I shrug, my stomach knotting tight. I have half a notion to tackle Matt for doing this.
“I don’t know. We decided to not put a label on it, didn’t we?”
Avery’s gaze cools as she turns it back to Matt. “We’re friends.”
“Interesting.” Matt raises his brows. “Guess I didn’t understand the definition of ‘friends,’ but there are lots of things I don’t know. As long as you two have it figured out . . .”
Meredith calls for Avery, who gives me a tight look, one that leaves me a bit rattled, and heads toward the boss lady.
Once she’s gone, Matt sighs.
“What?” I ask.
“Do you know what you’re doing?”
“Always.”
“No, really. I’m asking you a serious question.”
“Yes, Matt. I know what I’m doing.” I glance at the plans in front of him. “Why? What has your panties in a bind?”
He puts his hand in the middle of the plans so I have to look up at him.
“What?” I ask. “Stop being a dick.”
“I’m trying to help you here.”
“Help me with what?”
He shakes his head. “Didn’t you just see any of that? Your little game of being friends with Avery is getting old.”
“It’s not a game,” I counter.
“Then whatever it is. The words you use. The denial. Penn, she wants you to . . . you know, be proud she’s with you. Stake a claim to her. Say she’s your girlfriend.”
My stomach twists around. I think he’s serious, but I don’t know if he’s right this time. Avery gets what’s happening here. We’re getting to know each other. Having fun. Whatever it is, it’s working, and Avery understands.
Doesn’t she?
He shakes his head like he’s not done sorting through something. After a few seconds, he seems to give up. “Come hold this. It’s hard to keep it straight and hammer it at the same time.”
We get to work on the final frame, trading off hammering and holding. The joint effort makes it go quickly, and the repetitive motions let me think.
I’m trying so hard to walk some kind of line. To treat her the best I know how without making her think I have it figured out. Because I don’t.
If the world were perfect, I’d scoop her up in a heartbeat. But it’s not—it’s far from it. And the last thing I want in my life is to fuck up someone else.
She deserves the guy she thinks I am—or the one she hopes I am. Because I’m not that guy. I couldn’t be if I wanted to, and when people realize I’m not who they think I am, things turn to shit.
I don’t want to see that revelation in her eyes. Ever.
“I think that’s it,” Matt says.
We both look up as Avery, Meredith, and Jake come in through the side door. They’re chatting back and forth like old friends.
Matt claps my shoulder. “They’re just talking.”
“I know.” I clear my throat as I watch them. “Am I supposed to be jealous?”
“Jealous of what? Your friend?” He moves on to another frame. “This is the kind of thing I was talking about, Penn.”
Meredith takes a call and scoots outside. I just stand there and watch Avery chitchat with Jake and not even look at me.
Is Matt right? Does Avery want to be mine? Do I think she’s mine? It certainly feels like it right now.
Too many emotions misfire inside me to think straight. My blood runs hot and cold at the same time. Matt’s words echo in my head as I think back to the chilly look she shot me before she walked over there.
The bubble building inside me is borderline frantic. Seeing her with Jake after the weirdness a minute ago is freaking me out.
Fuck.
Can I be more for her? Do I have it in me? Or should I let her go be with a guy like Jake who understands how to do things like this?
That thought takes the heat in my blood to a terrifying level.
Her laugh is light as they move closer. “Oh, I know. Trust me,” she says. “This has been a little culture shock for sure.”
“The first time I came down here from Nashville, I pretty much hated it. It was just because I didn’t understand it. Now I find myself spending more and more time down here,” Jake says. “You just don’t realize how busy the city life is until you spend a weekend here.”
“That’s so true,” she says. “I’ll be sitting around at night these days and realize I’d still have another hour in traffic in LA.”
My stomach churns harder the longer their conversation wears on. It’s like a glimpse into the future if I don’t do something.
“I could totally see myself settling down here,” Jake says.
“Me too. I mean, I hope I do,” Avery gushes. “It’s so easy to imagine getting married in one of these Tennessee barns, having babies here, going to potlucks.”