I felt . . . panicked. In a way I hadn’t in a long time.
And the only explanation was Natalia. My attachment to her was fully formed now, and that was a problem for me.
It was weakness.
And it was a problem for her, too, if she never came around to the idea of me. Because I had no plans to let her go.
“You don’t sound fine,” I said.
She sighed. “Where are you?”
“Not far. If you need me, I can get on a helicopter, just . . . ask.”
She wouldn’t. What reason would she have? Things between us had shifted, but not to the place where she could ask me for something like that.
More silence. The longer it spread over the line, the more uneasy I felt. What was going on? An ache pulsed at my temples, my thoughts jumbling. I felt like I was in a snow globe that’d just been shaken. “Why are you asking?”
“It’s just that you didn’t tell me you were leaving, not explicitly. And you didn’t say how far you were going. So I just feel like, as, you know, your . . . I should know where you are.”
As my wife. No longer my captive? Finally, the SUV pulled up. I glanced over my shoulder as the valet got out of the driver’s side. “Talk to me, mi amor,” I said, turning forward again. “What’s going on?”
“I’ve just been thinking a lot about our conversation at the nightclub last weekend,” she said softly.
“Why didn’t you bring it up earlier?”
“I didn’t realize . . . well, you said you were looking for something, and it might be dangerous.”
I racked my brain for what might cause Natalia to stumble over her words or beat around the bush. If she wasn’t in trouble, could she possibly just be . . . shy?
“What are you trying to ask?” I firmed my tone in case she needed to be told. “Tell me now.”
“I want to know if you’re in danger—for real. Like actual, real danger. And if so, are you sure this mission is worth it?”
Ah. I leaned back on my heels as a soothing, unfamiliar warmth bloomed in my chest. She was concerned? For me? In these last weeks, she’d been resisting me at every turn. The last eleven years, she’d hated me for what she’d thought I’d done. Even the smallest inquiry about my life was a breakthrough—and here, she was actually checking in on my wellbeing. I couldn’t help my small smile. “Natalia.”
“Cristiano,” she answered, and I heard her own smile over the phone. She knew she’d pleased me.
“Are you worried about me?” I asked.
“Well, if worrying about what the people here in your household, and in all of the Badlands would do without you . . . and if being concerned over the futures of the mistreated women and children your resources could help . . . if all that means I’m worried about you, then I suppose I am.”
I would take it. Every word of it. She couldn’t say the things she wanted to—it was too early for that. But the meaning behind her concern came through. And I appreciated it.
“I’m not in too much danger,” I said, downplaying the risk. Traveling farther and farther from my home would always expose me to enemies and potential threats.
“I don’t believe that,” she said, her voice rising to its normal tone.
“Any time I leave the Badlands, there’s a chance something could go wrong,” I admitted. “Especially since I’ve only got two men with me.”
“Why didn’t you take more?” she asked. “Is it because they’re here with me?”
Realizing I’d been strolling around the lawn, I stopped and looked around for Daniel. Where was he anyway? And Max? My eyes landed on the Suburban as it idled by the valet stand, unattended. Had I seen that a valet had pulled it around? Max was the one with the keys.
“Where are you?” Natalia asked.
I frowned, still scanning the area. A wave of uneasiness weirdly similar to nausea hit me. “At a political event, but that’s not important. I’m planning to go south from here.”
“Why?”
It wasn’t that I wanted to keep the details from Natalia, but I needed more information before I shared anything. If I told her what I was looking for and came up short, it could drive an even bigger wedge between us. And if my instincts about this were right, it could potentially break her heart—again. And like Costa, I didn’t take that lightly. I’d vowed to protect her, but if my suspicions proved true, it would be a deeply emotional betrayal I couldn’t shield her from. I wasn’t going to breathe a word until I was one-hundred-goddamn-percent sure.
“Does it have to do with politics?” she asked.
“No.”
“What then?” she asked. “Can’t you give me any more hints as to what you’re looking for?”