“Why?”
“Baby, I just can’t.”
Her eyes filled with disappointment. “Will you ever?”
“Yes.”
“I know whatever the reason is, it must be important. I’ve never seen you work so hard for something, especially something that seems hopeless. I know you don’t agree with your brother’s choice of livelihood. I know it kills you inside. But whatever you need from him must be bigger than that.”
Yes—it was the biggest thing in my life.
“If you tell me…maybe I can help you.”
“No one can help me.”
“But—”
“Drop it.” I hated to cut her off so coldly. She was only trying to help me, but talking about this only made me feel worse. I wasn’t able to save us, and my secret hurt her too.
She wasn’t affronted by my coldness. Instead, her eyes were filled with pity. Her hand moved across my chest, and her fingers dug into the back of my hair. She slowly leaned in and pressed her forehead to mine, bringing our hearts, bodies, and souls close to each other. “Are you going to give up?”
I closed my eyes and whispered into the darkness. “Never.”
I rose to my feet and lifted her with me. She was a stack of pillows, a soft cloud because she was so small. Like a husband carrying his wife over the threshold of their home for the first time, I carried her inside and laid her on the bed.
When her head hit the pillow, her hair naturally spread across the sheets. Her hands moved to her hips, and she pushed her panties down her legs, getting ready for me even though I’d just rejected her. Like a real husband and wife, it didn’t matter if we disagreed. At the end of the night, we still wanted each other.
Watching her want me was sexier than watching any other woman want me. I could pretend that she loved me, that her feelings mirrored my own. It was so easy to do.
When she looked at me like that.
I got my bottoms off without taking my eyes off hers. Her legs automatically opened for me, letting me slide to the place where I belonged. It was a parking spot reserved just for me, the piece of her I owned exclusively.
Our bodies combined together, our heated breaths echoing in the bedroom. My hands slid into the back of her hair, and my eyes focused on hers. She was the only thing in the world that really mattered to me. I used to think money and power triumphed over everything else, but now I realized I could give all that away and live in a tiny house with her and be just as happy. My old life was a distant memory. I couldn’t even remember the women I had been with before her. She had the power to erase my past, to make me forget there was a time when she didn’t exist.
Maybe she would never love me—but as long as I had this, I would be okay.
I was sitting behind my desk at the bank when Damien walked in. Papers were scattered around my desk, and my laptop was disorganized with a bunch of random shit I could never stay on top of.
Damien wore a midnight black suit, and he unbuttoned the front of his jacket before he took a seat. “Sorry about your brother.”
I leaned back in the chair and brought my hands together. “It is what it is.”
“You aren’t the kind of man to give up easily.”
“Actually, I’m the kind of man that doesn’t give up at all.”
He relaxed in his chair, his knees relaxing wide apart. His fingers interlocked at the back of his neck, like he was vacationing at a resort, not sitting in my office. “Then why are you giving up now?”
“I haven’t. Just taking a break.”
“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. You might annoy him so much he ends up killing you. Then nobody wins.”
I didn’t want to talk about the issue with Sofia anymore. It was all I’d been thinking about lately, and I needed a break from the suffocation. “How’s the Newton account? You didn’t fuck it up while I was gone, right?”
“Newton account?” he asked. “No idea what you’re talking about.”
I raised an eyebrow. “I’m not in the mood, Damien.”
He chuckled. “Geez, you need to lighten up. Of course I took care of the Newton account. I do a better job running this place than you do.”
“Bullshit.”
He shrugged. “I was the one taking care of it while you were gone in Rome…”
“I did what I had to do. You know that.” After everything that happened with Ash, I realized I may never get what I wanted. That meant I had to be careful, look over my shoulder because I had so much to lose. If I was willing to live in a shack with Sofia, then there was no point in me fighting for the money and power I used to care so deeply about. “I want to talk to you about something.”