That he was gone.
“It’s so much more than I could have dreamed, though the whole evil twin thing is a bit farfetched.” I scrunched up my nose while he nodded in agreement. “Do you think he was upset, the day he got in the accident? Do you think his last thoughts before the crash were angry ones, toward me?”
I didn’t want to ask the question, because I was afraid of the answer.
His face that day had been disappointed.
But there was nothing else there.
Was he upset?
Or was he his usual cool, indifferent self? The face he wore at the office.
“Izzy.” Bridge took the ice cream carton from me and set it on the nightstand, then pulled me into his lap. “We’ll never know. And you can’t blame yourself or beat yourself up over it. It won’t give you closure. It won’t solve anything.”
“When you showed up at the apartment, it reminded me so much of all the reasons I loved him, only to realize later that the reasons I loved him are the reasons I fell for you.”
He kissed the top of my head. “Say that last part again.”
“I fell for you.”
“It seems I can’t stop falling,” he added. “Every day there’s more I learn, every day you sink into my heart deeper and deeper. I can’t imagine there will ever be a day where I say, ‘Today, today is the day I’m done exploring her, done learning about what makes her so incredible.’”
I clung to him then, as he held me close. It was the dream I’d always had and wanted with Julian. To always have this openness with him, to lie around naked, eating ice cream, talking about life.
And it was the night before my wedding to his twin that I finally saw my dream coming true.
I sighed and looked up at Bridge. “Say the best happens, then say he wakes up a year from now . . .”
“Okay.” He was quiet, his eyes searching mine.
“What do we tell Julian?”
Bridge exhaled and closed his eyes then pinched the bridge of his nose. “I guess that depends on what you want to do.”
“Me?”
He frowned. “Izzy, I want you, you know I want you, and yes it would destroy me, but you’re your own person. I won’t make the mistake of leaving you out of any major decision again, so if you want him . . .” He clenched his jaw. “Shit, I can’t even believe I’m saying this, but if you still want to try with him, if he goes back to how things were . . .” He looked heartbroken, and his expression grew shuttered as he sucked in another sharp breath. “I want what you want, Izzy. Your happiness. And your freedom, whatever the cost. And that’s the truth.”
I hugged him tight. “The evil twin isn’t supposed to say things like that.”
“When did we decide I was all evil?”
“The minute you had sex with me on your brother’s couch, evil.”
“You were naked, I had no other choice.” He laughed against my hair. “And Izzy, it’s going to be okay, it has to be.”
I stayed in his lap, eating ice cream, talking about his childhood, asking about Julian, trying to put the pieces together as best I could, why he resented him so much, why there was a chasm between them.
The more he told me, the heavier my heart became.
It seems that I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t chosen.
Julian chose work over me.
Edward chose Julian over Bridge.
Two outcasts, sitting in a bed, eating rocky road. Yes, there was something very poetic and some might say romantic about that.
Chapter Forty-Two
BRIDGE
I was standing in front of the mirror sweating under my designer vest and shoes. We were supposed to do a photo shoot right after the wedding and then change and join everyone at the reception an hour later.
I had six outfits to change into for the photos, each more alarming than the last, and one without a shirt, just suspenders.
I didn’t understand it, but maybe I didn’t have to. I just had to make it through the rest of the day without anything happening to my mom or to Izzy.
I checked the heavy, gold-plated Rolex on my left wrist and then grabbed my phone to dial my mom.
I was in one of the back rooms waiting for a text from my father, and Izzy was being watched like a hawk by Marla in the next room while all the stylists did her hair and makeup, and pinned things to her that I wanted nothing more than to pull off the minute I poked my head in and got shooed out.
I’d imagined my wedding differently.
Maybe in a small church, or on the beach where everyone could just get drunk afterward and then sleep in and surf the next morning.
I stared at myself in the mirror and saw my skin visibly pale.