Move the Stars (Something in the Way 3)

“I don’t think he believed you. The way he looked at me, it was like he knew.”

“Maybe he did. He’s a smart guy, but as a cop, he gets responsibility and duty better than anyone. If he knew you were the love of my life, he also knew there was a reason you weren’t the one walking toward me.”

My heartrate kicked up just hearing Manning say that. “What if I’m not the love of your life?” I asked. “What if I never was? What if we’ve changed?”

He set his head back against the metal railing and laughed. “Of all the shit we need to worry about, it’s not that.”

“But how do you know?”

He looked down his nose at me. “Don’t you know you’re the love of my life?” he asked matter-of-factly. “Are you worried I’m not yours?”

“I wasn’t the one who needed six years to figure it out. I knew right away.”

“Right away, huh?” He shifted me on his lap, bringing his feet in so his knees cradled me. “I knew, too,” he said quietly against my ear, squeezing me to him. “Why do you think I’m here now? Why didn’t I just move on with my life? I was fucking confused. You were sixteen and heaven-sent and I just wanted to keep you in my dirty, dusty construction site. I felt like a fucking perv for the things I wanted to do to you.”

“What things?” I prompted.

“One day I’ll tell you, but I have to pace myself.” He nuzzled me with his day-old stubble, sending goosebumps down my arms. “I saw you before you saw me. You stuck out. I couldn’t take my eyes off you, because you personified a breath of fresh air. Certain things you did, like grabbing your backpack straps when you got nervous, reminded me of Maddy.” He glanced up. The mesh of the fire escape above us blocked most of the sky, but there wasn’t much to see anyway. “When I tried to give you your bracelet, you looked terrified. I thought you’d run away, but you didn’t. You came back to find me.”

I’d been so curious about the big man on the wall in the Pink Floyd shirt. I could still feel the heat of that summer day, but not even the California sun could warm me to the core like sitting under a blanket against Manning’s bare chest.

“You didn’t judge me the way your family and other people did,” he continued. “It wasn’t that I saw you and wanted to fuck you . . . it was just that I had this urge to be near you. To be good enough for someone like you. I wanted to be a better man for the first time since Maddy had passed. Since then, I’d just sort of been existing, living in the dark.”

He took a drag. Smoke floated over the railing, gray and wispy under the moonlight, gone in an instant. I closed my eyes to hold on to the vibrations of his voice against me. I knew that this moment would end, like they all did with him, but at least time for us would only be finite for a few more days. Then there’d be no rules, no withholding, nothing in the way.

“Those early days I met you,” he said, his gaze distant, “it was more like you were the light of my life. Maybe you knew right away that you loved me, but I had to resist it, or I would’ve caused us a lot of problems. The trouble with that, though, is that I fell in love with you anyway.” Finally, he met my eyes again. “And because I fought it so hard, that love is deep and unshakeable. That’s how I know you’re the love of my life. That love is a part of me.”

In drama class, that was what we called a monologue, and it was the best one I’d ever heard. I could’ve died right then knowing our love hadn’t all been in my head. That Manning had seen me that first day, really seen me. I put my palm on his chest. He was still much warmer than I was. He flicked his cigarette over the fire escape and covered my hand with his. “That love is a part of me, too,” I told him. “You were an adult when you met me, but I wasn’t. I was still growing up. My heart formed with you already in it.” I wanted to tell him I loved him. I had tried, earlier, but the only time I’d actually told him, he’d crushed me. As long as he was legally bound to Tiffany, there was still a chance I could lose him, so I kept it to myself.

And suddenly, just like that, we were kissing. I’d imagined it so many times, the freedom to touch my lips to his, especially curious about the flavor of cigarettes. “You have to quit smoking,” I murmured.