But she should.
I want her to. When she does, I feel like I’m ten-fucking-feet tall even if her expectations are impossible.
Damn it.
I drag the keys out of my pocket. “You ready to go?”
“Yup.”
We head toward the door. Navie takes her time, fishing her keys out of her purse. I try to walk faster in hopes it speeds her up, but it doesn’t.
“You have big plans for the rest of the night?” she asks.
“It’s two in the morning. I’m pretty sure tonight is over.”
“True enough.”
We step into the darkness and find the air a good ten degrees cooler than it was earlier in the day. Navie shivers in her sweatshirt as I lock the door. Once it’s secure, I walk her to the little blue car next to the train tracks.
As soon as I can see the back door, my attention is there. The light is off. Hadley’s car is parked by the dumpster. Everything looks normal, only I know it’s not.
She’s up there. And I’m not.
Climbing in the driver’s side, Navie starts the engine and flips on the heater. “Hadley’s in the apartment, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“You should check on her,” she says softly. “I get it—the stuff between you two isn’t easy. But it never is.”
Still looking at the apartment, I sigh. “I think it’s a little harder for us than most.”
“Then you should work extra hard to make it a thing.”
“Huh?” I ask, turning around.
“If it’s that hard and you’re still in it, then it might be worth the extra fight.” She closes the door but rolls down the window. The fog on the windshield clears slowly, the sound of the air blowing on it comforting. “If a guy ever looks at me the way you do her, I hope someone is smart enough to tell him to find me.”
This I can work with.
Gripping the door frame, I choose my words carefully. “But what if he was a clusterfuck of a guy? Wouldn’t he be better off staying the hell away from you?”
“No.” Her laugh is simple, as if this should be obvious. “I’m a giant clusterfuck myself. Sure, it looks like I have it all together, right? I mean, I’m working two jobs. I’m well-adjusted, have great parents, and take my birth control regularly. I don’t smoke, have perfectly straight teeth, and I can balance a spoon on my nose.”
“What?”
“Anyway,” she says, “the point is those are my statistics. The ‘good column’, if you will. People don’t see my ‘bad column’ as easy, but we all have one.”
“I’m still stuck on the spoon thing.”
She looks at the ceiling and sighs. “Look, Machlan, Hadley is a smart girl. She really likes you. And I don’t know what happened between you when you—wait, yes I do.” She shakes her head. “You have a stain on your shirt that I’ve seen before after a quickie …”
I look down at the tail of my black T-shirt as Navie makes a face. Sure enough, she’s right.
“I don’t think anyone else noticed. I just notice things. Anyway, after that,” she says, pointing at my shirt, “she’s probably lying up there right now wondering what’s up. Like, did you just one-and-done her? Are you going to call? Do you care? What did that mean?”
What did that mean?
My throat squeezes, and I fight the urge to look at the apartment again. Every cell in my body draws backward to Hadley, and I grip the doorframe harder so I don’t turn around and run to her like a pussy.
My fingertips strum the roof of the car. “I should stay away. Let her think.”
“Yeah, if you wanna be a dick.”
“Navie …”
“Sorry. The truth hurts.” She shrugs. “If you wanna tell yourself you’re letting her think, fine by me. It doesn’t affect me. But if you do give a shit about her, and I know you do, then do the right thing, Machlan. Treat her with the same decency you treat everyone else.”
The whiskey must wear off because my entire body cools. I shiver as a rash of goose bumps break out across my skin.
“Now, I gotta go,” she says. “I’m tired and emotionally spent from this love affair you have going on. Plus, I have to rationalize Peck’s love of Molly before I can go to sleep, and I’m not sure how long that’s going to take.”
“None of us have figured that out, so good luck.”
“He’s so cute. And she’s so … mean,” she groans. Shoving the car in gear, she waves. “Have a good night, Mach.”
“You too.”
She drives off, her taillights disappearing around the corner before I even pivot. When I do, I almost wish I hadn’t.
A light is on in the apartment. It’s faint, barely visible, and looks to come from the back of the room. My feet start walking that way before my head even tells them to.