She wished she could tell them about Ben and Kelly’s betrayal, but that was Ryan’s story, not hers. Maybe they had made some progress last night, but how much? Jaci knew that Ryan wasn’t the type to throw caution to the wind and tumble into a relationship with her; he might have told her the reasons for his wariness and reserve but he hadn’t told her that he had any plans to change his mind about trusting, about loving someone new. She knew that he would still be the same guarded, restrained, unable-to-trust person he currently was, and she didn’t know if she could live with that...long term. How did you prove yourself worthy of someone’s trust, someone’s love? And if she ignored these concerns and they fell back into bed, she’d be happy until the next time he emotionally, or physically, disappeared. And she would be hurt all over again. She could see the pattern evolving before her eyes, and she didn’t want to play that game.
She wanted a relationship, she wanted love, she wanted forever.
Jaci gnawed at her bottom lip. “I don’t know where I stand with him.”
Priscilla sent her a steady look. “As much as I like Ryan, if you can’t work that out, and if he won’t tell you, then maybe it’s time that you stopped standing and started walking.”
Stop standing and start walking... Jaci felt the truth of her mum’s words lodge in her soul. Would Ryan ever let her be, well, more? Was she willing to stand around waiting for him to make up his mind? Was she willing to try to prove herself worthy of his love? His trust?
But did she have the strength to let him go? She didn’t think so. Maybe the solution was to give him a little time to get used to having someone in his life again. After all that he’d suffered, was that such a big ask? In a month—or two or three—she could reevaluate, see whether he’d made any progress in the trust department. That was fair, wasn’t it?
Jaci had the niggling thought that she was conning herself, that she was delaying the inevitable, but when she heard the sound of a car pulling up outside she pushed out her doubts and jumped to her feet, a huge smile blossoming.
“He’s here!” she squealed, running to the edge of the railing and leaning over to catch a glimpse of the car rolling up the drive. Her face fell when she recognized Clive’s vintage Jaguar. She pouted. “Damn, it’s Clive.”
Merry caught Priscilla’s eye. “Music to my ears,” she said, sotto voce.
Priscilla smiled and nodded. “Mine, too.”
Eleven
Ryan, parking his rental car in the driveway of Lyon House, felt as if he had a rope around his neck and barbed wire around his heart. He looked up at the ivy-covered, butter-colored stone house and wondered which window on the second floor was Jaci’s bedroom. The one with frothy white curtains blowing in the breeze? It would have been, he thought, a lot easier if they’d spent the night having sex instead of talking. Sex, that physical connection, he knew how to deal with, but talking, exposing himself? Not so much.
If he wanted to snow himself, he supposed he could try to convince himself that he’d told her about Ben and Kelly’s deception, their betrayal, as a quid pro quo for her telling him about her disastrous engagement to Horse-face. But he’d had many women bawl on his shoulder while they told him their woes and he’d never felt the need to return the favor.
Jaci, unfortunately, could not be lumped into the masses.
Ryan leaned his head against the headrest and closed his eyes. What a week. In his effort to treat her like a flash-in-the-pan affair, he’d kept his distance by putting the continent between them, but he’d just made himself miserable. He’d missed her. Intensely. His work and the drive and energy he gave it made his career his primary focus, but he’d had only half his brain on business this past week. Not clever when so much was at stake.
He had to make a decision about what to do with her, about her, soon. He knew that she wasn’t the type to have a no-strings affair. Her entire nature was geared to being in a steady relationship, to being committed and cared for. She was paying lip service to the idea of a fling but sooner or later her feelings would run deeper... His might, too.
He’d put his feelings away four years ago, and he didn’t like the fact that Jaci had the ability to make him feel more, be more, made him want to be the best version of himself, for her. She was becoming too important and if he was going to walk, if he was going to keep his life emotionally uncomplicated, then he had to walk away now. He couldn’t sleep with her again because every time they had sex, every moment he had with her, with every word she spoke, she burrowed further under his skin. He had to act because his middle ground was fast disappearing.