Chapter Fourteen
"Shall I escort you back to your room? You just have time for a refreshing nap before evening vespers and dinner."
Andras turned to face her as they entered the front courtyard. They hadn't spoken on the walk back to the monastery, and the stiffness in the knight's voice matched his body language. CC knew that her behavior must baffle him, and she felt sorry for the tension between them, but her head was throbbing. She wanted relief from the stress of having to continually watch her words and actions around Andras, but she didn't want to be closed up in her little room.
"No, I think I'd rather explore the monastery." Andras opened his mouth and CC hurried on before he could insist on accompanying her. "And I think I need to spend some time alone in, uh, prayerful meditation before evening mass." She blinked innocently up at him.
"Of course. I would not want to intrude upon your need for prayer." His voice was smooth, but his eyes had hardened. CC was unexpectedly reminded of Abbot William.
"Didn't I see another courtyard and some gardens out past the dining room?" she asked.
"Yes. The entrance is through the hall on the other side of the monastery. You may enter it through the dining chamber. I need to take our basket back to the kitchens, so I can escort you to the entrance myself." He smiled at her, satisfied that she could not immediately escape him.
CC tried not to sigh when she took his arm. She knew the knight was well-meaning, but she could feel the pulse in her right temple beat in time with her headache. She truly needed some time alone. As they walked past the well, she was careful to keep Andras between it and her, but nothing unusual happened. She slanted a gaze at the silent rock structure. It looked innocent and mundane. Surely she hadn't imagined the image of Sarpedon?
The dining room was empty and Andras strode across it, leading her into another dimly lit hallway. At the far end of that hall there was an arched exit that opened to a large courtyard-like area. Andras pointed at the exit.
"Through there are the gardens and a pond. At the far end is the chapel." His gaze was searing as he raised her hand and pressed it firmly to his lips. "I look forward to escorting you to evening mass."
She pulled her hand free. "Thank you for lunch. I'm going to attend to my prayers now," she reminded him in case he was having second thoughts about letting her go. Then she beat a hasty retreat.
CC stepped briskly into the garden area and glanced around to make sure there was no one was nearby. Without conscious thought, she wiped Andras's lip print off her hand. She needed to talk to Gaea. Perhaps tonight she should sneak out into the woods. Maybe she would be able to find the goddess there. Absently, she continued to rub the back of her hand. She sighed, wishing she had a couple of Tylenols.
CC began to walk slowly down a little trail that curved and looped through the monastery gardens. Ornamental trees and trellises laced with fragrant flowers dotted the area. Everything was meticulously cared for—not a leaf was out of place or a branch unpruned.
"No wildness, that's for sure," CC mumbled to herself.
Stone benches were arranged strategically amidst the greenery so that one could sit and meditate with the opti-mum of privacy. CC thought it felt wrong—too contrived, too well planned. Somehow its controlled beauty came across as stilted and forced.
A delicate breeze brought the tinkle of running water to her, and automatically she followed the sound, choosing a left-handed fork in the path that turned in the direction of the outer monastery wall. The path brought her all the way to the wall, which was lined with oaks that were decidedly older than those in the rest of the garden. CC smiled up at them. These were obviously too big for the monks to cut and reshape into their idea of proper foliage. Actually, that whole area looked more natural than the rest of the gardens. Wildflowers painted the grasses with splashes of orange, violet and lace, and honeysuckle vines covered the wall, filling the air with sweetness. A little brook ran along the wall, too. It bubbled noisily over smooth rocks, pooling in a rounded area before disappearing under the wall and out into the forest. There was no orchestrated sitting area, so CC brushed off the top of a large rock that rested near the pool and sat down. She watched a frog leap from the bank to a lily pad and let the sound of running water ease away her headache.
"What am I going to do?" she whispered.
"About what, Daughter?"
CC pressed a hand against her chest like she was trying to hold down her leaping heart. The clear, beautiful voice of the goddess came from above her. CC looked up to see Gaea reclining regally along a thick branch of the largest oak. Today her transparent robes were the color of bark, except that the browns and grays in the material shimmered magically like they had been sprinkled with gold dust.
"You're going to give me a heart attack someday," CC said.
Gaea's laughter made the water reeds and grasses sway in response. CC looked around quickly, worry creasing her brow.
"Do not worry, Undine," Gaea reassured her. "I choose who can see and hear me." A brief grimace marred her lovely face. "And none here will be allowed to hear me but you."
"I'm a little surprised to see you." CC gestured around at the monastery. "In here, anyway."
The corners of Gaea's eyes crinkled with her smile. "You might be surprised, Daughter, to learn that even here I have not been completely forgotten. But that is not why I have come." She sat up. The sparkling fabric of her gown drifted sensuously around her. "You look thirsty, Daughter." She clapped her manicured hands together and ordered, "Wine, please!"
Immediately a pewter goblet, decorated with vines and flowers, appeared in her hand. CC blinked in surprise and the goddess pointed to a spot on the ground in front of CC, where an identical goblet had appeared.
"I think you will enjoy the taste. Cernunnos gifted me with this particular vintage during the last fertility festival." She sipped and sighed happily. "He certainly knows wine."
