I wanted to find out.
Collapsing back on the bed, I pressed my swollen clit in search for some sort of relief, but my trembling fingers seemed ineffective and hopeless. Maybe I needed something more. For the first time I started to wonder why I had never thought of buying any toys.
Nichole didn’t have any either, and I wondered how uneventful both of our sex lives had been thus far, to not even having considered owning one. As I slipped my fingers into myself once again, I knew the answer to the question. We were both sexual innocents. I had most definitely never felt anything like this before and I was certain I could speak for her too.
I’d heard it was more the person than the act, but I ‘d never understood it until today. I didn’t even know his name, so what was it about Bone that made a good fuck the only way I could fall asleep tonight?
I wished more than anything I had at least taken his phone number. I swore the next time I laid eyes on him, if I ever laid eyes on him again, that was the first thing I would ask of him. It didn’t matter what he would think of me. My pride had no say whatsoever in this regard. After all, by now, he must think I was the biggest slut in town. Turning, I pounded my hand into my pillow and screamed soundlessly into it.
I froze when the door to my room creaked open.
I thought Nichole had heard me and come into my room, but when I didn’t hear much of a sound, I lifted my head and saw my beautiful baby at the door, sucking on her thumb as she cradled her favorite stuffed animal in her other hand.
I immediately sat up, alarmed. “Jess,” I called, holding out my hand to her.
She came over to me and I lifted her into my arms and onto my lap. “Are you all right?”
She buried her face in my neck silently.
This soft gentle act immediately calmed me. “Did you have a nightmare?” I asked.
When she didn’t respond, I laid with her on my bed and snuggled up to her warm soft body. “Go to sleep and we’ll water the wild flowers tomorrow, okay?”
That always worked. She gave a small nod.
I stroked her hair and slowly, she brought sanity back to me. I almost felt a bit of shame at the thoughts and the state I had been in before she came into the room. She was just the balm I need to calm the storm Bones had stirred up inside me. I listened to the gentle rise and fall of her breathing until I joined her in peaceful slumber.
I had snoozed the alarm clock twice and consequently was running late for my shift at the diner.
Nichole had left early, Jess had crept out of bed and was quietly playing with her toys in her room, so the house was quiet as I jumped out of bed in a panic. I quickly cleaned Jess and myself up, put on the nearest clothes we could find, poured some cereal down her throat, and was out of the house as swiftly as I could manage.
Not before I saw the message Nichole had left propped up on the kitchen counter.
Need to talk to you tonight.
Other than the three times we had to stop, so Jess could lovingly water the wild weeds growing between the sidewalks, we made good time and we arrived at her daycare on time. I couldn’t just drop her off like other parents though, I had to linger while Jess clasped my hand and didn’t let go with the usual fright in her eyes at being away from me for such an extended period of time. Her teacher had said once it was probably just her mirroring the concern always boiling in the pit of my stomach. I always felt terrified she would be bullied by the other children. She never was. The other children were extra gentle with her.
Eventually, I had to run and leave her to face the big bad world on her own.
I arrived to work almost fifteen minutes late, but luckily the owner, Sandy was also nowhere to be found. Sighing in relief, I got to work and tried to settle into the flow of the day. My heart however, kept jumping every time the bell dinged with the arrival of a new customer.
Then came the disappointment that it was not whom I hoped it would be. It turned my mood darker and darker with each passing hour.
He is not meant to be in your life, I reminded myself.
My head fully understood and accepted this fact, but my heart was deaf. I became jumpy and irritable, and by the time lunch break came around, I was more than ready to take the quick rest.