“Yes.” Part of his program was to tell the truth. He glanced over at Carla, who had a raised brow, before looking at Taylor. He couldn’t say anything, not yet.
Even though he knew he should tell someone he was talking to his dead ex-girlfriend, he just couldn’t bring himself to … let her go.
What if they made him take something, or wanted him to talk about his feelings? It was hard enough talking about them now with Carla, let alone a complete stranger.
“Are you okay?” Taylor asked.
“Of course he’s not okay. Look at him. He’s in a rehab center because his life is falling apart and it’s all his fault.” Carla smiled at him.
The Carla he remembered wouldn’t have been such a fucking bitch to him. She’d have cut him some slack.
“The Carla you knew is not the one you see today. We’ve gone over this already. You and I both know, I’m you. This here is all you. The only way you can deal with the truth is because it’s me telling you and not you.”
He was going crazy.
This wasn’t normal and it wasn’t right for him, but for the first time in his life, he didn’t feel alone. Even if he was seeing Carla.
“I’m going to stick to the program. I’m not going to stop. I won’t let you down.” He looked at each of his friends in turn before looking at Taylor.
The guilt hit him again as she offered him a smile.
“How is the … erm, pregnancy?”
She put a hand to her stomach. “Fine so far. I’m always sick, but I hear that’s normal.”
“I read about it, and yes, it’s quite normal.”
“When did you read about it?” she asked, with a laugh.
“Carla,” he said. “Before she was killed, I had some time to read on it.” He stood up. “I need to get back to my room. I’ve got lots to do.”
“You have a busy schedule here?”
“Yes, and now I really need to get back to it. Lots to do. People to see. Rules to follow.” He held his hand out to Axton. “Thank you.”
“I bet that one hurt you.”
“I appreciate you bringing me down here.”
“You’re like a brother to me, Easton. No matter what, we’ve got your back.”
He shook Karson and Romeo’s hands, and turned to Taylor. “I’m going to head back.”
Taylor gave him a hug. “She’d be so proud of you.”
He tensed up.
“He doesn’t care what I’d think.”
“I’ve got to go.” Regardless of how leaving made him look, he rushed from the room, only stopping when he’d closed his own door and collapsed against it.
“Well, I thought that went rather well.”
“I shouldn’t be seeing you.” He turned toward Carla, who was now sitting on his bed. “Anyone else, I’d tell them to get their brains tested.”
“True. You’re a drunk, a potential addict, a loser in the making. Yeah, add weirdo to the mix. No one would need a reason to throw you in a cell and toss the key away.”
He walked to the bed and collapsed down on it, where Carla was. Seeing as she wasn’t there, he settled himself more comfortably on the bed.
“You know, we could talk about her. You rarely allow yourself the chance to think about her,” Carla said.
“I’m not talking about anything. I just want to sleep.”
“That’s up to you, but you know I’m here.”
He rolled over, staring up at his ceiling. The color white was so off-putting to him. He didn’t like it. Wrinkling his nose, he glanced over to Carla. She was now lying on her back, her hands on her stomach. This was how she would lie when they were younger. When he was younger as she was still the same age.
“I really liked her, which surprised me. I didn’t even intend to find anyone else. I just wanted to have a break. You know, take the time to forget about you, and everything that had happened. It was Axton’s idea for me to get away, to detach from it all. So I took the chance. It was a camp of some kind. I was only there for three weeks. Not long enough to make an impression of any kind, but long enough that I’ve not stopped thinking about her. I went back there a year later, but there were no signs of her. It was like she’d vanished without a trace.”
“Why didn’t you look for her? She gave you her name.”
“No, she gave me one name. One name that could have thousands of possible names, and at the time my dad was breathing down my neck. I couldn’t go anywhere without him waiting for me to fuck up. So, I gave her up. The three weeks we had, I’ve cherished.” He rubbed at his temples, feeling the beginning of a headache.
“This is the first time you’ve spoken about her?”