She looked at the empty space next to her and felt her heart squeeze tight. She wished she had known that last night was the last night. She might have held him closer.
She might not have slept.
She looked at Mak, standing across the room from her, his posture formal, nothing in his face hinting at his emotions, or even if he had them.
If she had known that last night had been the last time, she might even have told him how she felt.
So it was probably good she hadn’t known.
“I’ll go and gather my things,” she said, standing up, tugging the blanket around her body.
She started to walk past him, then stopped, turning to face him. She studied the lines of his face, so familiar, so essential. She pulled the blanket more securely around her body and stood up on her toes, pressing a kiss to his lips. He froze for a moment, the put one hand on her waist, holding her to him as he returned the kiss. As he slid his tongue against hers, taking the kiss deep, intense. Desperate.
Her heart pounded hard, echoing in her head, her entire body shaking as she squeezed her eyes closed. She needed this kiss, this last kiss, to last her forever.
It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.
When they parted they were both breathing hard, Mak’s eyes glittering with emotion now, deep and dark and un-nameable.
She felt a tear slide down her cheek and she didn’t bother to wipe it away. She wouldn’t hide how he affected her. But she wouldn’t crumble either.
“Now I’ll go and get ready,” she said, trying to force a smile.
“I’ll meet you down here in half an hour,” he said, his voice a whisper.
“See you then.”
Mak spent the flight in the seat at the opposite end of the plane from Eva’s seat. He had to gather his control. Had to find a way to put some distance between them.
They were about to stand before King Stephanos, about to rejoin the real world.
He didn’t often question his actions. Since the car accident that had cost Marina her life, at least a real life, he had simply moved on. Tried to make what he had, what they had, work.
He should question the actions he’d taken with Eva. He should denounce them. Regret them. Something.
He didn’t. He couldn’t.
She was the first woman to truly test his control. There had been others who were willing, especially since he’d been able to act on any desires he might have. But nothing about the moment, or the person, had felt right. He’d felt dead. Bored.
With Eva he felt alive. As if she’d breathed into him, made him see things in color. She added an indefinable something to his life, to each moment. And he felt starved for it, for her, always.
Still, he should feel regret. He could offer her nothing, not just because of her likely-impending marriage, but because he had nothing to give. Nothing at all. He was dry. Spent.
He could give endlessly to his job, a job that only made physical demand of him, and he could keep Eva happy in bed endlessly too. But she needed more. She was so beautiful, so untouched, even by the tragedy that had happened in her own life.
She didn’t need someone so damaged. Especially when he knew he could do nothing but take. And he’d been there. He’d been the one to give, and had given until it was all gone. His life blood leached from him, leaving nothing but a shell in place of the man he’d been.
He wouldn’t do that to her. Ever. An arranged marriage with a man who had the possibility of giving her everything she needed was a much better thing for her.
Even if the idea of another man’s hands on her body gave him the impression of hot, dry ash on his tongue.
“What are we going to tell him?” Eva’s voice came from just behind him.
He turned. “Nothing. Your father, I assume? But even if you mean the pope, the answer is still nothing.”
“Not a believer in confession?”
“Not confessing something of this nature.”
“Are you ashamed?”
He stood and braced himself on the back of the chair, a fierce anger erupting in him. At her. At himself. “I am attached to every body part I have. And I don’t fancy losing any. Neither do I fancy spending any time in a Kyonosian jail cell for violating their precious princess.”
“They all think I’ve been violated before anyway. Besides, we both know you could escape from a jail cell in what? Five minutes?”