CC took the goblet and lifted it to her lips. The wine was golden in color and so cold it hurt her teeth. As she took a drink the bubbles that broke the surface tickled her nose, and she almost sneezed. Then her eyes opened wide in amazement.
"It's champagne! The most delicious champagne I've ever tasted!" She grinned up at the goddess. "After the day I'm having, I can sure use some of this."
"I thought you would appreciate it. Now, child, tell me what has troubled you."
CC sipped and talked. "Andras can't be the one."
"Andras is that tall, handsome warrior who pulled you from the water?" Gaea inquired with a purr in her voice.
CC nodded and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but he's not Mr. Hero. As a matter of fact, the more time I spend with him, the more he reminds me of Abbot William."
Gaea's face twisted in a frown. "Abbot William! That silly child. He is terrified of everything he cannot control or understand, which means he is filled with bitterness and rage, especially towards women. He is a eunuch." The goddess looked like she wanted to say more, but instead she took a deep drink from her goblet. Shaking her head as if to free her thoughts, she asked. "Are you certain the warrior and he are the same?"
"Well, I don't think Andras is exactly like him; actually sometimes he can be very charming. And I understand that it's a different world with different beliefs, but he sure doesn't respect women, and I've spent the last seven years working hard at being respected—so that's a major strike against him. The truth is, I'm just not interested in him, even if he is the classic knight in shining armor and I should swoon at the thought of him sweeping me off my feet." CC sighed and took another drink of the delicious champagne. "Is Abbot William really a eunuch?"
Gaea made a scoffing noise in the back of her throat. "Not physically—I refer to the way he has chosen to live his life. He hides behind the robes of priesthood and uses his position for selfish reasons. He is not fit to serve any God. Be wary of him. He is a desperate, lonely man, and he should be pitied, but always remember that unacknowledged despair can make men dangerous."
"I'll be careful. It was pretty easy to see that he didn't like me. And it's not that I think that Andras is the same kind of man as he is, it's just that the knight seems to parrot Abbot William's beliefs without thinking for himself."
Gaea's eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "I do not like the sound of that."
"So, does it have to be him?" CC blurted.
"Explain it," the goddess said.
"You know, that whole my true love thing. Does it have to be Andras—or if it does, is it enough for him to love me without me loving him back?"
The goddess tossed back her hair and laughed again, and even though she had assured CC that no one else could hear her, CC's eyes restlessly searched the clearing for listeners.
"Daughter, how you make me laugh! True love is not a potion one person can swallow and another refuse to drink. It happens only when the souls of two join together to form one."
"Well, I don't think I'm going to be joining my soul with Andras's. I don't even like it when he kisses my hand," CC said.
"That does not bode well for true love," the goddess agreed.
They drank together in thoughtful silence.
CC cleared her throat and glanced up at Gaea. "Um, speaking of kissing, do you know anything about a merman named Dylan?"
Gaea studied the young woman who inhabited her daughter's body. She was truly coming to care for this child and not just because she felt obligated to watch over her. She was special, this young one—curious and outspoken and witty. It would be a lovely thing, to have this remarkable child live beside her as her daughter forever. But Gaea recognized the longing the girl was trying hard to mask. The goddess smiled sadly at the irony. She finally had a daughter who could be gifted with the ability to exist on land, and the child was falling in love with the sea. Sometimes life was surprising, even for a goddess.
"I know Dylan well. He was Undine's playmate of old." Gaea raised her delicate eyebrows at the girl. "What is this about kissing?"
CC felt her cheeks warm. "Well, it's just that I feel different when Dylan kisses me." Now her cheeks were practically on fire. She never could talk to her mother about sex—apparently that meant any mother, even if she was a goddess.
"So, the merman has kissed you?"
CC could hear the smile in Gaea's voice, but she didn't look up at the goddess. Instead she busied herself with drinking the last drop of champagne.
"Too bad that's gone," she said, trying to avoid the kissing subject she had bumbled into. "It was delicious."
Gaea snapped her fingers and suddenly the goblet had refilled itself.
"Thank you!" CC took another long drink. This time she did sneeze at the bubbles.
"The merman kissed you?" Gaea repeated insistently.
CC nodded.
"And you found pleasure in his touch?" Gaea asked.
CC nodded again.
Lost in thought, the goddess remained silent until CC couldn't stand it any longer.
"Is that a bad thing?" she blurted, looking desperately up at Gaea.
"No, child," Gaea said. "But you must understand that Dylan is a lesser creature than Sarpedon."
The goddess held up her hand, silencing CC when she would have defended Dylan.
"I do not mean that Sarpedon is more honorable than Dylan—that is obviously not true. What I mean is Sarpedon holds a position of much greater power than Dylan. Sarpe-don's father, as you know, is the great God, Lir. His mother is Morrigan, the Goddess of Battle. Dylan's mother was a simple water nymph named Okynos. Unfortunately, she committed suicide after her human lover, Dylan's father, rejected her." The goddess held her hand out to CC in a sympathetic gesture. "Dylan does not have the protection of a mother, or of a father. He is not helpless, but his gifts are much less than those of Lir's son. Dylan exists peacefully within the waters only because Lir is generous and because Sarpedon ignores him."