Crave (The Gibson Boys 3)

“No. I’m fighting for us now,” he says, resting his hand on my arm.

“I’ve fought for you over and over, and you push me away every time.”

He nods. “I know. I’m a fucking idiot.”

“Mach …” My voice is full of tears, both shed and unshed. I don’t even try to stop them because it would be futile.

“When I look at you, I don’t just see the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. I see the next sixty years of my life.”

My breathing hiccups as I try to keep my emotions contained. They spill over my walls like a tropical storm that hits out of nowhere.

My heart breaks from the pain in his face and the loneliness in mine. But if I fix one, it’ll only exacerbate the other. If I hold him, it’ll hurt that much more tomorrow when he leaves. And if I make him leave, it’ll add more pain to him tonight.

For the first time in my life, since the day he walked in while I was sorting clothes, I pick me.

“I’m so glad you’ve come to this realization, but it’s too late,” I say, wiping my face with the back of my hand.

“It’s never too late.”

“Why is this supposed to matter to me now?” I ask, feeling engulfed in a situation I couldn’t manage before. “What caused this change of heart?”

A sadness drifts across his eyes. “It doesn’t matter.”

“No, it does. Because all of a sudden I’m going to be okay and here you are.” I shake my head. “I’m out. I’ve tried. I’ve fought for you until I can’t fight anymore. I don’t want to.”

“Give me one more chance,” he says.

“Why? What will be so different this time?” I throw up my hands. “You’re only here because I stopped chasing you. You knew I was serious, so you had to run me down and keep me in the loop.”

“You seriously think that?”

“I don’t know,” I say, my anger getting the best of me. “What will stop you from not telling me about things you tell Navie about? Because you told her about Spencer before you told me, didn’t you?”

His face falls.

I laugh at how betrayed I feel. “Just go.”

“I’m not leaving.”

I’m too tired to fight. Too broken to argue. I have to work in a few hours, and I’ll be damned if he’s going to ruin that too.

I turn around and head to my bedroom. “If you need to sleep, do it on the sofa. But be gone before I get up.”

There’s no way I can look at him. So I don’t.

Leaving him standing in the middle of the living room, I take my tear-stricken face into my room, close the door, and lock it. I climb into bed, pull the covers up, and cry myself to sleep.

Thirty-Seven

Machlan

I haven’t moved.

The sun started to come up a half hour ago, filling the little living room with a subdued light. It’s a cloudy day from the looks of it, and that’s fitting.

Her things are scattered around, many of them things I can place. I know where she got the little picture frame that holds a picture of her and Cross on the mantle, and the vase sitting on the little shelf was a Water Festival purchase the year we had our daughter.

I’ve mostly stared at her bedroom door all night and told myself I can’t go in there. I can’t bust it down even though I could with probably nothing more than a hard hit of my shoulder. I don’t even get up to find the bathroom in case she comes out. I want her to see I’m still here when she does.

I’ll be here forever.

Peck has sent me a few texts, letting me know Nana will have more tests today. She fell asleep right after I left, and he sent a few pictures of himself in the waiting room in various precarious positions. It helped what was left of the night pass.

Blowing out a breath, I fight to stay awake. I’m drained. Utterly and completely drained. It would be easy to rest my head against the sequined pillow that spells Hello when you run your hand over it and fall asleep.

But I don’t.

A soft rummaging comes from the other side of the six-paneled door. My phone chirps and my attention is pulled between it and Hadley’s room.

Taking it out of my pocket, I see a text from Peck.

Peck:All good here. Lance got here first thing with Blaire. You sure she isn’t a doctor?

Me:Tell her not to piss anyone off until I get there.

Peck:Too late. LOL

I laugh, shaking my head.

Me:I’ll be there as soon as I can. Keep me posted.

“What’s so funny?” Hadley asks.

My head snaps up. I get to my feet like a stumbling idiot.

She looks beautiful with her sleepy eyes and messy hair, despite the glare she’s shooting my way. It’s a good thing I see through it.