The moment was just as tense as it had been when the waiter arrived, and I hadn’t dropped my look from his face. “Christopher. Honestly, I’m a little worried…”
“It’s nothing bad,” he said quickly. “I just…I got promoted a few weeks ago, and I realized I had no one to tell.”
I didn’t have a clue what he meant by that, but I didn’t think it was the best time to ask.
“I posted it on social media, but that’s not a real person, you know?”
I nodded even though I didn’t know what I was agreeing to.
“I wanted to tell you, obviously. But then I remembered you lived with Calloway and you have your own life.”
“It doesn’t matter if I’m married or have kids. I always want to know what’s going on with you, Christopher. You know that.”
“Of course I do,” he said quickly. “I just meant, outside of you, I don’t really have anyone. I don’t have a clue who my parents were. I might have sibling somewhere out there. Who knows? But…I don’t have a foundation, a family.”
A realization slowly dawned upon me. I knew exactly what he was saying because it was something that bothered me my entire life. Christopher was the only thing I had that resembled a family—even if it was based off of poor circumstances.
“Now that you’re serious with Calloway, I see how close you guys are. You’re more than just two people who are seeing each other. I can tell he loves you just by looking at him. It’s obvious you feel the same way.”
I knew Calloway loved me even though he refused to say it. It was obvious in every kiss, in every touch. He wouldn’t ask me to live with him and spend every waking hour with me if he felt otherwise. And he certainly wouldn’t have sacrificed his way of life either. “I understand what you’re saying…but I don’t see where you’re going with this.”
“I guess…I guess I want a family.”
“A family?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “I guess I want a wife. I never thought I wanted one before, but it would be nice to have someone who loved me, you know? Who wanted to join her life with mine so we could make a family. And then we would have kids…and then I would have someone who actually shares my DNA. I know I sound like a pussy right now—”
“You don’t sound anything like a pussy, Christopher.” It was incredibly sweet, unbelievably vulnerable. “That’s a normal feeling we all have. I want that with Calloway. I want to have a son who looks just like him. I want to be part of someone in a beautiful way. Believe me, I get it.”
“It goes against everything I said before…”
“Christopher, men grow out of that phase. Maybe you’ve grown out of yours.”
“I guess…” His glass was empty, so he poured another. “I’ve never been in a relationship, so I don’t know where to start. I’ve been out with a lot of unbelievable women, but I was an asshole to them, so I blew that.”
“There are other fish in the sea.”
“Yeah, but even if I found them, I wouldn’t know what to do.”
“Remember what you said to me?”
He scrunched his eyebrows. “I say a lot of wise things to you, Rome…”
“You told me a man will change when he meets the right woman.” He told me not to worry about Calloway’s commitment issues because all of that would disappear once he realized he couldn’t live without me. “So, when you meet the right woman, you’ll know how to be in a relationship.”
“I suppose.”
“So don’t worry about it. Just don’t sleep with them right off the bat.”
“You’re one to talk,” he jabbed.
“Excuse me?” I countered. “Calloway and I waited a long time before we took it to that level.”
“Like a day?” he asked incredulously. “That guy is a sexy beast. No way any woman could keep her legs closed.”
I was about to express my offense at his comment, but then I realized the more disturbing part of that sentence. “Whoa…did you just check out my boyfriend?”
“No,” he said with disgust. “I just know he’s a good-looking guy that gets a lot of pussy.”
I cringed at the last word of the sentence, disturbed by the idea that Calloway had been with other women before me—a lot of women. “Anyway…Calloway and I waited a month. I didn’t want something quick and easy. I fell for him right from the beginning and wanted to make sure it would last.”
“A month?” he asked in shock. “I couldn’t wait a month with a gun pointed to my head. Maybe a week, but that’s still an exaggeration.”
“It was just some advice. Take it how you will.”
The food finally arrived, and we both ate slowly, saying nothing for a long time. Just sitting with Christopher and being with him was nice. We used to watch TV on the couch together when he didn’t have a date for the evening. Silent camaraderie was always the best kind. It was the definition of true compatibility.