Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Mark was looking at her in surprise. "Why?" "We can't." "Kelly-don't you believe that I'm in love with you?" "Yes." "Are you in love with me?" "Yes." "But you don't want to marry me?" "I do want to-but I-I can't." "I don't understand. What is it?" He was studying her, confused. And Kelly knew that the moment she told Mark about the traumatic experience she had had, he would never want to see her again. "I-I could never be a real wife to you." "What do you mean?" This was the most difficult thing Kelly had ever had to say. "Mark, we could never have sex together. When I was eight years old, I was raped." She was looking out at the uncaring trees, telling her sordid story to the first man she had ever loved. "I'm not interested in sex. I'm disgusted by the idea of it. It frightens me. I'm?I'm half a woman. I'm a freak." She was breathing hard, trying not to cry.

Kelly felt Mark's hand on hers. "I'm so sorry, Kelly. That must have been devastating." Kelly was silent.

"Sex is very important in a marriage," Mark said.

Kelly nodded, biting her lip. She knew what he was going to say next. "Of course. So I understand why you wouldn't want to-" "But that's not what marriage is about. Marriage is about spending your life with someone you love-having someone to talk to, someone to share all the good times and the bad times." She was listening, stunned, afraid to believe what she was hearing.

"Sex finally goes away, Kelly, but real love doesn't. I love you for your heart and your soul. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I can do without the sex." Kelly tried to keep her voice steady. "No, Mark-I can't let you." "Why?" "Because one day you would regret it. You'd fall in love with someone else who could give you?what I can't, and you would leave me?and that would break my heart." Mark reached out and took Kelly in his arms and held her close. "Do you know why I could never leave you? Because you're the best part of me. We're getting married." Kelly looked into his eyes. "Mark-do you realize what you're getting into?" Mark smiled and said, "I think you might rephrase that." Kelly laughed and hugged him. "Oh, baby, are you sure you-?" He was beaming. "I'm sure. What do you say?" She felt the tears on her cheeks. "I say?yes." Mark slipped the emerald ring on her finger. They held each other for a long time.

Kelly said, "I want you to take me to the salon tomorrow morning and meet some of the models I work with." "I thought there was a rule against-" "The rules have been changed." Mark was beaming. "I'll arrange for a judge I know to marry us Sunday."

* * *

THE NEXT MORNING, when Kelly and Mark arrived at the salon, Kelly pointed up to the sky.

"It looks like it's going to rain. Everyone talks about the weather, but no one does anything about it." Mark turned and gave her a strange look.

Kelly saw the expression on Mark's face. "Oh, I'm sorry. That's a cliche, isn't it?" Mark did not answer.

* * *

THERE WERE half a dozen models in the dressing room when Kelly walked in.

"I have an announcement to make. I'm getting married Sunday, and you're all invited." The room was instantly filled with chatter.

"Is this the mysterious beau you wouldn't let us meet?" "Do we know him?" "What does he look like?" Kelly said proudly, "Like a young Cary Grant." "Ooh! When can we meet him?" "Now. He's here." Kelly opened the door wide. "Come in, darling." Mark stepped into the room, and the room became instantly quiet. One of the models looked at Mark and said under her breath, "Is this some kind of joke?" "It must be." Mark Harris was a foot shorter than Kelly, a plain, ordinary-looking man, with a thinning mop of gray hair.

When the first shock was over, the models stepped up to congratulate the soon-to-be bride and groom.

"That's wonderful news."

"We're thrilled for you." "I'm sure you'll be very happy together." When the congratulations were over, Kelly and Mark left. As they were walking down the hall, Mark asked, "Do you think they liked me?" Kelly smiled. "Of course they did. How could anyone not like you?" She stopped.

"Oh!"

"What is it?" "I'm on the cover of a fashion magazine that just came in. I want you to see it.

Be right back." Kelly started toward the models' dressing room. As she reached the door, she heard a voice say,

"Is Kelly really marrying him?"

Kelly stopped and listened.

"She must have gone crazy." "I've seen her turn down some of the handsomest men in the world, and the richest. What does she see in him?" One of the models who had been quiet spoke up. "It's very simple," she said.

"What is?"

"You'll laugh." She hesitated.

