He stilled.
“That’s my answer, isn’t it?” I looked up at him as he slowly nodded, tears filling his eyes. “You’re tired, aren’t you?”
A tear slid down his cheek. I buried my face in his chest, I inhaled his scent that was so uniquely him, citrusy and masculine all wrapped up into one. I squeezed his hand even though the squeeze back was so weak I wanted to weep.
“Okay,” I whispered through my tears. “It’s okay.”
He shook his head violently. I didn’t want him to have another attack, so I tried calming him down. He pointed at the pen and paper.
I quickly got it from the table and handed it to him. His writing was getting slower and slower but his penmanship was still incredible.
After a few minutes with shaking hands he handed me the paper. I read it out loud. “I don’t want your last moments with me to be traumatic, I don’t want to fall asleep and have you watch in horror when my eyes don’t open. I can’t handle knowing that the last moments you have with me are sad ones. But I don’t know how to make it better. I don’t want you to fucking remember this and cry. I want you to remember the burrito, the food fights we almost had every time we had a meal and I refused to share. I would die for you, Keaton—but I draw the line at dying in your arms.”
My throat hurt from holding my tears in. “I get to decide what my last moments are with you, not you, Noah. I’ve given you everything, give me this one thing . . .” Hot tears burned my eyes then ran down my cheeks. “Let me hold your hand and walk you into heaven.” A fat tear rolled down his cheek. “Please.”
He grabbed the pen again and scribbled something down. He held up the paper to me, and in giant letters it said, “Okay.”
I’ll remember that moment forever. It was New Year’s, people were singing and celebrating the fact that they had one more year, and I was holding his hand celebrating the fact that he’d been given all the years he would have, and that was okay. Snow started to fall outside, coating the ground in white. I squeezed his hand and kissed his knuckles. “I love you, Noah.”
He brought our joined hands to his heart, keeping them pressed against his chest, then turned his head to watch the snow fall.
The last thing Noah saw on this earth was the cleansing beauty of snow, and the last thing I saw before the strength fully left his hand was a peaceful smile on his face. And the last sound he heard was the piercing cry of the woman he loved, shouting for anyone who would hear. “He’s gone!”
She stopped talking while I watched the emotions war across her face. “I’m so sorry, Keaton.”
She sniffled and wiped the tears away. “It was a beautiful ending.”
“Some might even say perfect,” I added, my stomach clenching, my heart breaking for this beautiful girl. “Do you want to call it quits for the day?”
“Maybe.” She sniffled. “I don’t know. We’re so close to the end that—” She stopped talking as her eyes widened.
Curious as to what she was staring at, I followed her gaze outside.
It was snowing.
Snowing in the city.
When I looked back, Keaton was swaying a bit in her seat. I quickly moved to grab her, catching her right before she passed out in my arms.
Enough was enough.
She’d been puking.
And now she’d passed out.
Yes, it was emotionally heavy stuff, but she was freaking me the hell out. I called down to Barry. “Is the car downstairs?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good, I need it. We’re headed to Manhattan Grace.”
I just hoped everything was okay, and I mentally slapped myself for thinking she could handle all of this while not feeling well.
Keaton agreed to go once she came to a few seconds later. The ride to the hospital was strange. We’d just been talking about death, and now we were headed to the ER.
I hated every minute of it.
But something was wrong.
And even through her repeated mumbles that I was overreacting, I put my foot down. When we made it to the ER, we were promptly escorted to a private room, which I was thankful for. The last thing we needed was more bad press. I didn’t care, but I did care about Keaton’s health, and if that’s what was affecting it, I knew what I needed to do.
Back the hell off.
She was more important than that.
“Hi.” A doctor poked her head in the door. “My nurse said you’ve been vomiting and just passed out today? How long has this been going on?”
Keaton and I shared the same look of Who knows?
I spoke first. “A couple of days or so?”