Movement caught my eye as he hit the red button on the elevator, stopping it in its place and jolting both of us against the wall.
“Look at me.” His voice was commanding but soft.
We locked eyes.
I waited for the demeaning words, for the threats, for the Don’t you love me and want to make me happy?
Julian got down on one knee and grabbed my hand. “Forgive me.”
“Wh-what?”
“Forgive me.” His eyes pleaded. “For being a jackass, for not seeing what was in front of me all along, for getting in over my head, but most of all for not seeing you. Forgive me for forgetting the most important thing in my life. I haven’t been good to you. At all. I want to fix that. I need to fix that.”
“Stop, just stop.” I tried to pull free, but he held me there with his hands, with the pleading in his eyes. “You can’t just ask for forgiveness and make everything okay! I know how this works, Julian, I’m not stupid. Maybe things will be great for now, but sooner or later, there will be another maid, another model, actress, receptionist. I want to believe you, but I don’t. I’m sorry.”
He stood abruptly. “Then I’ll prove it to you. I swear. I’ll be different.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to say he already had been.
“What happens when you can’t do it, Julian?”
“If I mess up . . .” He cupped my face with his hands. “If I go back on my promise, kick me in the balls and ask for a divorce.”
“And the prenup?”
“Fuck the prenup,” he said swiftly. “At the very least you should be given money for emotional suffering if I do anything to hurt you again.”
I still wasn’t convinced.
I wanted to be, but I knew how good a manipulator he was.
I could walk away.
I could leave this.
I still had time.
“Izzy.” He cupped my chin with the barest touch and locked eyes with me. “Let me prove myself to you. Please, just one more chance to show you that the most important thing in my life is not just your heart but your future—our future. Give me until the wedding, let me show you how it should be, and if you’re still not satisfied, I’ll call it off myself.”
It was everything I’d always wanted to hear.
It couldn’t be real.
I looked at him, really looked at him. “Don’t you think it’s too late to ask for that, Julian? I’ll admit you’ve been acting different, really different. But something feels off. Maybe it’s the sudden attitude change, or maybe it’s the fact that you almost died. I just . . . I’m terrified of putting myself out there again. Besides that, it feels like I’m still missing something.”
“I am. Different, that is.”
“What are you talking about?” I just had to point it out even though I felt stupid stating the obvious. He tensed and then relaxed against me.
“I’m whoever you need me to be right now, Izzy, even if that means I need to be the white knight that rescues you from the castle you’re trapped in, or the guy that feeds you junk food so you smile for a while. Trust when I say that I’m me, and that’s all that matters.”
What did I expect him to say? That he was a reincarnated version of himself only he kept the better parts that seemed to get sucked away by his own father year after year?
His eyes zeroed in on my mouth.
I wanted him to press me against the elevator wall, to kiss me senseless. I wanted so many things, like the passion we used to feel between each other when we always felt like we didn’t have enough time to be together.
“I missed you,” I whispered, more to myself, and then shook my head. I still didn’t trust him, not completely. “I’m tired, let’s . . . let’s do lunch another day, alright?” I put distance between us and hit the stop button again. The elevator made a groaning noise as it descended once again toward the lobby.
“Why?” he asked once we were walking side by side through the glass doors out into the bustle of suits walking like a sea of fish in front of us.
I put on my Prada sunglasses, looked up at the skyscrapers, and inhaled deeply. “Because you’ll be on your phone the entire time while I make excuses to the waiter over you sending back your blackened salmon, and I’m not in the mood.”
“Pizza.” He let out a low chuckle. “That way I’m not tempted.”
I whipped my head around and stared at him. “Pizza? You?”
“You’ve seen my six-pack. I think I can take it.”
“Yeah, your swollen six-pack.” I rolled my eyes. “Something isn’t right, Julian. I know that, you know that. Are we just going to pretend there isn’t some elephant hiding in the room ready to pop out at any point and ruin everything?”