shoulder. “Yeah, but you’re the new and improved Penn Etling now.”
“I was pretty damn perfect before.”
“You’re welcome to go back to it,” I tell him. Even as the words slip by my lips, I inwardly cringe.
He might take me up on it. I might die if he does.
He bites his lip and looks at the ceiling like he’s considering it. The longer he goes, the more worried about it I become.
“Nah,” he says. “It was getting pretty tiresome to be me with my phone ringing all the time and the girls just all over my cock. I needed a break from it.”
“Oh, geez.”
He shrugs. We sit quietly for a while, the only sound coming from Harper’s television show.
As I study his handsome face, I realize that this is the realest I’ve ever been with another person. The vulnerability I feel exceeds anything else at the moment. There’s no shield, no plan to prevent myself from getting hurt by Penn. There’s only trust that he wouldn’t do anything to wound me.
It’s a revelation that sparks something inside me. I’ve given my time and energy to men who didn’t try half as much as Penn. And even though I want more, and I do, maybe something could work out between us.
Just as I’m trying to formulate how to start a conversation to see how he feels, he stands up.
“Come on,” he says abruptly.
“Come on, what?”
He snorts. “Can you please think about what you say before you say it?”
Come on what. I hit him.
“Where are we going?” I say politely.
He grins. “We’re taking a road trip.”
“And where are we taking a road trip to?”
“Why do you ask so many questions?” he asks. “Just put some shoes on, or don’t, and let’s go.”
I put my hands on my hips. “And why should I trust you?”
“It’s a little late for that. We’re on the ‘talking about feelings’ level. There should be some trust there. But if you ever bring this up in public, I’ll deny it like a motherfucker.”
I can’t hide my laughter. “Deal. Now, back to where we are going: Can I wear what I have on?” I ask.
“Do you think I care what you wear?” He holds out his hands. “I mean, if I had my choice, you’d wear nothing, but I’m going out on a limb and guessing you won’t go for that.”
The smile he gives me dissolves me on the spot.
He’s back.
“Fine. Let’s go,” I say.
He wraps his arm around my shoulders and leans his head against mine. I think he might kiss the top of my head, but I’m not sure.
What I am sure of is that this was way easier getting into than it will be getting out of.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
AVERY
Oh, wow.” The words escape my lips before I even realize I’m saying them.
The sight before me, even without Penn in it, is spectacular. The deep-blue waters of Dogwood Lake ripple in the fading sunlight.
Everything feels amplified out here. The greens are more vivid, the birds happier, and the air a little sweeter than anywhere I’ve ever been. It’s just like I remembered but . . . more.
“What do you think?” Penn asks. He holds his hands out to his sides like he’s showing off the little area nestled out into the middle of the forest. “Ring a bell?”
“Of course it does.”
I turn in a circle. The tree canopy overhead is thick and lush. The large oak tree we lay under that night is still there, minus the ants. I laugh.
“What?” he asks.
I point at the tree. “Do you remember the ants?”
“Fuck yes,” he admits. “I came out here with a can of ant killer the next day. That’s against my usual code of conduct, but I had welts everywhere for two weeks.”
“Those were fun to explain to my mom.”
He laughs. “I bet. What did you say? That a stud you met in the woods fucked you on a . . . what was it? A jacket?”
“That’s not what I said, and yes, it was a jacket.”
I walk to the water’s edge and gaze across the lake. It’s so peaceful with just the occasional fish or bird breaking the surface. On the other side is a giant hill that’s covered in trees and looks like it reaches the sky.