The phone changed hands, and Beth’s lovely face came on the screen. “I’m sorry if she seems direct—”
“She doesn’t. But she’s right that she needs a room at my place that makes her feel at home.”
Beth’s breath hitched as if the idea made her sad. “Yes, of course.”
“Why don’t you two come for dinner. Tonight. She can pick a room she wants to be hers. Unless you’re busy?”
“No. We’re not busy. She eats early. Around six.”
“Be here at six then.”
“Are we going to Daddy’s for dinner?” Hannah asked in the background.
“Yes.”
“Yay! Tell him I can’t have shrimpies.”
“No shrimp or shellfish,” I said, letting Beth know I got the message.
“We’ll see you at six.”
As I hung up the phone, I went to my room to change for a quick workout. I had energy to burn and a lot of thinking to do before dinner.
30
Beth – Monday
I loved how Ash was taking so well to fatherhood. In retrospect, I should have known he would. I wouldn’t have loved a man who couldn’t love our child. If only I hadn’t screwed things up so royally with us. I wondered if I’d ever be able to win back his love. In some ways, I was afraid to try. But if I didn’t, someday he’d meet someone else, and the idea of Hannah having a stepmother both angered and pained me.
I stopped packing up the house, and instead focused on getting Hannah ready for dinner at Ash’s. I packed a bag of toys and her coloring items along with a few snacks in case Ash didn’t have foods that she liked.
Just before six, there was a knock on my door. When I opened it, I saw Ash’s driver.
“Mr. Raven asked that I pick you up. Ms. Raven’s car seat is in my car.”
Of course, he’d think of everything. “We’ll be right there.”
I loaded her up in the car and used the drive to settle my nerves. We’d had a good time at the park and zoo, but some tense moments after. The last time I was at Ash’s we made love, and for a moment, I thought he and I were going to have our forever, after all. I waited ten minutes too long to confess my secret to him.
When we arrived at Ash’s building, I took Hannah’s hand and walked her up. “Daddy’s house hasn’t had kids before, so you’ll need to be careful okay?”
“Okay.” She was bouncing as we waited for him to answer the door.
When it opened, my heart cried out again. He looked so handsome in faded jeans and a red polo shirt.
“Daddy!” Hannah threw herself at him.
“Hey, cutie pie.” He bent down to pick her up.
“I brought my picture.” She waved her drawing at him.
“It’s even prettier in person.”
“You can have it,” she said.
“Can I? Thank you. I’m going to hang it up in an important place.” He held the door for me and then I followed him to the open living room.
“You can see the river,” Hannah said as she squirmed out of his arms and ran to look out the large windows. My gaze shot to the balcony, hoping the rails were large enough to prevent her from falling through.
“Down there is the Statue of Liberty,” Ash said pointing.
“Oh yeah. I’ve never been there.”
“Maybe I’ll take you some time,” he said.
“Do you have a big house too?” Hannah asked.
“It’s big enough. Maybe too big for just me. Thank goodness you’ll be here sometimes. Would you like to pick your room?”
“Yay.”
He turned to me. “I have wine in the kitchen if you’d like.”
I wasn’t sure if that was a cue for me to give him some time alone with Hannah or not, but the truth was, a glass of wine could steady my nerves. “Should I pour you a glass too?”
He nodded. “Yes, thank you.”
He and Hannah wandered off toward the bedrooms, while I got a glass of wine and then went out on the terrace. This was what our lives were going to be like now. Actually, once Hannah acclimated to Ash, I wouldn’t be here when she was. I wouldn’t be able to see how beautiful it was between them. She adored him already and he clearly had already made her the center of his world. Was I jealous? Maybe a little. I’d been the center once, and I remembered how wonderful it was. Could I get that back? Was there anything I could say to make him believe I loved him? Why hadn’t I told him that before? And if he believed I loved him; would he be able to trust me again?
“I’m going to have some special safety glass put along the railing, just to be sure she’s safe,” he said as he and Hannah came out. I handed him a glass of wine.
“I picked a room, Mommy. And Maddy says I can have it decorated any way I want it. I want a zoo with red pandas.”