Tumble (Dogwood Lane 1)

Mia tosses the blankets back and sits up. “Yes, if they’re important.”

“Lie back down,” I tell her. Chuckling, I help her get situated again. Once she’s under the covers, she waits patiently. I try to outwait her, but I know she’ll win. With a sigh, I shake my head. “Fine. I knew Neely really well. At one point in my life, I thought I’d marry her.”

The words slip easily by my lips. They sound right and that annoys me.

“Why didn’t you? She’s really pretty, Dad. And smart, like you said. And she’s so nice.”

“She’s all those things, rascal.”

My gaze settles on a picture of Mia and Katie, the only one we have. Mia is all bundled up in pink blankets the day we brought her home. It sits on top of her dresser in a little black frame. I never catch her looking at it, and she never moves it but insists it stays.

My heart cracks because that love, a mother’s love, is one I don’t think Mia will ever know. I’m not sure Katie has it in her to give that kind of affection. We never shared it in the ten months we were together, roughly speaking. And she didn’t show it to our daughter in the month she stuck around after she gave birth.

My only solace in it all is that Katie knew enough to just leave. She packed her car, told me we were better off without her, that she had no inclination to be a mother, and left. My mother couldn’t do that; she drank herself to death right in front of us.

“So . . .” Mia nudges my arm. “Why didn’t you marry her?”

Because I broke up with her so she’d go to college. Got drunk. Got Katie pregnant. And never spoke to Neely again after telling her the news.

“There’s more to getting married than finding a pretty, smart, nice person,” I say. Standing up, I tuck the sheets in around her.

“I bet she would’ve married you.”

I act like I’m shocked. “Are you saying I’m awesome?”

“No.” She giggles. “I’m saying when you walked into the gym today, she made that face at you that Penn makes at Haley.”

“Mia, Penn makes that face at everyone.” I flip on her nightlight. “And if Penn ever does anything, you should do the opposite. Big lesson right there. Did I land it?”

“As good as I landed my tuck.”

“Great.” I kneel at the edge of her bed. She closes her eyes and folds her hands together in front of her face. “Dear God, thank you for all the blessings you’ve given us. Please protect us while we sleep. Amen.”

“Amen.” Her lashes flutter open as she yawns. “I love you, Dad.”

“Love you, rascal.” After a kiss to her forehead, I flip off the lamp and head to the door. “Don’t even think about using the flashlight under your pillow to read after I leave.”

“Dad,” she groans. “How’d you know?”

“Because I know everything,” I whisper. “And if I pick up your bag off the floor again, you’re taking out the trash. Understood?”

“Yes,” she grumbles. “Good night.”

“’Night, baby girl.”

I make my way back into the kitchen. Fishing around in the refrigerator, I find a beer, and then I slip out the back door.

The sky is dark, the moon bright overhead and illuminating the good-size backyard. I plop on the swing and take a sip of the beer that’s probably expired.

My heart is heavy as I push back and forth in the warm night air. From the corner of my eye, I see a flashlight on in Mia’s room and laugh. She never listens. Dad says she gets it from me. I say she gets it from Matt.

She used to come up with new quirks—a way of saying a certain word or a new part in her hair—and tell me she got it from her mother. Then when Sara, a woman I really liked and saw a potential future with, moved in after our dating for a year, Mia latched on to her like a leech. And when six months went by and she left us, too, saying she wasn’t prepared to raise someone else’s child, Mia was broken.

I won’t let that happen again. I won’t fail her a third time.

I take another sip of the beer and free my mind to roam. It does the typical inventory list for work and runs through anything I might need to leave for Haley in the morning. And then it goes somewhere I usually don’t let it: to Neely.

Resting back in the swing, a baby doll lying beside me, I imagine what life might’ve been like with her. Everything I said about her tonight is true. I’m not surprised Mia thinks the world of her. What I am surprised about is, despite her hateful words to me at Mucker’s, I still think the world of her. How could I not? I’m the one to blame for things not working out between us.