“Yes, jaan,” he said as he walked to the bed. He didn’t feel victorious. He felt as if he was walking on eggshells. One wrong move or wrong word, and he could ruin everything. “I’m here for you.”
* * *
Hours later Dev set down his laptop computer and leaned back in his chair. He gave Tina an assessing look. “You are a terrible patient.”
“So I’ve been told,” Tina said as she flipped through the movie magazine Dev had asked Sandeep to buy. She sat on the bed and wore her softest, most comfortable shalwar kameez. Her stomach didn’t hurt as much but her heart was heavy with regret. She couldn’t rid the memory of Dev’s stricken expression from this morning. She kept pushing him away when she really wanted him near. She didn’t know how to stop.
“You don’t need to stay, Dev,” Tina said with a sigh as she tossed the magazine to the side. “I had some bad chaat, that’s all.”
“You shouldn’t try to diagnose yourself,” Dev warned her. “You should have a doctor check you out.”
“No, that’s not necessary.” She shivered at the thought. She had grown to hate the sight of surgical scrubs and white coats. “I’m fine. Why don’t you go watch cricket or something?”
Dev propped his chin against his hand. He was in no hurry to go anywhere. “Why are you trying to get rid of me?”
Tina leaned her head back against the stack of pillows behind her. “I already feel bad that you’re wasting your day in that chair staring at four walls.”
“This is where I want to be,” he said softly.
“I don’t know why,” Tina muttered.
“If I was sick, would you look after me?”
She made a face and looked away. “Yes, but that’s different.”
“Because you never want to rely on anyone,” Dev said. “You have to do it all yourself.”
It was true. She wasn’t comfortable asking for help. Not from anyone, especially her family. She had already been a burden to her mother. A problem for her husband. The last thing she wanted to do was highlight why she was an inconvenience.
“Next time I’m not going to wait for permission to take care of you,” Dev said. “I don’t mind that you need me. I like it when you depend on me.”
Tina frowned. A great many people relied on Dev, from his mother to the people who worked for him. He didn’t need another dependent. “You don’t want to take on my problems, Dev. You have enough of your own.”
“I don’t see it that way,” Dev said. “When you disappeared, I frequently dropped by your mother’s house to check on her and your sisters. You weren’t around so I did it for you. Your family is my family.”
“Family is important to you.” It was a fantasy of his to be part of a big, noisy family. Have the kind he saw in the movies but never had for himself. That was yet another thing she couldn’t give him.
“I like being a big brother to Rani and Meera,” Dev said with a hint of a smile. “I like helping your mother. She treats me as a son instead of a movie star. I would like to take care of you. You need to stop fighting me every step of the way and just let it happen.”
“It’s not that easy.” She had given him that control, had placed all of her trust in him because she couldn’t function. It had been terrifying. And then suddenly he had no longer been there, choosing to be anywhere but at her side. She had felt betrayed.
“Because I wasn’t there when you miscarried. I wasn’t there afterward.”
She raised her gaze to the ceiling. “I didn’t ask you to be there.”
“I should have been there even if you were trying to kick me out of the room.” He paused. “Why didn’t you ask for me? Why were you pushing me away? Did you think that I would turn away? Reject you when you needed me the most?”
Tina pressed her lips together as the tears burned in her eyes. “Yes,” she said.
The tense silence pulsed in the room. “What did I do to make you think that?”
“It wasn’t you. My father ran out when we needed him the most,” Tina said softly, lowering her gaze. “When life wasn’t turning out the way he thought he deserved it. But he had been absent long before that. I learned not to ask him for anything because it would only lead to disappointment.”
“I didn’t run out on you. I made sure you had everything you needed.” Dev met her gaze. “But it’s my deepest regret that I wasn’t there when you needed me the most. It wasn’t until you disappeared that I realized I was following my parents’ footsteps. They were too busy making movies. Sandeep was there for me more than my parents. I don’t want to be an absent husband or father. Next time, I’m going to every doctor’s appointment and I’m sitting at the table every night for dinner.”