He turned and looked at me. Something in his expression made my heart bleed. I wanted to go to him, but I was afraid he would reject me. My greatest concern was that he would confront me and ask for the new key to his door that his friends had allowed me to hold onto.
He said nothing, just stared at me.
I stood there awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other. It seemed impossible to think that we were lovers. To think how wild we became when our skin touched. I hugged myself. “I should go. I don’t want to be late again. I’ll be back tomorrow with more food.”
“Goodnight, Della,” he said softly.
“Goodnight to you too,” I said, backing out of the room.
Della Ray
For the rest of the night, not a single real smile could I rustle up. I handled my usual duties, but for the first time, I felt truly dissatisfied. I had never really thought of anything beyond my current engagements, my constant and immediate need to get through the work I needed to do to ensure my paycheck at the end of each week.
That paycheck would go towards what Jess and I would need, her medical bills and our living expenses. We were always in debt … we were always lacking, but I had truly never felt dissatisfied until today. I felt tired and used up. When was the wanting going to stop?
When I got a moment’s break from serving, I tossed my tray to a nearby table, then sat down and glanced around the room I had spent most of my nights in over the last three years. I was wasting my life, but there was nothing I could do about it really. And soon I would have the worry of Denise trying to put Jess in an orphanage. I sighed with despair.
Henry was passing by at that moment and I guess he noted the darkness on my face. He pulled out the chair in front of me and sat. “Hey, hey, what’s going on?” he asked.
I didn’t even want to speak. I just slightly stretched my lips into a passable smile.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
Where to start telling him about the mess of my life. “What’s right?”
He sucked in air through his teeth. “Is it serious?”
I was never one to complain. It solved nothing. I straightened my spine. “Don’t mind me. I’m just sulking. It’s just today. I’ll be as right as rain tomorrow.”
“One of those days then, huh?” He smiled.
I nodded.
“You know what I told you about not pulling your weight around here?”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Hang on. Hang on. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have said that. You are one of the best workers we have here. When you’re slacking off is the only time when one of us can rival you.”
Suddenly, I felt all emotional. At least someone appreciated me.
He knew I was fighting back the tears so he turned away to gaze at the fairly busy bar, his hands linked together behind his shaved head.
Time to change the subject or I would start balling my eyes out. “Do you have any plans?” I asked. I’d never given his life outside the bar any thought. “Beyond this bar? You’ve been working here even longer than I have.”
He glanced back at me. “Of course. I’ve been saving for a bit to open a mechanic workshop. I spend my days fixing up cars, then hop over here for the night. You do the same don’t you, with the diner?”
“Yeah,” I replied. “But I’m definitely not saving towards anything.”
“Well, you can’t do that too easily.” His voice softened. “You have your niece to take care of. Her bills must be very expensive. Are you feeling burdened?”
“Never!”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I don’t know,” I lied. “I used to always feel satisfied, but not so much now. Maybe it’s just tonight.”
He peered into my eyes. “Did something new happen?”
“Not really.”
“Hmm … that means that something did and whether good or bad it means that you need a change. Even if it’s of jobs and goals. Don’t ignore it.” With two taps on the table, he rose and went back to work.
I did the same, with his words echoing in my head. There was nothing new about what he had said, but I could feel my resistance to keeping the past as it was ? beginning to melt. For the first time in a very long time ? I wanted more.
Gage
I was seated in front of the television, a soft plaid blanket that Della had brought, over my jeans when a strong knock sounded at the door.
“Bone!”
I’d been expecting trouble and in a way, it was good to finally meet it head on. I rolled the wheelchair over to the door, turned the lock, and pulled it open.
Tyler, Rose, and Volt stood in the corridor.