Crazed by jealousy, he had done what others would decry as an unthinkable act, but she'd already accepted that the assault had been a momentary aberration, a temporary insanity which he had immediately regretted.
But Gemma's belief that her husband really loved her did not change the fact that he did not believe she loved him. He'd said so, told her she was too young for such depth of emotion, confessing that he'd selfishly rushed her into marriage on her response to a strong sexual attraction.
This was the reason he'd treated her as he had; buying her gifts all the time, cosseting and smothering her as an insecure older lover might do to a Lolita-style mistress, fearful all the time that she would grow bored and leave him. He'd deliberately kept the focus of the relationship on sex because that was the area he was most confident in
It was in the father role that he made decisions for her all the time, especially the one not to tell her who her mother was, probably because he felt a mother like Celeste would be like his own mother, and consequently not worth knowing.
Then was the role of a seducer and enslaver, taking her desire for him and exploiting it to the full, attuning her body to his needs so finely that she had seemed to lose some of her will power in that regard. He could sometimes make her respond even when she didn't feel she wanted to.
Who knew? Maybe Nathan had thought the other day that she would even respond to his forced act of intercourse. Of course she hadn't, and when he'd finally seen that, she gained the impression that he was filled with remorse and self-disgust.
But all this thinking left her where? Nathan insisted he didn't want her back as his wife, obviously because of her supposed adultery. How he could believe she'd go from him to Damian so soon after their very loving phone call on the previous Friday night was beyond her.
How happy she had been after that phone call. And how optimistic for the future. She hadn't been able to wait to throwaway her pills, to come home to Nathan and to ...
Gemma froze as the possibility struck. Dear God, she had never thought of that. The idea that she might have conceived a child that awful afternoon
seemed a wicked twist of fate, but it was a distinct possibility, maybe even a probability!
Gemma blinked as the idea took hold. Why wasn't she appalled by the thought? Or disgusted? Or revolted? Because she wasn't, that was why. Any child resulting from that unfortunate union would still be the offspring of two people who loved one another, however misguided one of them was.
'Gemma?' Celeste asked. 'Are you all right?'
Lord, but she was finding it hard not to actually feel excited by this, which was crazy! Looking up, she struggled for composure. 'Yes. I'm fine. Why?'
'You ... you looked strange for a moment.'
I not only look strange, Mother, I am strange, Gemma decided. Any other woman would be horrified. But not silly old optimistic me. Because even if I'm not pregnant, this has shown me what having a child of Nathan's means to me, what Nathan means to me.
It looks as if I'm going to have to win him back, came the astonishing realization. By fair means or foul, if necessary. He's not going to get away from me, she decided with a surge of steely spirit. I'm not going to do what Celeste did with Byron. Nathan is the man for me and he's the man for me here and now, not in twenty years' time.
I have a weapon or two in my favor, Gemma planned with quite amazing calm. My body for one. Nathan does have an addiction for it. On top of that, he actually loves me. Lust plus love is a pretty powerful and potentially weakening combination. If I'm not pregnant this time, I'm certainly going to become so in the not too distant future.
And then ... then ...
Gemma grimaced at this point in her train of thought. She couldn't think that far ahead. She'd have to take this plan one day at a time.
'Gemma?' Celeste asked again.
She looked up to find everyone looking at her with concerned expressions on their faces.
'Sorry, I was daydreaming, making plans for the future.'
Now everyone looked even more taken aback.
'I can keep my job at the store, can't I, Byron?' she asked.
'Of course!'
'And I. . .I'd like to stay living here, if I could.'
Nathan was more likely to come to Belleview than Campbell, she reasoned. 'I hope you're not offended, Mother. I'll visit you as well.'