Still, the trip back to where she'd grown up had made Gemma appreciate the life she had made for herself now in Sydney. She had an interesting job selling opals to an exclusive clientele in Whitmore's glamorous store in the Regency Hotel. She was married to Sydney's most successful playwright who also just happened to be the most handsome, sexiest man who'd ever drawn breath. And soon she was going to start having the family she'd always wanted.
Her big brown eyes melted as she thought of her husband, and their phone conversation last Friday night. That had been less than two days ago, but it seemed like an eternity. She'd done exactly as he'd suggested and thrown away her pills. Then she'd done the second thing he'd wanted: come home. Smiling a very female smile, she extracted her keys from her carry-all handbag, picked up her suitcase and walked over to the security door of the four-storey building that housed their apartment. On the top floor, their unit had a lovely view of Elizabeth Bay and, while Gemma called it home for now, she knew she wouldn't want to bring up a child, or children, in such a contained and restricted environment. She would want a house and a big back yard with a dog in it, a dog she would call Blue.
Gemma's heart squeezed tight as she thought of that moment out at the Ridge yesterday when she'd visited Blue's grave. He was buried not far from the dugout she'd been brought up in, on a small hillock he used to lie on sometimes. She hadn't been able to stop the sudden welling-up of emotion nor the flood of tears that had streamed from her eyes. Now, as she turned the key and let herself into the building, she felt those tears pricking at her eyes again.
She would have brought Blue to Sydney with her if she'd had the chance. But some rotten swine had poisoned him while she'd been at her father's funeral. She'd been shattered when she found his body, seemingly more upset over her dog's death than her father's.
Gemma felt a stab of guilt at that memory, frowning as she carried her case inside the cool foyer and shut the door behind her. Going back to Lightning Ridge had dredged up memories she would rather have forgotten. Yes, Nathan was right. One's happiness lay in the future, not the past. From this day, she would look forward, not back. Her future and her happiness lay in her marriage to Nathan, in their having a family together.
A determined expression momentarily thinned Gemma's full mouth. If Nathan thought she was going to stop at one baby, he was very much mistaken. She'd hated not having any brothers and sisters, hated not having a mother and a father. No child of hers was going to go through life feeling deprived and different, as she had done. Her children would have every advantage she could give them. Gemma's mouth suddenly relaxed into a quietly rueful smile.
Just look at me, getting all carried away and serious. Thinking too far ahead was as bad as spending all one's energy worrying about the past. My first priority is being happy here and now-and in getting pregnant with my first baby. Still, if Nathan's mood on the phone the other night was anything to go by then the latter shouldn't take too long.
Gemma hurried over to press the lift button on the wall, her heart racing excitedly as she thought of what was in store for her upstairs. The lift doors whooshed back and she stepped inside the empty compartment, pressing number four and waiting impatiently for them to shut again.
Actually, she and Nathan hadn't made love for ages. Not that Nathan hadn't wanted to. He always wanted to. But some recent and rather shocking allegations about Nathan's sexual history had played on her mind, and she'd begun making excuses not to make love with her husband. Even after being assured by an independent source that the most shocking of these allegations was untrue, she'd still found herself acting very negatively in the bedroom. Nathan had been remarkably patient with her, and she aimed to reward that patience in full tonight.
Maybe I'll fall pregnant straight away, Gemma thought excitedly as the doors shut and the lift began to rise. Probably not, she conceded, but it felt wonderfully warming to think about the possibility. It would give added meaning to what had previously been little more than a physical intimacy between them. Gemma held high hopes that having a baby together would bring about the emotional bonding with Nathan that she'd always felt was missing in their relationship.