No. She slapped her hand against the water, sending bubbles flying. He had stood there on that terrace in Barbados and sworn to her they were going to create a marriage based on honesty and trust. And she had eaten it up like the naive Iowa farm girl she obviously still was.
Her insides crumbled. She’d made herself completely vulnerable to him. She had trusted him with her darkest secrets, trusted him to take care of her and their baby. And he had violated that trust.
Just like with everything else in her past—every time her parents’ relationship had gone through a good patch and they’d actually been happy together, every time the farm had gone into the black and she’d been able to buy a new dress, or that bittersweet moment in Westchester when she’d thought she had everything she’d ever wanted—this brief moment of happiness had been taken from her. Just as she’d feared it would be.
She didn’t know what was real anymore.
The moment he entered the room she sensed him. The air thickened around her. His grim appraisal as she opened her eyes made her sink further under the water.
“What’s going on, Lilly?”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “You promised me honesty. You promised we could trust each other.”
He nodded, his dark gaze fixed intently on her. “Si. Have I given you any reason to doubt me?”
She sat up and reached for the sides of the tub with shaking hands. “You lied to me, Riccardo. You lied to me about this whole crazy deal.”
He paled. “What did Antonio say to you?”
“That you’re a selfish bastard who’ll do whatever it takes to get what you want.” She stood up and jabbed a finger at him. “I trusted you. You told me we were starting over without any lies between us.”
He took a step toward her. “I might have taken some artistic liberty with my wording, but Antonio did want us back together.”
“You told me Antonio’s support depended on us getting back together.” She was shaking so hard she could hardly get the words out. “It was a bold-faced lie.”
“What was I supposed to do?” he shot back tightly. “You wouldn’t see me, you wouldn’t talk to me, but you knew I wasn’t going to give up.”
Heat blazed through her. “You were supposed to woo me. You were supposed to come sit on my doorstep every night for a week, like you did when we first started dating. You were not supposed to coerce me into a reconciliation.”
She stood there shivering violently. He grasped her wrists and pulled her out of the tub, wrapped a towel around her.
“Wooing wasn’t working.”
“The deal was a lie,” she said dully. “And the only reason I accepted it was because of Lisbeth.”
“Lisbeth?”
“Her leukemia is back. She needed treatment and I needed the money. So I agreed to your deal.”
His expression darkened. “You agreed to reconcile with me because Lisbeth needed treatment? Hell, Lilly, what kind of a monster do you think I am that I wouldn’t have given you that money if you’d told me?”
“I didn’t want to be beholden to you. I didn’t trust you. And look—” she threw her hands up in the air “—guess I was right.”
His mouth flattened into a thin line, the nostrils of his Roman nose flaring. “You accuse me of not being completely honest when you are withholding things like that from me?”
“It has nothing to do with us.”
“It has everything to do with us. We are a family, Lilly. We support each other.”
“Well, now you’ve got your family,” she bit out, feeling her world fall apart. “Wife, baby—you’ve got everything you ever wanted, just like you always do.”
He closed his eyes, his long dark lashes sweeping down over his cheeks. “It was never about that,” he denied huskily. “I swear to you—it was never about that. I was—I was desperately in love with you, Lilly, and I needed you back.”
Her heart stopped. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to breathe, forcing her heart to start again—because surely he would not use that tactic on her now. Not after she’d spent weeks desperate to hear him say it.
She pulled the towel tight around her, fingers clenching the material. “How many other things have you lied to me about?”
“Nothing.” His voice vibrated with emotion. “Lilly—”
She held up a hand. “No more.”
He ignored her and pulled her into his arms. The strength and breadth of him dwarfed her, so achingly familiar she wanted to howl at the want in her.
His gaze bored into hers. “You are not a possession. You and this baby we are going to have are the most precious things in my life. How could I have let myself lose you? I couldn’t let that happen.”
Hot tears escaped her eyes, running down her cheeks like a river of fire. She beat her hands against his chest, desperate for him to hurt as much as she was hurting. “I needed this to be real. I needed us to be real this time.”
“We are. Lilly—”
“No.” She wrenched herself out of his arms, the towel falling into a heap on the floor. “You know what Alex said to me before we left for Barbados? ‘Whatever you do, don’t get pregnant...’ Because that was the one thing that would complicate a relationship that didn’t need complicating.” She closed her eyes. “And what do I do? I let exactly that happen. And now look at us.”
He eyed her wild, naked stance apprehensively, as if she were a keg of dynamite poised to go off. “Let’s get some clothes on you,” he suggested quietly, “and then we’ll talk.”
She stalked past him into the bedroom and reached for the first piece of clothing she could lay her hands on. He followed, watching as she pulled on a T-shirt and jeans.
“Listen, I know you’re emotional, cara, but—”
“I am not emotional.” She wrenched her hair from underneath her T-shirt and whipped to face him. “I am crushed and I am saddened and I am disappointed in you. But I am not hormonal.”
If she sounded insane she was past caring. “I need some time to myself,” she muttered, turning back to search for a sweater. “Away from here. Away from you.”
“You are not running away again.”
“You’re right.” She swiped a sweater off a chair and shoved her arm in a sleeve. “I’m walking. Maybe to the Brooklyn Bridge. Who knows?”
He moved forward, took her by the shoulders and spun her around. His eyes were black, stormy. “You can throw away a million rings and I will still come after you.”
She squared her shoulders. “I need time. Do not follow me. Don’t have anyone follow me, for that matter. Or I swear to God you’ll push me over the edge.”
She turned and walked out the door. The stars were still shining brightly when she climbed into Riccardo’s Jag and reversed it down the driveway. But this time she didn’t look up.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
RICCARDO KNOTTED HIS tie with fingers that weren’t quite steady. This should have been the most important day of his life—the day his father anointed him the new head of De Campo. It should have been the crowning glory of three years spent proving to Antonio that he had what it took—that this was his company and his vision was the future. That the passion in his veins ran as deep as it did through his father’s.
But his wife was gone. His pregnant wife was gone. And he had no idea where she was, what her state of mind was, or what he was supposed to do with the unfamiliar feeling of helplessness pulsing through him. Giving a speech to the board that painted a vision of De Campo’s future seemed inconceivable.
His hands dropped away from his tie. Lilly had made it clear she needed space. If he had denied it to her, gone after her, he would have lost her.
If he hadn’t already.
He shrugged on his jacket, lifted his collar clear of the dark gray Armani that was his good luck suit—the suit he’d been wearing the night he’d met Lilly in that bar—and refused even to contemplate the possibility. Instead he thought about the twists and turns life could take. Antonio had wanted to raise racehorses. He’d ended up with vines and a company that had brought him success beyond his wildest dreams. Motor racing had been his passion, but he’d grown to love the business that was bigger than him, bigger than his brothers and his father now. De Campo had come to signify luxury and refinement on a global scale. It was bigger than all of them. He would be the man who took it to new heights. Who exploited its raw potential.
Sometimes things happened that were beyond your control.
Sometimes you made them happen with your own arrogance and stupidity.
He stared at his reflection in the mirror, searching for some sign of life in his perfectly tailored appearance. A machine stared back at him. None of this meant anything without Lilly. He could handle the dull throb he woke with every day he wasn’t racing as long as she was by his side. But he could not fathom the future without her.