“I, um, I think that’s great.” He clears his throat. He leans away, looking over my head in a blank stare. “Anybody would be lucky to have you around.”
“Thanks.” The word is a whisper. Anything more would be impossible around the lump in my throat. “I appreciate that, Mach.”
We exchange a soft smile before he releases the doorframe.
“You going to Cross’s?” he asks.
“Later,” I say, starting the engine.
I don’t want to leave on a sweet note that I’ll think about all night. I’ll have a hard enough time sleeping the way it is.
“Later?” he asks, furrowing his brow. “Where are you going now?”
“Who knows?” He glares as I reach for the door. “Probably to get a drink first.”
“Don’t fuck with me, Hadley.”
I yank on the door but stop it before it shuts all the way. “Don’t fuck with me, Machlan.”
He steps away as the engine roars to life. There’s no doubt he’s annoyed, but he’s amused too.
As I pull away, I’m annoyed at his incessant need to take over when I’m around. But I’m a little amused too.
All his behavior stems from a really good place. It’s not that hard to remember that. Despite our problems and miscommunications and all of that, he’s always been one thing: loyal.
Whether I wanted to or not, I could call him for anything. Maybe it wouldn’t be the best idea, but he would do anything for me.
Everything but one thing.
The one thing that matters more than them all.
Four
Hadley
“Kallie, let me help you.” I start to push back my chair before my brother’s girlfriend waves me off.
“Don’t you even think about it. Sit. Relax.” The dishwasher swings shut with a bang. “I’m going to jump in the shower and leave you two alone for a bit.”
She walks by the table where Cross and I are sitting and stops briefly to press a kiss to the top of his head. He gazes up at her with a soft smile and watches until she rounds the corner.
Settling back in my chair, my stomach full of Kallie’s meatloaf and mashed potatoes, I watch my older brother. I never thought I’d see him like this—content and happy in a way that seems to come from the purest, sweetest spot. I study him, wondering what a look like that feels like on the inside.
He lifts a glass of ice water but doesn’t bring it to his lips. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“That look is not nothing.”
I sigh and pick at the hemline of my shirt, hoping Kallie comes back in and needs Cross for some random task. Anything to get me out of this topic.
It’s funny in a not-so-funny way that Cross settled down before me. On one hand, he was the wild one between the two of us. When I came to live with him and Dad after our mother died, I couldn’t believe how much he got away with. Late nights. Less-than-stellar grades. A best friend who oozed trouble. On the other, I was the good girl. The book nerd. The one who beat curfew by five minutes. All indications pointed to me having my life in order way before my brother. Yet here we are in Cross and Kallie’s house while my life is a disaster.
I’ve spent way too many years pushing in the wrong directions. It wasn’t until my ex-boyfriend, Samuel, brought up marriage a couple of times that I realized how much trouble I was in.
I hated my job. I loathed my apartment. And I didn’t love the man I’d spent almost a year with.
What kind of life is that?
When I saw a website on his computer about wedding proposals, all I could see was the next sixty years of my life that I didn’t want. And when I tried to envision the life I did, it kept coming back to one thing. One man. Machlan.
“I was thinking about how happy you are,” I say. “I haven’t seen you this way in a long time, Cross. Maybe ever.”
He sets the glass down. The ice cubes clink together as the water swishes around. “You know, that’s true. When I was with Kallie before, I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t in a place to appreciate being in this place. If that makes any sense.”
“Kind of.”
“I’m kind of glad things didn’t work out with us until now. It wouldn’t have been as good then.”
“You were kids.”
“We were kids.” He parts his lips as though he’s about to say something else but doesn’t. His head cocks to the side.
I have the distinct feeling this conversation is segueing to a topic I’m not ready to talk about yet.
I glance at the ceiling and study the little swirls that take the place of the popcorn that was there the last time I was here.
“New ceilings?” I ask.
“How did you notice that?”
“Well, if you remember, the last time I was here, Machlan stopped by and a piece of the popcorn fell into his drink …”