“But if you could have anything, what would it be?”
Again, excluding Mak with a bow and nothing else on, she thought about it. “Dinner. Dinner here. With pitas and tzatziki and lamb. My mother used to have the cook make that for us. It was something that she liked growing up. Simple, but …”
“Comforting,” he said.
Right or wrong, in that moment, Mak knew he could deny her nothing. Giving in to this was far better than giving in to the desire that was coursing through his body. Better, but not easier.
“Exactly,” she said, color staining her cheeks. A flush of happiness. She liked being understood. Such simple things seemed to mean so much to her. And he was finding they mattered to him too.
He’d spent so much of his life giving to someone who was passive. He didn’t resent it. He gave to Marina because she deserved nothing less. Because, even if some days it taxed him, he desired to give to the woman he loved. But for so long, he’d only been able to ease someone’s pain, not offer any sort of pleasure or real happiness.
Guilt stabbed him. Guilt over finding satisfaction in this. Guilt over the gnawing ache that told him how much he’d missed the experience. Guilt over feeling that he was finally experiencing some of the real elements that should be in a relationship.
It wasn’t Marina’s fault. None of it was.
Everything he’d missed … she’d missed so much more. He had the use of his mind and his body, everything else was simply a perk. And yes, he’d missed out on some perks. But he had his health. He had his life. But there was still a wedding ring on his finger, reminding him, making him feel the weight of his past.
Still, the flush of crimson on Eva’s cheeks warmed him in places that had been frozen for years. And he was addicted enough to the feeling to chase it.
“I’m sure I can have dinner arranged. And until then?”
“I don’t know.”
Curiosity, curiosity that went beyond what he’d read in her file, prickled his scalp. “What do you normally do in a day?”
She half shrugged, her eyes straying around the room. I … I read a lot. I go to approved functions. Sometimes—rarely—I go down into the city and get coffee, go to the bookstore. But all of that is such a big deal that I really don’t do if very often. When I was in school, that filled up a lot of my time. I finished high school early and moved on to college courses, but I did all of that with tutors at the palace and now … there seem to be too many hours in the day sometimes. And other times nowhere near enough. I can’t even imagine the frenzy of a wedding …”
Her sentence trailed off, her expression turning serious. “And when Stavros gets married, well, that will be an even bigger deal. Because he’ll be marrying the future queen of Kyonos.”
“You’ll be the future queen of a country as well. Of Bastian’s country most likely.”
Eva looked down at her hands. “I suppose so. I hadn’t put a lot of thought into it.”
“No? Most people would. Most people would be counting the days until the upgrade.”
“You already know I’m not. Why would I have any more power as queen than I have now? I’ll be part of Bastian’s decor rather than my father’s.”
“You’ll be more than that,” he said, trying to erase the bleak picture her words painted.
“Right. I’ll also be expected to sleep with him. And have his children. Assuming, of course, he still wants me.”
“No word yet?” He did his best to blot out the image of Eva in bed with a man, his strong hands on her round, shapely hips. It was far too easy to imagine they were his own hands, gripping her soft flesh as he thrust into her body.
The thought of it made all of the moisture in his throat turn to dust. Last night had shown him just how close he was to breaking free of his control. Allowing anything that remotely resembled a fantasy today would be far too dangerous.
“No,” she said tightly. “When I hear, I assure you, you’ll be the first to know. Mainly because there’s no one else here.”
“I am honored, printzyessa,” he said, taking a step away from her. Distance was a necessity.