A Bad Habit - Taking The Leap

I have never been one for self-flagellation but whipping myself doesn’t seem like a bad idea right now. Penance for my thoughts is just what I need. I can’t figure out why she is having such a visceral grip on me, but she does, and I want to explore it. Damn, the consequences.

I sit and think about her until there is a soft, but demanding knock on my door.

“Come,” I say rather harshly. The door opens without a sound.

“Sorry to disturb you Father O’Riley, but dinner is ready,” Beth says sticking her head in the door.

“Of course,” I say standing and following her to the kitchen.

“I set it up here because the dining room seemed too big for just the two of us. Once the junior priests arrive, I will serve meals there.”

“Whatever you wish, Sister. Everything smells lovely,” I tell her, meaning it.

“It’s just a simple steak with mashed potatoes and green beans,” she says. “Please sit.” She waits by her seat and doesn’t sit down until I do. For some reason, that doesn’t sit well with me.

“Why did you wait to sit?” I ask after she finally takes a seat.

“The Mother Superior sits first. I assumed you did as well.”

“A gentleman doesn’t sit before a lady,” I tell her pausing to take a bite of the potatoes. I can’t help the groan I make at the taste. “These are delicious, Beth.”

“Thank you,” she says blushing. I can tell that she is uncomfortable with the compliment, but she begins to eat, and I don’t have a chance to say anything else for the food is amazing.

“Tell me about yourself,” I say in an attempt to make the conversation normal.

“What do you want to know?” she asks.

“Whatever you want to tell me.”

“Alright. I was born in Philadelphia and lived with my parents until I was about three. We got into a car accident. They died and I didn’t. I was put in a Catholic orphanage and eventually found my way to the convent. The rest is history,” she says shrugging.

“That must have been difficult,” I say, reaching my hand out to cover hers without thinking.

“I don’t think so. If I had been older, I believe it would have been. But as it is now, I am fine. The only thing I struggle with is Honor Thy Mother and Thy Father. How can I honor people that I do not know?”

“There are many ways you can honor them. Praying for their souls is one way that comes to mind.” She rewards me with a bright smile.

“Thank you. I hadn’t thought of it like that.”

“No problem.”

“Tell me about you,” she says.

“Not much to tell. I grew up in the dodgy end of Belfast. Then I found myself in Catholic school. As the second son, joining the clergy wasn’t too far out of the realm of expectations for me. My brother had already joined the military. So, I went to the seminary and took my vows. The church needed me in America, so here I am.”

“Are your parents still in Ireland?”

“They are. They own a restaurant there. It’s their life’s work.”

“I am glad that you still have that connection with your family.”

“We do talk on the phone often, but I haven’t seen them in about five years.”

“That must be difficult,” she says mirroring my earlier words. Our fingers are now entwined. She looks down and realizes that and pulls her hand away hastily. She’s blushing again. Our eyes meet and she quickly looks away from me. I can’t help smiling at that. She’s not immune to me and that makes me feel about a thousand feet tall.

We eat the rest of the meal in silence. Afterward, I help her clean up and then she heads to bed.

Trying to sleep under the same roof as she is, a mere hundred paces away from me is hard. I have to force myself to stay in my room before I do something crazy, like pin her to her bed and put us both out of our misery.

My word is my bond and my bond with God cannot be forsaken for a woman. Can it?

Chapter Five

Beth

Kneeling, I pray before bed like I always do.

“Dear Lord, please protect those who can’t protect themselves. Please keep the troops safe from harm. On a personal note, why do I want this man so badly? I shouldn’t want any man, but definitely not the rogue priest. Why does everything in me call out to him? Please give me the strength to endure him. Amen.”

Lying in my bed, which is supremely more comfortable than the one I have at the convent, I try to sleep, but it’s no use. I am so frustrated. I am achy in between my legs and I can’t stop thinking about that kiss. His firm lips on mine had me yielding to him in a way that I have never done before. Until I came to my senses, that is.