"Go ahead." "Did you ever hear the phrase 'seeing someone through the eyes of love'?" No one laughed.

* * *

THE WEDDING TOOK place at the Ministry of Justice, in Paris, and all the models were there as bridesmaids. Outside on the street, there was a large crowd that had heard about the marriage of the model Kelly. The paparazzi were there in full force.

Sam Meadows was Mark's best man. "Where are you going on your honeymoon?" Meadows asked.

Mark and Kelly looked at each other. They had not even thought about a honeymoon.

Mark said, "Er-" He picked a place at random. "Saint Moritz." Kelly smiled uneasily. "Yes. Saint Moritz."

* * *

NEITHER OF them had been to Saint Moritz before, and the view was breathtaking, an endless vista of majestic mountains and lush valleys.

Badrutt's Palace Hotel nested high on a hill. Mark had called ahead for reservations, and when they arrived, the manager welcomed them. "Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Harris. I have the honeymoon suite all ready for you." Mark stalled for a moment. "Could-could we have twin beds put in the suite?" The manager asked tonelessly, "Twin beds?" "Er-yes, please." "Why-certainly." "Thank you." Mark turned to Kelly. "There are a lot of interesting things to see here." He pulled a list from his pocket. "The Engadine Museum, the Druid stone, St. Mauritius fountain, the leaning tower?

* * *

WHEN MARK AND Kelly were alone in their suite, Mark said, "Darling, I don't want the situation to make you uncomfortable. We're just doing this to stop any gossip. We're going to spend the rest of our lives together. And what we're going to share is much more important than anything physical. I just want to be with you and I want you to be with me." Kelly threw her arms around him and hugged him. "I-I don't know what to say." Mark smiled. "You don't have to say anything."

* * *

THEY HAD DINNER downstairs and then went back to their suite.

Twin beds had been put in the master bedroom. "Should we toss a coin?" Kelly smiled. "No, you take whichever one you like." When Kelly came out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later, Mark was in bed.

Kelly walked over to him and sat on the edge of his bed. "Mark, are you sure this is going to work for you?" "I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Good night, my beautiful darling." "Good night." Kelly got into her bed and lay there, thinking. Reliving the night that had changed her life. Shhh! Don't make a sound?If you tell your mother about this, I'll come back and kill her. What that monster had done to her had taken over her whole life. He had killed something in her, and made her afraid of the dark?afraid of men?afraid of love. She had given him power over her. I'm not going to let him. Not anymore. All the emotions she had repressed over the years, all the passion that had been building up in her, exploded like a dam bursting. Kelly looked over at Mark and suddenly wanted him desperately. She threw back the covers and walked over to his bed. "Move over," she whispered.

Mark sat up, surprised. "You said you-you didn't want me in your bed, and I-" Kelly looked at him and said softly, "But I didn't say I couldn't be in your bed." She watched the look on his face as she took off her nightgown and slid into bed beside him.

"Make love to me," she whispered.

"Oh, Kelly! Yes!" He started softly and gently. Too softly. Too gently. The floodgates had opened, and Kelly needed him urgently. She made violent love to him, and she had never felt anything so wonderful in her life.

When they were lying in each other's arms, resting, Kelly said, "You know that list you showed me?" "Yes." She said softly, "You can throw it away." Mark grinned.

"What a fool I've been," Kelly said. She held Mark close, and they talked, and made love again, and finally they were both exhausted.

"I'll turn out the lights," Mark said.

She tensed and squeezed her eyes shut. She started to say no, but as she felt his warm body close to her, protecting her, she said nothing.

When Mark turned out the lights, Kelly opened her eyes.

Kelly was no longer afraid of the dark. She* * *

"KELLY? KELLY!"

She was jolted out of her reverie. She looked up, and she was back in the Fifth Avenue jewelry shop in New York, and Joseph Berry was holding out a thick envelope to her.

"Here you are. Twenty thousand dollars, in hundred-dollar bills, just as you requested." It took Kelly a moment to get her bearings. "Thank you." Kelly opened the envelope, extracted ten thousand dollars, and handed it to Diane.

Diane looked at her, puzzled. "What's this?" "This is your half." "For what? I can't-" "You can pay me back later." Kelly shrugged. "If we're still around. If we're not around, I won't need it anyway. Now let's see if we can get out of here."