‘I know because you told me. You were drunk, but you still said it.’
‘Hmm. Must have been the dancing.’
‘I know.’ His shoulders jump up casually. ‘I’m good.’
I shake my head at his impertinence. ‘You’re arrogant.’ I’ve grown to love that about him, too. His confidence is actually a huge turn-on, especially now that he’s just mine. And he has every right to be self-assured.
‘It would seem that I’m a little brighter than my beautiful wife.’ he says, wrapping his palms around my ankles.
‘You’re really arrogant.’
‘No, not this time. This time I’m just honest. You see, I realised that I was in love with you before then.’
I pout. ‘Does that make you cleverer than me?’
‘Yes, it does. The whole time you were running, I was so frustrated. I was thinking there must’ve been something wrong with you.’ He smiles shyly. ‘You know, because you wouldn’t submit to me.’
‘Like the others did.’ I confirm his point. I imagine rejection was very frustrating for a man who always took what he wanted with complete ease. He nods, and I sigh. ‘It was only because I knew I’d get hurt. Even though I didn’t know you, it was obvious you…’ I pause briefly. ‘were experienced.’ I was going to say a womaniser, but I don’t think Jesse could be labelled that at all. Women threw themselves at his feet, made it easy for him, so he didn’t need to resort to chasing. Until he met me.
His fingertips start tracing up my shins, and he watches their path. ‘When I left you for those four days…’
‘Don’t!’ I blurt. ‘Please don’t talk about that.’
‘Just let me explain something. It’s important.’ He reaches up and pulls me down so we’re nose to nose. ‘I was so confused by what I was feeling. It took that time away from you to piece together exactly what it was. I couldn’t work out why I was behaving like a madman. I really did think I was going f**king crazy, Ava.’
I absolutely do not relish these reminders. I don’t know where this is leading to, but I already know that he left me because he knew he was in trouble, because he didn’t want to hurt me. I don’t need to hear it all again.
He has a little nibble of his lip, right under my nose, and then presses on. ‘I spent day three and four reliving every single moment with you. I replayed them repeatedly until I was torturing myself, so I came to find you. Then you f**king ran again.’
Of course I ran again. My instincts didn’t fail me. Even if I wasn’t wholly sure of why I should be running, I knew I had to.
‘Ava, the night when you told me that you love me, everything became so f**king clear, but at the same time it was a massive blur. I wanted you to love me, but I knew you didn’t really know me. I knew there was stuff that would make you run again, but I also knew that I belonged to you, and it scared me to f**king death to think that once you started unravelling it all, you’d be off again. I couldn’t risk it, not after it took me so long to find you.’ His eyes close and he takes a further deep breath of confidence. ‘I took your pills that night.’
I’m not even shocked. He’s confessed, not only to stealing them, but why he did. It makes sense to him in his crazy world, and worryingly, it kind of does to me.
His lips press to mine softly. ‘I sat there all night and watched you sleeping, and all I thought about was every reason for you not to want me. I knew it was wrong to take them, but I saw it as collateral. That’s how desperate I was.’
I relax into him, my face falling into his neck. ‘So you don’t want a baby? You just want to keep me?’
He pulls me out of his neck and hits me with his smile, reserved only for me. ‘I want everything in the world with you, baby, and I want it all yesterday.’
Deep down, I think I knew that, too. ‘Thank you for my watch.’
He smiles and reaches up to drag his finger across my bottom lip. ‘You’re more than welcome.’
I fall to his lips and lose myself in him. It’s slow, it’s soft, it’s exquisite. It’s just how it’s supposed to be in this moment.
Chapter 14
The familiar sound of whirring and banging wakes me, and knowing where to find him, I take myself down to the gym. I stand on the other side of the glass door and watch his sweat drenched back flexing and rippling as he pounds the treadmill while watching the sports news on the suspended television. Opening the door quietly, I wander in and take myself around the front of the machine, sitting my naked arse on the weights bench in front of him.
He’s running very fast, and when I lean back on my arms, he slams his fist on the slow button, and starts a steady pace down until he’s stopped completely. My sleepy eyes are beside themselves, watching as he grabs a towel and runs it through his hair and over his face. He’s a mass of pure, solid, shimmering sweatiness. I could eat him.
I’m being watched very closely as he bends forward and rests his forearms on the front of the machine. ‘Morning.’ His eyes run down my front and all the way back up again until he’s back at my eyes.
‘Morning yourself. Why are you running in here?’ I already know the answer to that question, and if I’m going by the tiny, barely noticeable grin on his face, he knows I know the answer to that question, too.
‘I fancied a change.’
I throw him a questioning look, but don’t bother challenging him on it. If pregnancy stops him from dragging me out of bed at sunbreak for a trek around London, then I’m looking more forward to the next eight months. ‘I don’t remember falling asleep.’