“We all make mistakes.”
“But men like me don’t make mistakes.” He turned his head to the right; that way, I wouldn’t be in his line of sight at all. “I hope he forgives me someday, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he never did.”
“He doesn’t hold grudges.”
“Yes, he does. His whole life is based on grudges.”
“But not against someone he loves.”
He rolled his eyes. “We’re close, but we aren’t pussies.”
“I don’t think loving someone makes you a pussy.”
“Really?” He turned back to me. “Then why are you so scared to love him?”
The question put me on the spot, and it was so unexpected I didn’t know what to say. I held his gaze as I tried to think. “I’m not scared to love anyone. It’s a natural reaction that you can’t control. That means you can’t force it either. I just don’t feel that way…and I doubt I ever will.”
He held my gaze for a while before he looked at the ceiling again. “Why? You’re going to spend the rest of your life with this man. That’s a long time to be with someone without feeling anything.”
“I never said I wouldn’t feel anything. I feel a lot of things for him…like respect, trust, and affection. Those are more important to a relationship anyway. And I don’t understand why you’re concerned about it. This is a convenient relationship for both of us—nothing more.”
Damien was quiet as he soaked in my words. Seconds turned to minutes, and he still didn’t speak. The conversation seemed to be over.
Which was fine by me.
“Can I ask you something?”
I raised an eyebrow. “You can ask whatever you want. But I can’t guarantee an answer.”
“That’s fair.” He turned his head back to me. “Have you ever been in love?”
I had no idea how much Hades had told Damien about our previous relationship. Maybe he knew Hades had proposed; maybe he didn’t. But that was a long time ago and had nothing to do with our current relationship. “That’s a strange question for a non-pussy to ask.”
“Just curious.”
“Have you?” I tried to circumvent the question by forcing him to answer it himself.
“No.” The answer left his lips like a bullet leaving a gun. “And you?”
I crossed my legs and got comfortable in the chair. “No.”
“Never?” he asked incredulously.
I shook my head. “Keep in mind, I’m only twenty-four. That’s pretty young to know what love is.”
“Romeo and Juliet were still in their teens.”
“And they were naïve children who only knew how to think emotionally rather than pragmatically.”
His eyes narrowed. “You’re cold as ice, aren’t you?”
“You just said you’ve never been in love, but I don’t judge you for it. Why are you judging me just because I’m a woman?”
“I’ve never been in love, but I don’t mock anyone who has been.”
“I wasn’t mocking.”
“It seems like you’re repulsed by the idea. I’m just trying to figure out why.”
I shrugged. “Maybe there is no reason why. I grew up watching my mother’s loveless relationships, and that’s all I’ve ever known. Friends who have fallen in love are always scarred by the relationship. Afterward, they’re never the same. People confuse romantic love for lust. Two people aren’t terrible for each other, but they have amazing sex. People can’t distinguish the difference. Half of marriages end in divorce, and those that don’t are still unhappy relationships. So, why would I be interested in that?”
Damien was quiet.
“I married Hades because I didn’t have a choice. In order to get what I wanted, I had to make that sacrifice. But being with him has made me see all the perks of marriage, like having a strong partner who can help you reach your goals. Having someone to protect you. Starting a family. Being with someone with a foundation of loyalty. It’s a great arrangement. Sometimes he pisses me off when he bosses me around, but I’ve learned to deal with it. And I’m getting good sex, so why would I complain? This is the best-case scenario.”
He watched me for several seconds before he faced the ceiling. “I guess that makes sense.”
“Do you ever think about getting married?”
“No. I’m not repulsed by the idea, but I can’t picture myself meeting a woman I can’t live without. I’m in my thirties, and I’ve never met a woman who can keep my attention for more than a day. If I met someone really special, that would be a miracle. And if that happened…then maybe I’d go for it. But it sounds like you aren’t willing to keep an open mind about it at all.”
I was tired of explaining myself. “It doesn’t matter now anyway. I’m married, so it wouldn’t make a difference if I met a guy who made me feel that way…because I’m loyal to my husband.”
“How’s your friend doing?” Mother asked me as she sat across from me at the dinner table. She was on her second glass of wine while we waited for Hades to come home and join us for dinner.